to have asked this soft play place to make a child leave?

[notahappycamper]

Was with DC at a soft play place today for a party. DD1 (nearly 8) came over crying and holding her face. When she took her hand away I could see a wide scratch on her cheek. She told me she had been attacked and punched by a smaller boy. Her cheek was split inside and she also had a bruise appearing on her upper arm. I asked her why it happened - she said she was just moving past him and his friends. I again asked had she bumped into him or maybe hurt him by accident. She was certain that nothing had happened.

I went to the front desk to ask for something to clean her face and maybe an ice pack. The girls seemed shocked by the state of DD. I asked them was there a policy when something like this happened? They said "No" but I could speak to the manager. She was unavailable and it was arranged for her to come and speak to me later.

I went into the play area to check on my other 2 DC's and DD saw the child who had hurt her. A man then approached him to ask him to come down. I asked him was the child his and he said yes. I showed him DD's face. He said "Oh yes, she wanted to get past and hit my boy so he hit her back." DD, in between sobs, said" I didnt mummy. I didnt."

This man was about 6' 6" and well built. He said to DD, "Yes you did" and to me he said, "Look I will back my son up all day." I was [shocked] but said, "Well that is very admirable but that level of injury to a child is not acceptable. "
By now the manager had come over and the exchange was repeated but the man would not apologise for his son (who was about 6). The manager asked my DD was she ok and she sobbed "No, it hurts." She then asked me what I wanted(!). I said that I thought they should have some sort of policy where they ask child who are that agressive to leave. The dad said, "Well the party we are at is finished now so we are going anyway." I ended up walking away.

After the dad and child left, the manager again approached me to say that that type of incident happens from time to time but they cant do anything about it. I told her that they should think about taking measures to stop things like this, some sort of punishment, even though I know it is difficult.

So, was IBU?

Regarding height/stature I didn't take it as to mean he was thuggish - I took it to mean he could be intimidating.

but thats purely because of his height, if he was 5'6 and had a mean strak he'd also be intimidating.

*mean streak.

My post asked WIBU to ask if a child could be removed from a soft play area!!

What's with all the attitude about you and your DH's height? I felt intimidated by someone who was leaning over myself and my daughter, who was injured. He said that his son had hit my DD cos she had hit him first - so he had seen it happen. He wasnt shocked by the injuries she had.
Not one of you would just stand there and not comment if your child had a split cheek inside (and obs bleeding), a piece of their skin had been scratched off their cheek (and obs bleeding) and bruising appearing around it and another bruise an inch and a half long on their arm.
Her face is swollen today, she says it hurts a bit when she eats and she had a nightmare about "a big man", as she put it, chasing her last night. Surely places can ask someone to leave if they behave like that? And that, again is what I had posted!

I am 5ft 1" and can be as intimidating as hell

I understand your feeling protective of your dd and I agree that those ijuries are extreme but I would (and have) have comforted her and told her ot stay away from him - if it had happend again then I may have said something

That said if I was the man I would have bloody well made my child say sorry and told them off

but notahappycamper - what he said was that he saw your dd hit his son - plenty people tell their kids not to hit first but def to hit back if hit themselves. Maybe your dd did hit his son - you said she rushed past maybe she pushed or hit him or maybe as she pushed past he thought she hit him- I'm not saying at all what he or his dad did was right butquite possibly the incident was different to what your dd described.

Really - you don't know . Children do have accidents, fights, squabbles etc at play centres.

I think yabu in terms of your original post - all they could do in fairness was ask both your dd and the boy to leave if they're asking anyone to go because its one childs words against another - however innocent you believe your dd is.

Also, and maybe you dont' do this, but in all these incidents I'd be very much inclined to not go over and over what happened etc - let it go

ll31
Usually I would say ignore them, move away etc but it was the extent of her injuries that led me to speak to the dad. The staff wanted my DD to point the child out to them.
This thread went a bit weird and off at a tangent in the middle - but I guess that's happens on here sometimes.
You are right to say let it go, its just hard when I look at her and see her face!

Yes you are being very unreasonable to suggest the child should be made to leave. under that assumption YOUR child should have been made to leave also as an allegation was made that they started it!!!

Frankly you have no idea if your little angel started it.

Incidentally I have some sympathy for the other child, I know how often the scenario described happens because I HAVE to directly supervise DS at softplay, he has SN.

I know how often other "little darlings" hit out, hold children's heads under balls and hit other children if they can't get past.

I know I shouldn't but frankly after a child has tried for the umteenth time to push my son out the way etc, I am half hoping he does turn round and retaliate and perhaps teach the "little darling" a lesson.

Sadly if he did, I know it wouldn't be my son who comes out the worse. However because the "little darling" is injure I too would be expected to remove DS. Whether it was his fault or not, that would be the end of his outing.

