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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have asked this soft play place to make a child leave?

138 replies

notahappycamper · 03/03/2012 20:51

Was with DC at a soft play place today for a party. DD1 (nearly 8) came over crying and holding her face. When she took her hand away I could see a wide scratch on her cheek. She told me she had been attacked and punched by a smaller boy. Her cheek was split inside and she also had a bruise appearing on her upper arm. I asked her why it happened - she said she was just moving past him and his friends. I again asked had she bumped into him or maybe hurt him by accident. She was certain that nothing had happened.

I went to the front desk to ask for something to clean her face and maybe an ice pack. The girls seemed shocked by the state of DD. I asked them was there a policy when something like this happened? They said "No" but I could speak to the manager. She was unavailable and it was arranged for her to come and speak to me later.

I went into the play area to check on my other 2 DC's and DD saw the child who had hurt her. A man then approached him to ask him to come down. I asked him was the child his and he said yes. I showed him DD's face. He said "Oh yes, she wanted to get past and hit my boy so he hit her back." DD, in between sobs, said" I didnt mummy. I didnt."

This man was about 6' 6" and well built. He said to DD, "Yes you did" and to me he said, "Look I will back my son up all day." I was [shocked] but said, "Well that is very admirable but that level of injury to a child is not acceptable. "
By now the manager had come over and the exchange was repeated but the man would not apologise for his son (who was about 6). The manager asked my DD was she ok and she sobbed "No, it hurts." She then asked me what I wanted(!). I said that I thought they should have some sort of policy where they ask child who are that agressive to leave. The dad said, "Well the party we are at is finished now so we are going anyway." I ended up walking away.

After the dad and child left, the manager again approached me to say that that type of incident happens from time to time but they cant do anything about it. I told her that they should think about taking measures to stop things like this, some sort of punishment, even though I know it is difficult.

So, was IBU?

OP posts:
Tigresswoods · 03/03/2012 22:35

I've said it on here before & I'll say it again, soft play is the work of the devil.

ThatsEnough · 03/03/2012 22:36

I am assuming you are not a man though Vickles? It really does piss me off that people give my DH a second look before addressing him, you can see them trying to weigh up how dangerous he might be.

The reality is that he is a big softy (well most of the time he is!).

LilacWaltz · 03/03/2012 22:36

It is when they are unsupervised!

PeanutButterChocolate · 03/03/2012 22:38

I think all parents have had a galling soft-play incident at one time or another. They bring out the worst in everyone. Use at your own risk Sad.

Original poster
notahappycamper · 03/03/2012 22:40

Lilac
I had been at the toilet and had been supervising before then but where the incident happened was right at the back and high up where it is difficult to see. Those places arent the easiest to access if you are stood at the front

OP posts:
bigmouthstrikesagain · 03/03/2012 22:50

Oh fgs - the size of the man is relevant in that the op would have felt uncomfortable - I am tall, my father, brothers, Uncles and Nephews are tall I would be intimidated by a tall man in this situation as well though because size can be used to intimidate. I have used my height to take advantage of situations at times - it is not uncommon to use awhatever advantages you potentially have in an argument heated discussion.

That is not a sizeist attitude - I know how gentle tall man in particular can be as they have less to proove butthey can also be picked by other men with ishoo's (happened to my 'little' brother all the time. That fact does not negate the first point, however.

Op I do sympathise but I am not sure that a policy would help, the adults have to supervise the children and you and more importantly your dd were very unlucky to encounter this behaviour, however it could just as easily happened at the park.

bigmouthstrikesagain · 03/03/2012 22:51

sorry tired my typing is awful and I probly make no sense

DiddleyDooDoo · 03/03/2012 22:52

This is what makes me laugh about AIBU....Someone is talking about their child being hurt and people are banging on about being insulted about you implying the dad was a thug because you mentioned his height and they're tall, their husband is tall, the family dog is big....FFS. I'm tall, so is my husband...and my DD but I' don't find it offensive. She didn't say he was a thug, only mentioned his height because if she didn't and it came up later she'd be accused of the other deadly sin...drip feeding.

