Honest question regarding children and public transport

[Crisolate]

Is it really so wrong to expect a child to give up their seat on a packed bus or train? Conversely just because you have a ton of shopping and the bus is packed, should you expect someone to give up their seat for your child?

And by child I mean ages eight and up.

I have to admit I get fairly hacked off when a bus is packed and a parent has let their three kids all sit down when there are elderly people without a seat.

Also my brother is legally blind and parents seem to be happy to let him stand and cling onto a pole or hang by a strap while their children hang all over his guide dog.

Well, my ds has ASD which means he has some balance problems, and social problems and difficulty coping with not sitting at a window amongst other things. Overall, it is better for everyone on the bus if he is sitting down (he is 8) BUT I can't judge whether his needs are always more than others.

Where there is a person with an obvious mobility problem, either I will get up or I will put ds through the potential trauma of him getting up. However, what riles me is that we've had to get up when the bus is full of plenty of others who could get up that don't/can't all have the issues that we have.

Can it often be a case where people judge themselves to be less deserving than an elderly person, but more deserving than someone else who could give up their seat?

I have to say that also, although I don't look it, I am 6 months pregnant too so generally reluctant to get up when there are able people around me that should, - although, - as I said if push comes to shove - I do.

doh - ds is 5, not 8, - but could well have those same problems then.

If a child is young enough to sit on a parents knee they should when the bus is full.

I think it's a shame that people (irrespective of age) to often don't offer seats to people obviously with greater need then them but I don't judge individuals who don't as some people have reasons why standing isnt easy. I have bad knees so struggle to stand but still would if someone was obviously struggling more than I would iyswim

At age 8 they should be able to stand easily on a bus, any disabilities non withstanding. OTOH at that age they have paid for a seat so why shouldn't they sit?
It all depends on circumstances and what it's ok for one 8 year old won't be ok for another.

There wouldn't be this problem if bus companies were not greedy and stopped allowing people to stand so actually had enough buses to cope with demand

DS usually offers his seat. Most children don't - when I was small, most children did. I live in London now, so maybe its a cultural thing!

Sometimes when children are small it is better for them to sit - rather than fall over, get bashed, etc, but still better if they sit on a knee.

I get a bus a few stops down from a high school. The children are quite loud, annoying and bloody selfish and take up at least half the bus! I have never seen one offer anyone a seat.

The worst though are people who sit on the outside seat and pile all their bags on the window seat, then stick their head in a newspaper and pretend not to see all the people crushed in, too polite to ask for a seat.

Hmm, I think as a smaller child I'd have been expected to sit on my mother's knee, even when I was big enough not to want to and would probably have been told to move, with my parent, for an old or infirm person.

Standing upright on a bus can be quite hard though and small people can get flung around a bit, also if you have a few children, it's harder to supervise them all.

I do think people mostly willfully ignore the need, or judge themselves more worthy than others sitting though. It's a more general 'selfish society' thing.

I honestly don't know, and think each situation needs to be taken as it comes.

Personally I'd prefer to stand and have my child (currently too young for this to be an issue) on a seat rather than standing on a packed bus/train because as a shorty myself I know how unpleasant and in some cases dangerous it can be to be well under most people's eye-line and unable to hold onto any overhead bars.

If someone asks/has an obvious medical issue then I'd use my judgement - however I don't think I'd want them to get up for someone just because they're a child and the other person is an adult.

like most things it all depends on circumstance I suppose. I don't use public transport much anymore (thank god) but when I did I regularly gave up my seat for the elderly, disabled, pregnant ladies, people with children. That's just the way I was brought up. What annoys me is the fact some people think they are entitled to a seat just because they are one of the above with no thought for the person they are glaring at and their own circumstances. I'll never forget the time I was (standing) on a bus and some old cow screamed at a young girl for not moving out of the elderly and disabled seats. The young girl was disabled herself and could hardly stand upright, but she did and the old cow never even muttered a thank you!

I'd rather see a healthy adult giving up their seat than an eight year old tbh.

I agree lottie about selfish society. Not helped by the current bashing of vulnerable people i.e. those with disabilities and on benefits.

There is this whole 'I deserve to sit down because I have worked very hard today and I'm tired' kind of attitude, with some kind of justification and assumption that man with a stick probably had all day to chose when to make his journey. Supply and demand and tough bloody luck.

I'd prefer to give up my own seat than have my child stand.

And on the few occasions I take public transport, that is what I do.

Debs75
Passengers have not paid for a seat. They have paid to be taken from A to B. If standing passengers have paid a fare, why are they not making a fuss about not having a seat? Because they have paid just to be taken from A to B and are able to understand that.

I think a smaller child should sit on parent's knee, and an older child should stand. My dcs have always been taught this. But then, I also think perfectly healthy adults should stand up if there us someone who looks like they need the seat more (obviously pregnant person, or parent trying to hold a small child/baby, or older person). Of course, there is always thatt fine line of when a person is going to be insulted at being thought old, or even pregnant
Of course, I'm old, and acknowledge this is my thinking founded from what I was brought up to do. I don't go on buses often enough to know how usual or unusual I would be in doing this.

Backforgood - I am only 28 and didn't know whether to be thankful or offended when I child of about 10 offered me their seat!

Starlight I think you hit the nail on the head when you said you didn't look pregnant. Sometimes, people have no idea if there's anything wrong that requires you needing a seat, so pass judgement not knowing - ie to them you look healthy so why don't you move iyswim.

From being a child I would stand if there's was someone obviously more in need of my seat - obvs pregnant/old/disabled.

I live in London and don't have a car so my children have all been taught to stand if someone needs a seat more than them.
If there is a seat I will often pop them on my knee if the bus is busy and adults are standing( able bodied or otherwise )
I will make them share a seat as well. They are 4 and 6 but from about 3 1/2 have stood up for the elderly or more In need of a seat .
People who sit on the inside seat blocking the seat next to them on a busy bus really annoy me!

My dd gets a bus to school, i tell her she must give up her seat to elderly, those with a disability or pregnant, but it pisses me off that others who have no need think they're more important, i pay for her weekly ticket so she does have a right to sit down !!

They should give up their seat for an older person. By all means sit on a parent's knee if small enough, but stand if not.

It is a good way of teaching consideration for others and respect for adults.

@ Sirzy No, I meant as an adult I would offer a seat for those groups - I used to make my dcs offer for any standing adult. Maybe it was one of my dcs

It took me till half way through my first pregnancy, but after that, I would just pick a young man and loudly say "sorry, I'm pregnant and need to sit down. Could I use that seat please?" I never got refused, and if I did, the person would look like a dick and someone else would give me their seat. Win win!

It was harder when I had legs, admittedly, as it wasn't obvious and I didn't feel like explaining my medical history.

I was brought up and brought up my dcs to always offer a seat to an adult. When they were too young to stand up they had to sit on my knee.

jezebelle - It certainly used to say in the bus riles that children were given half fare on the condition they give up their seat to an adult who would otherwise have been standing.

when I had BAD legs. I still have legs. Having legs in itself isn't a reason to sit down. That would be mad.

I was made to stand up when I was younger by my mum. I sometimes used to pretend to be asleep but she never fell for it.

My DS loves standing on the bus!