to have asked this soft play place to make a child leave?

[notahappycamper]

Was with DC at a soft play place today for a party. DD1 (nearly 8) came over crying and holding her face. When she took her hand away I could see a wide scratch on her cheek. She told me she had been attacked and punched by a smaller boy. Her cheek was split inside and she also had a bruise appearing on her upper arm. I asked her why it happened - she said she was just moving past him and his friends. I again asked had she bumped into him or maybe hurt him by accident. She was certain that nothing had happened.

I went to the front desk to ask for something to clean her face and maybe an ice pack. The girls seemed shocked by the state of DD. I asked them was there a policy when something like this happened? They said "No" but I could speak to the manager. She was unavailable and it was arranged for her to come and speak to me later.

I went into the play area to check on my other 2 DC's and DD saw the child who had hurt her. A man then approached him to ask him to come down. I asked him was the child his and he said yes. I showed him DD's face. He said "Oh yes, she wanted to get past and hit my boy so he hit her back." DD, in between sobs, said" I didnt mummy. I didnt."

This man was about 6' 6" and well built. He said to DD, "Yes you did" and to me he said, "Look I will back my son up all day." I was [shocked] but said, "Well that is very admirable but that level of injury to a child is not acceptable. "
By now the manager had come over and the exchange was repeated but the man would not apologise for his son (who was about 6). The manager asked my DD was she ok and she sobbed "No, it hurts." She then asked me what I wanted(!). I said that I thought they should have some sort of policy where they ask child who are that agressive to leave. The dad said, "Well the party we are at is finished now so we are going anyway." I ended up walking away.

After the dad and child left, the manager again approached me to say that that type of incident happens from time to time but they cant do anything about it. I told her that they should think about taking measures to stop things like this, some sort of punishment, even though I know it is difficult.

So, was IBU?

No-ones denying the OP had a right to be upset. But I thought the OP was asking if she was BU to make the soft play centre remove the other child, answer YABU.

School has a duty of care over the child. a Soft play centre don't, The children remain the responsibility of the parents involved.

You castigate the father for not apologising to your DD but you contribute no apology to the fact that your DD hit this child in the first place, I assume due to her injuries being greater?

Both you and the father were entrenched in the view that your child was in the right, so to an outsider like me you are no better or worse than each other and neither of you has the right to the moral high ground. Getting both the children to apologise to each other might have been a better solution rather than your protracted stance

hallelujah - what baking addict said!

Cherries - neither of my dc have ever been hitters or biters either. They are always amazed at how aggressive some kids are.

So when they've been clobbered I've been sympathetic towards them but that's it really! I don't go seeking out the child or the parent or staff.

They know, and I know, that it comes with the terriatory.

Three sides to every story

Your Side
Their Side
The Truth

territory

Bloody iPad

(not really on iPad)

So from the other parents point of view : He seen a girl hitting his son. His son then thumped the girl. Then the girls mum comes over demanding an apology.

You would not be getting an apology from me either.

assuming here that the man was telling the truth

If you didnt see what happened you cant really do/say much. In my exeperience what happens at soft play, stays at soft play, all the kiddies get slightly deranged and hyper and behave in a manner which they wouldn't normally.

A woman once came and had a screaming fit at me saying my then 2 year old ds had hit her child on the head with a book in the library, I just got the hell away from the screaming banshee. When I asked him what happened he explained that the woman had taken the book off him because her dc wanted to look at it, so he snatched it back then thumped her with it. Had I known this at the time, I would have had a few more words with this awful woman but then again maybe not as not a very good example to the children.

However a few months later I saw this woman walking past my house in the rain and her shopping bag split and all her shopping was wet and in the road. Oh how I laughed - Karma eh!!!!!

I'm not saying that your kids are hitters proud! I was just saying that yes, they have all endured the odd thump but that is a bit different to this IMO.

Yes, I agree Luna, it is different to school. I was trying to say that I don't think I would just say to my child "Oh well, this comes with the territory" if they had been injured like that. I'm not sure that I would go seeking out the child or staff either tbh but if they were badly hurt/bruised I would be very upset.

I also agree that the playcentre can't ask the child to leave if they haven't seen the incident.

mmmm bakingaddict it sounds really likely that the father would have offered an apology!

The boy's father sounds like an absolute twat...she hit him first so he's allowed to give her a pasting in return?!

Unfortunaterly I don't think it's realistic to expect the soft play place to do anything about incidents like this; it will always be one person's word against anothers (unless one of the staff witnesses it.) They can put up signs telling parents to supervise their children (as is the case at our local ones) but realistically it just isn't possible unless you actually follow your DC all over the equipment.

Well cherriesarelovely we've only a one-sided story to go on but if a mum came up to me all guns blazing and automatically proportioning the entire blame on my child then perhaps i'd feel like the father in question. She states in her thread that aggressive kids should be removed and punished but fails to acknowledge that her child may have been an potential aggressor in this situation.

I just feel some double standards may be occuring and the father has been prejudged due to his large size, if he was never going to offer an apology why did he call his boy over to give an explanation? Doesn't strike me as the antics of some-one who doesn't give a shit if his boy has just lamped some-one, surely he would have just shrugged his shoulders and walked away if that was the case?

Yes, that could be true I suppose bakingaddict I hadn't thought of the size thing really. If he saw the incident though and saw that the girl had been quite badly hurt and was (presumably) upset wouldn't you have thought he would have gone over to find her parent and explain? Crikey, I would if I was in charge of a child who had done that.

It reminds me a bit of some thing awful that one of my very spoilt and agressive nephews did in his first week of secondary school. By his own admission he and another boy were exchanging "dirty looks" across the playground. When it was time to go in the other boy shoved past him so my nephew pushed the lad to the ground and punched him in the face FIVE TIMES!!!!!! My DB insisted that because they had both been giving the dirty looks and the other boy had shoved him this made it equal and defensible!!!!!! The school did not agree and nephew was given a sort in internal suspension. This reminds me of that situation. My nephew was very lucky not to get excluded. I was absolutely in despair at my DBs reaction.