and will DS really hate me in the future?

[wineoclocktimeyet]

DS (aged 7) is football mad. He goes to training once a week after school plays for a local U8 team on a sunday.

I've always thought he's good, and silently that he's their best player! but always put it down to proud mummyness.

Since the start of this season though, we have been approached by 3 scouts from local professional teams (we live in London), who have said that he is good and asked if he can go to a trial at one of their academys.

DH and I have been in agreement that we dont want that - DS is also a keen cricket player and swimmer and like all 7 year olds gets very tired.

Things moved along a bit after a cup game last weekend when the senior scout from a local premiership team approached us after the match and said they wanted to sign DS on an exclusive contract until he is 14. . He is 7 years old FFS.

The money would be lovely! BUT he would have to train with them 3-4 times a week all year around (ie also in the cricket season) and basically this means he would have to stop all his other activities inc Beavers etc.

We have said no. I know its potentially a great opportunity for him BUT he is only 7 and I feel if he really is that good, then he will still be that good at 14, 15, 16. I dont want to limit any of his options at such a young age.

BUT - a couple of the other parents overheard this scout and the news seems to have spread and I must admit I'm really suprised that everyone seems to think we are doing the wrong thing. As far as I know, DS and the other boys dont seem to know, but I'm not sure how long that will last.

Sorry, this has turned into an epic post, but my question are we being unreasonable to say no?

and has anyone else been in this position?

Please don't be like my inlaws. My sil is a VERY talented sportswoman but due to a lack of support from her parents has never really got anywhere. A good example of this, is she was asked to go to a junior uk athletics meet ( with an almost guaranteed place on th gb squad) and her parents didn't take her as it was on her mums birthday ffs . If we'd have known, we would have taken her ourselves. Her parents (my inlaws) are very small minded and selfish people imo and to deny their daughter this fantastic opportunity was unforgivable.

I know this isn't the same situation as yours, but I really think you need to talk it through with your ds and see what he says. Also, would it be possible for you to talk to a lad who has been through the same programme that your ds has been offered? Just to get an idea of what is involved etc. the talent scout should be able to help you out there. And (last one, honest!) you say that there's another scout interested in ds too? Might be worth casually mentioning the offer you've had to him, see what happens, like obv only relevant if you decide to go down that road with the football.

My nephew was signed up at 7. He had a serious knee injury last year at 17 and his semi pro days are over unfortunatly, but he had a blast while he was doing i, doesnt regret a second of it. He broke a couple of contracts from memory. He didnt lose any/have to pay any cash back he simply said he wanted out. He was a child so they couldnt actually force him to continue. They clubs did try to talk him out of leaving but once he was set they let him go. It wasnt a big deal. He just played out the season.

I think your ds may well end up that annoying guy in the back of the pub complaining that he couldve been a pro but you stopped him

{disclaimer - i am joking he wont be that guy in the pub....he will be pretty pissed off at a missed opportunity and all the what ifs will drive him crazy!}

..... continued from above, phone battery died!

Anyway, all else I was going to say is that gymnastics-gir has a younger brother, and I am sure his idea of after school activities is "sitting in the car, have a pack up tea". He is friends with my DS and often misses parties, trips out etc and does no activities of his own because of his sister's gymnastics.

If it was me, i'd really resent my mum for not letting me try the opportunity out, I'm not sure how football contracts work, but hopefully their'll be something that means if it is too stressful you can just stop.

Congratulations though, i know so many people who do the 'I'm good enough to be pro' footballer thing, and act like knob's because they play for a uni team, this is something special!

