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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

and will DS really hate me in the future?

123 replies

wineoclocktimeyet · 04/03/2012 21:23

DS (aged 7) is football mad. He goes to training once a week after school plays for a local U8 team on a sunday.

I've always thought he's good, and silently that he's their best player! but always put it down to proud mummyness.

Since the start of this season though, we have been approached by 3 scouts from local professional teams (we live in London), who have said that he is good and asked if he can go to a trial at one of their academys.

DH and I have been in agreement that we dont want that - DS is also a keen cricket player and swimmer and like all 7 year olds gets very tired.

Things moved along a bit after a cup game last weekend when the senior scout from a local premiership team approached us after the match and said they wanted to sign DS on an exclusive contract until he is 14. . He is 7 years old FFS.

The money would be lovely! BUT he would have to train with them 3-4 times a week all year around (ie also in the cricket season) and basically this means he would have to stop all his other activities inc Beavers etc.

We have said no. I know its potentially a great opportunity for him BUT he is only 7 and I feel if he really is that good, then he will still be that good at 14, 15, 16. I dont want to limit any of his options at such a young age.

BUT - a couple of the other parents overheard this scout and the news seems to have spread and I must admit I'm really suprised that everyone seems to think we are doing the wrong thing. As far as I know, DS and the other boys dont seem to know, but I'm not sure how long that will last.

Sorry, this has turned into an epic post, but my question are we being unreasonable to say no?

and has anyone else been in this position?

OP posts:

Sittinginthesun · 04/03/2012 21:29

Would you consider asking him?

I have a friend whose daughter loves gymnastics. She trains 20 a week (she is 8), and is aiming high. Her mum was really worried it would be too much, but talked it through with her daughter, and they decided between them. They rethink every few months, and decide whether daughter still wants to keep going.

Sittinginthesun · 04/03/2012 21:29

20 hours.

LunarRose · 04/03/2012 21:32

yes your son will hate you for it. your son clearly has a talent, why would you not want to let him go as far as he can with it??

McHappyPants2012 · 04/03/2012 21:32

Ask your son, he sounds very talented and if he want to do it I would allow him.

But make sure he knows that he may not make it to the professional level and school is also important

squeakytoy · 04/03/2012 21:32

Have you asked your child what HE wants to do?

If he finds out in a few years then yes, chances are he will be extremely disappointed that you denied him this opportunity.

Salmotrutta · 04/03/2012 21:32

Did you not ask your son then?

BigGirlInASmallWorld · 04/03/2012 21:33

Ask your DS! Is there a trial period for the contract?

roguepixie · 04/03/2012 21:35

Have to agree with the other posters here. You should talk to your son and, if he wants to go for it, to let him. He is obviously talented. He deserves the chance to follow it through.

EdithWeston · 04/03/2012 21:38

Burn out can be a problem, and missing out on other activities can lead to imbalance. But intensive training, if the hours/location fits your life can be a really positive thing if your DS wants to do it

And being a top flight footballer is often high on a little boys wish list.

The problem comes down the line - it's insanely competitive and boys can be thrown off such programmes, and you will be the ones who pick up the pieces.

Are any of the other scouts offering anything less onerous?

UtherTheTerrible · 04/03/2012 21:38

I think it's possible that he will grow up and find out about this and yes, may feel incredibly resentful. He may also have found other passions or a vocational that he wants to devote himself to and not be that bothered. But I agree with others- it may be the fact that he didn't get told about it that causes issues. He may feel really hurt that there was something big like this happening and he didn't get a chance to have a say in it.

But you do say he is "football mad". He may really want this.

Selks · 04/03/2012 21:39

A seven year exclusive contract is a long long time for a seven year old. I understand your concerns. You could consider approaching the scout and attempting to broker a different deal - a much shorter contract for instance. I'd also try to ask around other comparable clubs to see what they commonly offer boys of this age.
I think it's for you as parents to decide on the type of contract, but I do think your son should have a say in whether to go into serious training or not. He may think its an amazing opportunity.

lydiamama · 04/03/2012 21:40

I would ask him what does he want to do, it is his life, and although I know he is young, if you just explain to him which impact it will have in his life, not being able to do the other activities, and missing to see his friends, long training hours and so, give him time to process it, and he can decide himself (although I would be careful to sign any contract at that age for seven years!!!, what about if he wants to leave after two years? could he just stop training?).

Original poster

wineoclocktimeyet · 04/03/2012 21:41

We havent asked him because wed know he would sell his soul to play football and thats all he has wanted to do - (except during the cricket season when he wants to be Freddie Flintoff and when he saw Tom Daily when he wanted to dive in the Olympics - he's 7!)

We are not against him having football as a career, but believe that 7 is too young to, basically, give up on everything else and I honestly dont think at 7 years old that he is capable of making a rational decision about his future.

I dont know the details of the contract, the scout could see we were shell shocked and said he would come along to our next match and discuss it again.

OP posts:

RandomMess · 04/03/2012 21:41

I think I wouldn't agree to a 7 year contract at 7.

A much shorter contract, with break clauses etc

How much would it impact on your family life etc.

