If you take your kids to the cafe, you shouldn't bring a packed lunch for them?

[AndiMac]

I'm at the garden centre and there's a soft play area attached to the cafe bit. A mum with two kids about 4 is here with her friend. They have ordered lunch, but the kids are having food the mum brought from home. Not just a couple of breadsticks, but sandwiches, sides and a drink. The cafe has food for kids, so that isn't an excuse.

I can understand that going out for lunch is expensive, but am I being unreasonable to think if you can't afford to buy lunch for your kids as well as yourself, maybe you should come after lunch and just have a coffee?

why does it matter? The adults have bought something so it is not like they scrounged a table after not buying from the cafe.

The seats were taken up anyway because the children are attatched to the adults. it is no different than someone not eating at a 4 seater table while the others do.

i have never seen anyone willing to sit at a table with one empty seat either next to people they dont know.

not my business just an enquiry that all was just thinking are more childre getting allergies now that's all and wondering why ! innocent question calm down treadwarily.

er, my post was in response to OP's question, and not to you.

I have seen these "semi-picnic" happenings in Starbuck too! Parents with a coffee and the children with entire hampers of food sprawled out all over the place - I think it is really is a bit cheeky to use Starbucks or Caffe Nero as a picnic area!

It's not that big a deal though is it? The cafe had 2 paying customers whereas otherwise they might have had none.

babybarrister I totally agree with you. I have two children with intolerances which can be tricky to manage but if a mistake happens they have nasty symptoms for 24-48 hours. They don't have a life threatening allergy.

My youngest dc has just had his suspected allergies discounted - we had skin prick tests this week. He now has to have food challenges to confirm but the consultant thinks its a short term thing to do with his reflux. But for the last few months I've had the threat of anaphylaxis hanging over us and it is horribly scary. I've had people saying 'oh but you'll give him some chocolate at Easter won't you?' etc. I still can't as until he grows out of his reflux the reactions will still occur, but in the meantime, I know that a reaction is not going to kill him.

The differences between the two - allergy and intolerance - are huge. And when the skin tests were negative, I was so relieved. I have a relative who carries an epipen and I really really did not want to go down that route.

There are many ill-informed people who will loudly share their 'knowledge' and unfortunately there are always those who will judge.

Mummie - I am probably one of those mums with the picnics, the only chance I get to go out for a coffee is if i take a smorgasbord of stuff that ds can manage out with me. I don't see why it is different to a person sat on their own with a coffee for an hour, I always buy coffee and a cake for myself, and am usually only there for a little while, and always clear up after myself - why would it be a big deal to anyone else.

Why do you care??
Surely if the owner of the cafe has a problem then they will let them know about it.

Why do you care??
Surely if the owner of the cafe has a problem then they will let them know about it.
There is one street here with a string of cafes, and at lunchtime, it can be nearly impossible to get a table in any one of them. If tables are being taken up by non-paying parties, it is annoying to those people who want to use the establishment as it was intended. Yes, ultimately it is down to the owner to recognise that they are alienating would-be-customers and losing business, and down to the owner to decide if they want to do something about it. But it is certainly not unreasonable that a person would be annoyed by the situation.

(please note, I am NOT, as I said on another post already, talking about reasonable people who buy a meal or meals for the rest of their party but then have their own food for a member of the party with dietary restrictions.)

but the women in the op had bought lunch, they hadn't just rolled up and not bought a single thing.

Hazey I'm sorry but you buy your son something from the cafe.

I don't think anybody has a problem with severe allergies(which are actually quite rare so the chances of seeing a child with extreme allergies tucking into a complete packed lunch are unlikely)but do massively with people who say little Johnny doesn't like anything on the menu or I can't afford to buy for the dc.

As I said previously my nephews have severe allergies but dsis always finds something on the menu.Severe allergies are rare so allergies even worse that require epi pens will not be an everyday occurrence.

To those people without allergies I say tough.I have 3 dc and little money so rarely get to eat out.I arrange coffee either without the dc or save up if I have to buy for them.Often the 3 will share 2 pieces of cake(I check this is ok)and drink tap water or the cheap squash most cafes will provide.

Cafes aren't charities they are there for people who do have the money to buy for their dc and who aren't taking up chairs freeloading so the paying public can't get a seat.

Sorry the sense of entitlement from some is bewildering.

Well allergies that require an epipen are an everyday occurrence for my DS and a lot of the other posters on here. How many times do we have to say that actually it's not always possible to find something they can eat on the menu and sometimes places will refuse to serve food to allergic children.

As long as most of the party are purchasing food what does it matter?!?!?

Epi pen allergies aside(1 thread on MN does not a UK wide epi pen epidemic make).

Err it does matter.Lets all pull up at cafes,pull up a table and not order anything.

As a paying customer I'm put off by overcrowded cafes.Overcrowded cafes are fine for an owner if all are paying but not if people decide to not.Owners will loose money to customers not buying anything and even worse bringing their own food.

I often take juice and a snack for my DCs if we are going to a cafe. I do this because

1. childrens food is usually very overpriced
2. childrens food is often not that nice
3. DCs are usually overexcited at being out so never eat much anyway and the food and money is wasted.

If its a cafe at a garden centre then I would assume they would rather have people come in, buy some goods, pay for adult meals etc and make some money than have people not come in at all. I agree with what others have said that the DCs would not be taking up others seats as if it was a table of 4 you wouldn't usually get other adults sitting with you anyway.

But the adults were eating food from the cafe, where did the op say they were taking up a table without having purchased any food?