I can't believe how many people are agreeing with the other parents, and not with you! .
IMO, you are TOTALLY making the right decision. My friend had the same kind of offer for her son when he was about the same age - he would have been prevented from doing / experiencing all the normal things that 7,8,9,10,11,12, and 13 yr olds do. She said they'd been told he wouldn't be able to go skiing (their family holiday planned for the following year) because of risk of injury, and, of course, as you listed, he'd get excluded from all the things little boys like to do - like ALL the other sports he might thrive at, as well as things like Beavers and Cubs.
It's ridiculous to expect a small child to be "specialising" at his age. You only have to look at all the boys who went to the FA's sporting academy at 14.... a very small % made it into the professional game, or sustained it once they were signed. The odds of anyone picked up at 7 making it must be even longer, and yet, if you were to sign him up, you would be robbing him of the chance to be a little boy and enjoy doing EVERYTHING he enjoys.
As you say - if he's going to be good enough, his talent will still be there at 14 or 15 and he can sign up then.

Thanks everyone - its interesting that there is such a split in opinion.

I think if we hadnt been overheard, I would feel so much happier cos DS would never need to know and so the concern of a feeling a missed opportunity would not be there.

I'm off to bed now but promise to read all tomorrow.

Thanks

Ask your DS. I wouldn't be comfortable holding back such a huge opportunity from him just on the basis that he wouldn't have time for other activities. If he loves his sport and has a talent for it, why shouldn't he improve upon it and earn money from it?

You'll have to find out the terms of the contract. What happens if your DS decides to leave before 14 or you have to move out of the area for whatever reason in the future etc?

Just read my post back... I am in no way calling you, op, small minded or selfish!

Grammar appears to be a weak point today and in my defence I've had a long day and

BikeRun that is awful, that poor boy.

OP - I think you are right to have turned it down, I would do the same. He is 7, of course he is going to say yes if you ask him.

I think you should ask him. There's no reason why he couldn't try and then stop. But to spend your life with the knowledge that you had an amazing opportunity and missed out, is galling.
Dd was an elite squad gymnast At six, but made the decision to stop herself. She's glad she did it, but knew it wasn't for her. She knew her own mind, so will your ds. The dedication required has had an effect on her, she is a very dedicated child. You need to include DS.

I'd ask him. Although 7 is young really to have an opinion. Is he very driven by football or does he just enjoy it?

I had a similar thing with one of my kids in a different area. I have said no a lot over the last few years as I thought it was too much, but recently said yes and he is loving it. Now I let him decide with each opportunity (he is a couple of years older than your son though), sometimes he decides against, sometimes he decides for.....

Sorry very vague on purpose, but was sort of in your position and not sure saying no for a few years was right or wrong now.

I would check out how easy it was to break a contract, if easy you could give it a go and see whether he enjoys the extra pressure/time or not.

I do understand your concerns!

I think he's too young for such a long term contract. I think people are seeing this as a lottery win, a one time only chance. Like you say, his talent won't disappear overnight.

I'm afraid that those posters saying that he can always drop it if he doesnt like it are being naive. The club isnt looking to sign him up for his benefit but for theirs.

I took part in a sport exclusively when very young and the pressure can be enormous. Miss a training session and the coach is on the phone to find out where you were. Lose interest and the coach is in your face bawling you out for your lack of commitment. You get sucked into this and it gets very hard to get away as it is made very clear to you that anything less that 100% commitment is letting the team down, the coach down and yourself down.

I would say talk to him about it, really do you want this to come out in the future and be an issue between you. Anything could happen in the coming years but at least you were honest with him and he has the opportunity to give it a go.

This actually happened to my DH and he was signed to an academy for a local team which obviously was amazing at the time. He was very good at other sports (cross country running, basketball, swimming ect) and found he had less time for these but he loved football most and would have given anything to go onto professional level.

His parents spent a considerable amount of time, money and sacrificed family occasions ferrying him around for training and games but as he loved it they wanted to do all they could. They only signed short term deals between age 7 and 12 because they wanted him to at least try to keep up with his other interests along with ensuring that he got the best deal.