Also do they often sign them up a 9?

Vijac · 04/03/2012 21:43

I think he should do it. Being great at one sport is so rewarding and confidence building. It is better than being ok at a few and playing games at beavers. He will make good friends and get really fit plus learn sportsmanship, skills and ambition.

If he changes his mind aged 11 then it's likely the mental and physical training to a high level in football will equip him to excel in other sports or group activities instead, or even in academics (as sport focuses the mind and teaches perseverance.)

I did sport to a high level from aged 12, training 8 times a week plus and it is the best thing I ever did, I got so much joy out of it-friends, winning, fitness, improved it my school work, confidence etc. Sorry for the rant but if he wants to do it, go for it!

PomBearAtTheGatesOfDawn · 04/03/2012 21:44

I wouldn't sign anything "exclusive" or "binding" for seven years for a seven year old.
I can't think who it was now, but on TV yesterday (maybe that celebrity dancing thing? or that book show with Ann Robinson) someone was asked about them having signed to a Premiership teams academy, and he said that out of 30 of them, only one had ever turned out for the first team. It's not like it's a guarantee your boy will be the next ROoney or Beckham - I think you're being very sensible to not want to tie him into this for the next 7 years, and people who witter on about it being such a wonderful opportunity are blinded by the thought of the bling and a big house, and jealous that it wasn't their DS being scouted.

Snowboarder · 04/03/2012 21:46

Firstly congratulations - your DS must be really very good. Remember this is a positive thing!

I'd speak to your DS and see what he thinks and if it's something he actually wants to do.

Also, I'm guessing that if he's really good and scouts are interested now, they probably still will be in a year or two's time?

Vijac · 04/03/2012 21:46

Also, I bet the contract just stops him moving to other clubs. If his heart's not in it anymore and he wants to give up serious football altogether I bet he can get out.

Original poster

wineoclocktimeyet · 04/03/2012 21:46

Thanks Vijac, its interesting to hear from someone who has been there.

I think if he was 12, I would feel much better about it ie he would be able to make a more informed decision (ie using his head rather than just his heart)

OP posts:

mrspepperpotty · 04/03/2012 21:47

My friend's son (10yo) is a very good tennis player and trains with a select group of youngsters. I can't remember how many hours per week, but it's a big commitment and puts a strain on the whole family (he is the oldest of 3 DCs, one of whom has SN) because of the time his parents spend ferrying him to and from matches, training etc. You don't mention if you have any other DCs who may suffer as a result of this?

I disagree with most of the other posters on the thread. At 7 I don't think it should be your DSs decision if it will affect the other members of family. However I do agree that it may be a problem if he finds out that he had this opportunity and you turned it down. Tricky.

SkinnedAlive · 04/03/2012 21:48

From my own perspective, having done high level sport at a young age and got the joints to show for it, I'd probably say no. They are not interested in his welfare. They are interested in money. I would speak to them though. If the contract is flexible, if he can get out of it if he is not happy, if he can potentially carry on his other activities, if there is good medical care and support, then it is worth considering. See how many hours a week it is and speak to a good peadatrician or sports physio and get their view on the impact on his joints. My own sports physio told me years ago most pro footballers have arthritic changes in their knees by age 21. Fine if he makes a few million and career out of it, not so fine if he doen't make the grade and has buggered up knees for the rest of his life.

ajandjjmum · 04/03/2012 21:49

Would he forgive you? Don't know, but we have a friend who is now in his 70's, who regularly tells us that his father wouldn't 'sign' for him to join one of the First Division (as it was) clubs as a youngster - again, he had several chasing him. He was a teenager, and his Dad thought he should 'get a trade', which he did - but I suspect has secretly resented it ever since.

Having said that, couldn't they extend the option for another year, when he would have seen out another cricket season, and you could remind him what he would be missing if he committed to his football!

Well done to your DS though - you must be very proud of him.

GnomeDePlume · 04/03/2012 21:52

I will disagree with everyone here. He is too young. The burnout rate is huge as kids play too much, too soon. I will also be cynical and say that what the clubs are looking to do is build a stable of possible talent, keeping players locked in until genuine talent (rather than being developmentally ahead) starts to show.

You are the parent and need to be strong here because he is at risk of being compelled into playing too much sport at a competitive level too early. IMO the best thing would be to let him try as many sports as possible. Many sportsmen are good at a number of sports. No one knows yet what he could be truly great at. He might be a good footballer but a truly world class athlete.

BikeRunSki · 04/03/2012 21:52

A good friend of mine has a dd who shows promise as am gymnast. She is seven and trains 16-20 hours per week. She says she enjoys it and her school work is not suffering. On that basis, i'd say to let your DS train with the prob club. But, with my friend's DD their is no contract, and an agreement between mum, child, school and coach that she will stop the moment her school work or health (she is asthmatic) start suffering. The other thing is that the family's life is dominated by going to gymnastics, being at gymnastics, competitions most week ends. Their

madaboutmadmen · 04/03/2012 21:52

it's your call but I wouldn't be comfortable with holding back such a massive opportunity to my DS. Ask him, if it gets too much for him you must be able to change your mind.

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