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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say 'D'H is an arse?

123 replies

Bogoffubastard · 25/02/2012 19:32

First time poster but I lurk...today H really has pissed me off. The day started fine, was going out to get DD a dress for world book day and DH was staying in. I go and text him whilst I'm out that I'm having lunch with a couple friends too, he texts back "guessed as much ;)" I assume the smiley to mean he doesn't mind but I get back ad usually he helps me through the door with DS2 (1yr old) but this time he didn't, he didn't speak to me or his son and only spoke to DD because she talked to him. He went in his room and soon after left the hose without a word and came back a couple hours later (he'd been shops). I tried talking to him and he said he's fine so "don't start" Hmm he's obviously not because he's still ignoring me and his ds ! He's just sulking instead and DS is upset (managed to get him to sleep now).
DD hasn't noticed a change because he's talking to her..ugh AIBU or is he?

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 25/02/2012 19:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

picnicbasketcase · 25/02/2012 19:37

So he's all pissed off because you stayed out longer than he expected? I think he's being silly and passive agressive. You let him know what you were doing. Did he miss out on doing something else because you were out? Or is he just fed up that you did something fun without him?

MateyMooo · 25/02/2012 19:37

we need more info...

Original poster
Bogoffubastard · 25/02/2012 19:38

Don't know what to say, he moans if I meet my friends, moans if I'm on my iPhone if I'm feeding DS, moans of someone texts me so I always put my phone on silent when around him....
If I tell him I'm meeting my friends he says "I thought as much" Hmm

OP posts:
LilacWaltz · 25/02/2012 19:38

Go tickle him out of his sulk!

BettyPerske · 25/02/2012 19:38

It's very hard of he won't talk at all.

Does he often do this? Or do you think he is really pissed off about something?

I couldn't be happy around someone who wouldn't talk.

BettyPerske · 25/02/2012 19:39

You need to find out why he is so resentful of your social life. Does he worry that you prefer them to him?

I am getting a sense that you barely communicate with him, like, ever. Sad

purpleroses · 25/02/2012 19:40

Once you've got the DCs off to bed, it's time to ask him what he's upset about.

BettyPerske · 25/02/2012 19:40

Not your fault I mean...sounds like a problem though.

GavisconJunkie · 25/02/2012 19:40

Sorry, so you had the DCs with you this morning and for lunch? Is he pissed off that you didn't make it a family day? I take it he's at work all week so perhaps he wanted to spend some time with them. My DH wouldn't be so moody about it, but that might piss him off. But then, he'd probably have come along in the first place.

Otherwise, I'm guessing there's a backstory too.

AThingInYourLife · 25/02/2012 19:41

Does he object to you having friends?

Original poster
Bogoffubastard · 25/02/2012 19:48

I'll try keep up...

No he didn't expect to come out - we don't go out together because theres a large age gap between us but whilst I'm 25 I look 23? At most and he's worried the reaction well get.
I took DCs with me and he was fine in the morn, but now he's not, IF DCs all go sleep I'll chat with him but not sure where I'll get. He has done this before and usually it's a sulk over nothing!

he is stressed from work too and next week is his last, they don't need him anymore but he plans to make a go of his business. But I don't think that's it as he wouldn't be so off with me if that was it

OP posts:
Original poster
Bogoffubastard · 25/02/2012 19:51

I do think he objects to me going out with people. Not that he's jealous but I think he pictures me with a couple friends and not paying attention to DCs?! I have no idea. My friends aren't exactly suited to me anymore as they are childless but they are sensible and not loud or a bad influence at all! And I'm sure he knows this as he's met them. I'm just mad because he's ruined my evening and appetite (haven't even had dinner) and for nothing!

OP posts:
JaneMare · 25/02/2012 19:57

who's put the idea in your head that your childless friends aren't suited to you anymore, OP?

Original poster
Bogoffubastard · 25/02/2012 19:59

I did because we've drifted since I had kids. I grew up and they didn't tbh. I like them still but we don't share the same things in common so much. But they are still nice to me Smile

OP posts:
AThingInYourLife · 25/02/2012 20:00

"we don't go out together because theres a large age gap between us but whilst I'm 25 I look 23? At most and he's worried the reaction well get."

OK, that's seriously weird.

"I do think he objects to me going out with people."

So he won't go out with you, but he objects with you going out with other people.

So he wants you going out alone?

Or he doesn't want you going out at all?

"My friends aren't exactly suited to me anymore as they are childless"

Er, WTAF? What does their childlessness have to do with whether they are suited to you as friends?

"they are sensible and not loud or a bad influence at all! And I'm sure he knows this as he's met them."

Is he your husband or your Dad? Are you 25 or 15?

kodachrome · 25/02/2012 20:04

Don't let his sulks start stopping you from seeing your friends, because that's what he is trying to do - make life so uncomfortable when you see them that you give up.

What he's doing is not fair or right. It's ridiculous that you put your phone on silent so he doesn't make a fuss about contact from your mates.

Whether it's intentional or not, he's being controlling and starting to isolate you. Don't let it slide and don't acquiesce.

rhondajean · 25/02/2012 20:06

I am not liking the sound of this at all.

At first I felt sorry for him becaus I know my DH can sulk if he needs attention and I'm busy with other things and vice versa (i can be a champion sulker if need be!) but that isn't that is it, this sounds more to do with control issues and a power imbalance at the heart of your relationship.

He is bvvvvvu but you know that don't you?

DaisyAndConfused · 25/02/2012 20:13

My dh is 27 years older than me and we go out together when finances and childcare allows all the time.

(although maybe it helps that I am 38 and look 102)

So as ATIYL says WTAF?

Original poster
Bogoffubastard · 25/02/2012 20:15

Well I'm (just) 25 and he's 50 Blush

OP posts:
JaneMare · 25/02/2012 20:20

why are you embarrassed about his age?

Coconutty · 25/02/2012 20:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Bogoffubastard · 25/02/2012 20:22

I'm not ok with it but he's convinced that people will lynch him and that DD would have a rough time at school if the other parents saw him Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Bogoffubastard · 25/02/2012 20:23

Do people really not care if they see an older man with a young woman and a couple kids? We have got a lot of Hmm looks in the past...

OP posts:
Coconutty · 25/02/2012 20:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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