At 12 they had a detailed and thorough conversation with him - explaining what would happen and what the contract meant. By that point he had decided football was what he wanted and they signed up, fast forward 2 years and in an accident at practise his leg was broken. Everyone assumed that he would be left to heal and then return to the squad - a few weeks into his recovery they were called in and basically had the contract torn up in their faces. He was devastated and the club just didn't want to know - his parents were then left to pick up the pieces which they admit now was one of the worst episodes in their lives.

BUT DH now has a good career now and is happy with what he has, obviously he still talks nostalgically about "when he could have been a professional footballer" but he had his chance and is very grateful for everything his parents did to make it happen. Life doesn't always go to plan so sometimes having the opportunity is just as good as reaching the goal.

My friend turned down a football scout for her DS when he was 8 as she felt he was far too young. He carried on playing football and doing all the things little boys like doing and then signed for the same club when he was 11.

I think it would be worth exploring what the contract meant as I would be surprised if you could commit your child to 7 years of training as a 7 year old as that would be akin to child labour. Also understanding what the whole package is would help you to explain the decision to your son (whichever way you went). You could also find out about the current youth team - did they all sign at 7 or will the offer be on the table at 12 if he is still good enough? What happens to those signed at 7? Is the commitment both ways or will they drop him at 10 if he doesn't make the grade (which might be hard to take, depending on what he is like)?

I'm surprised at everybody saying to ask your son. He is 7. He has no idea of how it will stop him from doing other things, how he could potentially be setting himself up for bad joints in the future, how it will tie him to the place for 7 years. He will just hear 'do you want to keep playing football?' and obviously his answer will be 'yes.'

I wouldn't want him to do it personally. I knew someone who used to coach a kids' football team but stopped because of how bad it was on their joints. He came to the opinion that children shouldn't do any formal football training until they are about 12. I have known a couple of kids who have had bad joints at a young age who were really into football at a young age, so I'm inclined to agree with him.

I also think it would stop him from enjoying a normal childhood and enjoying a range of hobbies.

If he is seriously talented then I think the talent and potential will still be there when he's about 14 and can properly decide if it's something he wants to properly commit to.

I think he's too young to specialise so soon. If he really is meant to do iit I expect the scouts will be asking next year too. Maybe you'll feel differently about it then? My dd was model scouted 3 times aged 15/16 and although she was much older so she had the final say we were extremely relieved when she turned each opportunity down. She wanted to be a normal school girl and was put off hugely when she went to the offices/initial photos taken etc these things sound glamourous but they rarely are.

As far as other parents over hearing, I would just tell a white lie. If anyone asks including Ds just say somethIng along the lines of "things not quite working out" or "it wasn't what we had hoped for" just keep things very general and then change the subject. It's really no one else's business.

Sorry for typos. Bloody phone keeps doing things it shouldn't!!

My understanding of football contracts with kids is similar to the posts above - in that you can be dropped at any time.

I do understand why you're hesitant and some of my decision would be based on whether ds just enjoys football or eats lives and breathes it iykwim.

My brother was an incredible footballer. He was scouted at a very young age by a massive team, and offered the opportunity to go to Lilleshall too. He was easily in the top ten goal keepers of his generation. He trained unrelentingly, and gave his childhood and teens to it. At the time it was what he wanted. But, in the end he feigned a repeated injury to stop the whirlwind. It took his childhood away and he was unable to verbalise his feelings. It really screwed him up for a long time.

If it were my child, I would wait til they were significantly older - at senior school - before even considering this. Just my opinion.

I would feel like you OP and would say no.

I disagree when you say "he will.still be good at 14/15" that will be too old to go into it.

While you might be able to leave the contract at any time I would be concerned that it might be a bit "cultish" and there would be a lot of pressure not to walk away. I know that this will make me sound crazy, but the world of football is so male that I would worry for his emotional wellbeing as there might be a lot of bravado and macho posturing with little emotional support for such young boys.

I wouldn't want a child as young as 7 to commit to this amount of sport. If he is good, he will still be good at 11, 12, 14 etc. Plenty of time for him to try other stuff before he puts so much of his life into football.