Those of you offended by the height comment, are you normally this offended with everyday life?! ...too funny.

bigmouthstrikesagain · 03/03/2012 22:53

Snap! Diddley Grin

BigGirlInASmallWorld · 03/03/2012 23:06

Diddley not all dogs are big! How rude of you

dandelionss · 03/03/2012 23:07

From the OP it sounds as though the man had seen the incident though, and the Op didn't, so I am not sure whty she is so certain he was lying.
If her DD hit first then got hit back harder then that's tough luck!!
neither do I see the relevance of the dad's size except to make us think he and his DS were intimidating.When in fact the little boy was younger than the OPs dd

Ihatecrafting · 03/03/2012 23:13

Grin My husband is 17 stone and 6ft 2, I am a short arse and I am the intimidating one (apparently)!
I have a son with behavioural difficulties and soft play places are a sodding nightmare! We only go if we kinda have to due to parties etc.
We have to watch our ds like a hawk all the time (no toilet breaks allowed lol) and my biggest observation is this .............
The ones that go crying to there parent are 9 x out of 10 a right little bugger (absolutely not saying that this is the case for the the op dd)
The amount of times I have had to make my ds apologise for lamping another child in front of their irate parent when their little angel faced horror had brought the lamping on by shoving, biting, kicking, hitting my ds first. It doesn't feel right to make your child apologise for doing something wrong when the other child (who also did something wrong) isn't made to do the same.
Many times I have felt like telling the angry parent (who doesn't think they need to supervise their child) to PISS OFF - but obvs I have never done that!
Last weekend I was watching my ds in a soft play barn (at a party) as he was getting punched on the top of his head repeatedly by some little shite who's mummy was supping tea and nattering to her friends without a care in the world. My ds just pushed him very gently out of his way and ran off to play somewhere else. I was very proud. We have made progress Smile

LilacWaltz · 03/03/2012 23:14

Op says she told them they need to have some sort of punishment for this??? Er.. Like what?

reddaisy · 03/03/2012 23:24

Like asking violent children to leave. I do watch DD in softplay places but most have sections that you cannot see and children need some freedom.

OP, Yanbu at all.

Some parents are in denial about their children but I know what my DD is and isnt capable of - she can be prone to snatching for example - so the OP can be relied upon to know that her daughter did not hit this boy first.

LilacWaltz · 03/03/2012 23:26

No she can't. She wasn't there.

BigGirlInASmallWorld · 03/03/2012 23:27

I am staying away from soft play places.

Synyster · 03/03/2012 23:29

did the op see what happened?

BillyBollyBandy · 03/03/2012 23:38

Problem is you didn't see what happened, the dad of other kid didn't see what happened and the staff didn't see what happened. So there is nothing anyone can do officially is there?

Having watched a child push my then 18 month old daughter off a soft block in the toddler's section and smack her in the face 3/4 times before I could reach her (20 seconds tops as was sat next to the section and was watching when it happened), I don't doubt there are violent children there - but the staff have their hands tied if they don't see what has happened.

thederkinsdame · 04/03/2012 00:25

Your poor DD. this is hey I hate soft play. There's always some parent whose child behaves unacceptably, and rather than deal with it properly they become aggressive and won't deal wit things properly.

Aribura · 04/03/2012 04:10

You didn't see what happened and therefore have absolutely no leg to stand on.

Mishy1234 · 04/03/2012 06:46

Soft play is the work of the devil imo Wink.

Seriously though, OP's daughter's injuries are pretty nasty and she must have been given a pretty hard thump. The boy's father appears to not have been concerned about her and only about defending his child. He should have shown concern and he should have apologised and made his child do so too.

I don't take my two to soft play as I find it too stressful. Lots of other parents don't though. They use it as an opportunity to ignore their offspring and drink coffee. Maybe that's the problem!

QueenSconetta · 04/03/2012 08:02

Mishy that's exactly the problem. I never cease to be amazed by the amount of people who totally ignore their kids, even quite young ones.

DP caused a shock wave at soft play by shouting 'hey' REALLY loudly at a boy, more to get is attention than anything else, as he was about to push DD face first down the slide and she was just out of DP's reach.,

The mother eventually slunk up and just asked him if he wanted some juice. If it had been reversed DD would have had a serious lecture about the dangers of pushing.

SwimmingThroughSickLullabies · 04/03/2012 08:09

DS was punched in the face by a much older, bigger girl because one of the foam things that DS had passed through swung back and hit her.

The child was with a childminder but she was outside. I told her to go and get her and I got the manager.

The manager was furious with the childminder abd the child, he told the childminder that she would be banned if she didn't supervise the children properly that they had to leave now and that the if the child ever behaved like that again she would be banned too.

I was so pleased. Poor DS had a black eye for goodness sake. The childminder was very apologetic but thank goodness she wasn't mine!

lesley33 · 04/03/2012 08:10

A mum should be able to leave an 8 year old to play in the soft play without constantly supervising her though

Morloth · 04/03/2012 08:12

reddaisy

'Some parents are in denial about their children but I know what my DD is and isnt capable of'

Too funny.

So other parents are in denial when they claim to know their children but you of course really do know yours.

OP the softplay place can't do anything, this is 'He said She said' what if it had been the other way around and the little boy had the injuries and your DD was swearing blind that she hadn't done anything?

The dad backed his kid, the same way you backed your kid.

Also soft play sucks. DS2 will never know about them if I have my way.