And where is anyone saying it's ok to take up a table in a cafe without purchasing food? It quite clearly isn't ok to do that and that is not what the thread is about.

Oh and the word you need is lose, not loose.

OMG the sense of entitlement!!!!!!

Sorry but if the kids food isn't nice the adults food won't be so why are you eating there?Why the difference between adult and kids food?Kids are perfectly able to eat adult food.Kids food is overpriced,sorry not come across that myself.

If you can't afford it you shouldn't be there and should wait until you can afford to go,eating out isn't an entitlement.

There is no excuse,eppa your attitude is just bloody rude.

baby - here here :). when she was younger and more allergic i used to more often than not have her eat before we went out then she could just have a drink and i would eat, i found it important when she was really young for my mental state (mild pnd) that i got out and felt like part of the rat race. i would take something with her to read/play with or i just had a cuddle but it was good to get out, all be it for just 1/2 hour. i have always been aware of some peoples views, you can feel the vibes but i am a tough type so it wouldn't overly bother me, made me more confrontational. i do agree that people who take kids out and take food for them when they haven't a good reason are out of order but sometimes it just can't be helped. i have always tried for dd to eat something from the place, probably taken the odd vague risk just because of the unspoken pressure to conform from others. i have fallen foul from the cafe owners a few times, bloody AWFUL. ie they don't always like to be asked (re chips) 'what cooking oil do you use' or 'do you fry the chips with nut burgers etc' (that kind of question, i am always very friendly). i have been asked to leave before because they were scared of being sued (not everyone is obsessed with money, i just want my dd to be safe). we have never been able to go on holidays away because of this, plus the fear of ie being stuck in an airport due to long flight delays (dd not being able to eat) is a terrible worry. i see other kids stuffing lord knows what into the face without the mother having a care in the world and i have had a good cry behind my newspaper (quietly) in the past many times i can tell you, as i am sure you know. i remember being in starbucks having had a latte. i wiped my mouth REALLY thoroughly then kissed dd's forehead. within 5 minutes it was swelling up. AAAAGGGHHHHHHH to those judgey types - you have NO fucking idea of what it is like, NO IDEA

In my local starbucks, you often see mums taking up a big table drinking a coffee while her 2 or 3 kids eat their own food. Now, it doesn't bother me because I don't ever sit in starbucks but I could see how it would be annoying to other paying customers. Of course some of these kids might have allergies and I would never begrudge someone the right to join in with a family meal or snack. However, I do not believe that all the parents who eat in cafes/coffee shops, all have children with allergies.

I hate having to grill the waitress/chef about the ingredients and cooking methods too. The amount of ignorance about what is actually in the food while insisting that I'm talking nonsense drives me nuts.

For example, ordering a ham baked potato for DS I asked them to check the ham had no milk in it. I was told not to be so ridiculous that ham never contained milk. Lo and behold when they actually checked.... That'd be a plain baked potato for DS then, yum.

And actually , how often do you see parents feeding their kids a packed lunch in a cafe? I don't think I ever have unless they are babies which is fine.

I'm staggered at the number of posters who have seen cafes full of mums eating and/or drinking while their dcs have packed lunches. It's obviously not a problem round here.

Which is why I would assume it was a child with an allergy rather than anyone taking the mickey.

I think it depends where you live. In my area, we have a couple of coffee shops clustered around the shops which are clustered around a huge car park. Also, I live in an area full of young parents.

MrsHeffley - sorry I don't agree!

Often there will be quite nice food for adults but the kids food will be a dry cheese/tuna sandwich. An example is a large clothes store near me where you can get a kids "packed lunch" for about £5 but its really not very nice or good value(half a sandwich, juice, yoghurt and kit kat)and yet the "adult food" is nice. I wouldn't buy adult food for my children because they are only toddlers and wouldn't eat a full portion so it would be a waste of money.
I do find childrens food overpriced as there is a massive mark up on things like juice cartons.
As long as me and my partner are paying for food I don't think it is a big issue if small children have a home brought snack.
I would think most cafe owners would be pleased to get the custom from the adults.
tbh we have got enough money to pay for the childrens food but I just choose not to as I don't think it is good value. If I felt that it was value for money then I probably would pay - so its up to the cafe owner to price competitively!
Am I entitled - yes!!!!

If I spent £5 or £10 in a cafe I dont see how they can object to dd not eating or eating her own thing. Thats a fuck load of money.

trixy - you have my sympathies. i have to syke myself up when asking what the ingredients/etc are as some staff are really horrible, i have been brought close to tears a fair few times and i always make a point of being really friendly AND apologetic too (as if it is my fault...). she can't have mayo (raw egg) so that cuts out alot ie tuna mayo (which is usually already made up). plus i worry that butter might be contaminated as alot of cafes have peanut butter (for morning trade). if she has bacon i have to ask if they fry it where the eggs are cooked blah blah. i sometimes lie in bed really terrified for when she is older as i won't have the control, i will be reliant on her and i know teenagers take risks. it is a worry i am sure enough that in this day and age of muggings etc teenagers going out but the added worry of her eating takeaways etc is beyond reason. she recently had her RAST test done and her peanut allergy has more than doubled in the last two years, i was praying that she might be one of the 20% who grow out of it, she has no chance of that now, all i can pray for is that the crack on and come up with some injection that will protect them (sorry to go off key, but whenever this type of thread comes up it brings it to the forefront of my mind). i remember taking dd to dr for an emergency appointment when she was about 8 months old. her face was really swollen (eyes barely open), the LOOKS the other mothers inthe reception gave me were awful, they obviously thought i had mistreated her. ffs