Poor little lass

But I am not sure why you think they should 'punish' the boy. It's not up to the manager to do that.

Hope she's better soon.

Oh and the dad was an utter twat! I think having him as a father is enough of a punishment TBH

the Boy was punished - he was taken home.

I really can't see what the dad has done wrong other than backed up his child in what happened and then removed him from the play centre (actually regardless of whether he was in the right or wrong).

unless you count the being tall and disagreeing thing

so it's ok to hit another child as long as your child is smart enough to do it in such a way it doesn't leave a mark or is able to manage and control they're own strength.

Incidentally we don't know that the other parent didn't step in, seeing as the OP was in the toilet at the time.

I once heard someone describe soft play centres as Lord of the flies, with ringside seats.

My 7 year old DD is home educated and she'll only go during school times!

Your poor DD. That sounds horrible. I understand what you mean and of course you didn't see the incident but Biginasmallworld is right, some kids NEVER hit, I never did and my DD never has, she is very quiet and not at all physical. I would be absolutely horrified if this happened to her and i would be just as sure that she hadn't thumped the boy. It is a very difficult situation for the soft play place though, I'm not sure what I would have expected them to do. Don't blame you for not going back though.

It's a fact that the dd was injured by this boy - a split cheek is not the result of a passing push or shove. And it's a fact that the boy wasn't injured.

Sounds like a nasty kid and a nasty father who thinks it's OK for his son to do what the hell he likes. Poor lad has no chance with a father like that.

I hope your DD is OK and getting better, but you did not see it happen, no matter what you say you don't actually know for sure and you sound over protective. If you want to be that protective of your daughter you should watch her constantly. If you chose not to and allow her to play freely you have to deal with her having interactions with other kids. He didn't sound like he was aggressive to you, just equally as defensive. Get over it, and move on.

YWBU and have to realise that your child is your responsibility and not the soft plays.

edam the boy could have bruises under clothes. That is not a fact at all. He may have been really hurt but a child that doesn't cry to his parents and just carries on.

I don't actually think it is that outrageous to say that your child does not hit others. My DD has lots of different friends, boys and girls that she has known since she was little. Amongst these there are some who hit others alot and some who literally never hit or push anyone. It doesn't mean that they are not unkind in other ways sometimes, I have had to talk to my DD about being bossy or critical of others and about how her tone of voice can sound quite superior at times so they all have their moments.

Melted, I'd put good money on the boy and his rotten Father having mentioned it if the boy had been hurt.

It's a shame this happened but I think YABU in expecting the soft play centre staff to make a decision about who to believe when they didn't see what happened. You believed your DD - he believed his DS. The staff were stuck in the middle.

And for those saying a high level of force must be needed - not necessarily. When I first started reading this thread I thought that it was going to be about an incident possibly involving my nephew at a soft play a few days ago. A woman approached my SIL and stated that "your son pushed my daughter over viciously for no reason" and said that her DD's cheek was split and she would have to take her home as her day was ruined. She didn't give SIL a chance to respond so SIL had to deal with her son on the basis that it did happen, even though we were all far from convinced that it did, or that it was even him. It would have taken pretty careful observation to work out that DN was SIL's son as he was hanging around me (feeding DS2) most of the time, while my DS1 was off with SIL playing. We know it wasn't DS1 involved as SIL was with him the whole time and it would be extremely out of character for it to be DN who is very meek and shy, so we rather thought she might have got the wrong mum altogether. We are as sure as we can be that DN (who is 3) wouldn't set out to deliberately harm another child, but we didn't see it happen so can't be sure - children do behave out of character sometimes.

Anyway, whatever the truth of the incident, clearly she sustained quite a serious injury from a push - sometimes the outcome isn't in proportion with the force used.

No it wasn't what was said but unfortunately it is by definition it is the end result.

Other children may hit DS son etc, and meh it happens. but if my son (SN) retaliates it is likely he will bite (yes he has broken skin before) but because he is the one who has caused the most damage (?!?!?) he's the only one who should be told to go home.

No never. But it is for that reason that I know how often ALL children have a sneaky go at others in soft play. Lord of the flies is very apt

But I would point out that the dad in this case appeared to know exactly what had happened, the op wasn't even there

But then I see goodness know how many parents abandon they're child in soft play, the child makes absolute mayham and then claim their child wouldn't say boo to a goose.

One of my big problems with soft play is how I'm meant to teach a child with SN it's not right to hit if he is far more often the victim than the aggressor. For that reason we avoid it.

and that's the point. Either as an establishment you have to punish every allegation or leave it to the parents to resolve.

You can't say it's ok to hit as long as it doesn't leave a mark, which is the unintentional result of your earlier post