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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say 'D'H is an arse?

123 replies

Bogoffubastard · 25/02/2012 19:32

First time poster but I lurk...today H really has pissed me off. The day started fine, was going out to get DD a dress for world book day and DH was staying in. I go and text him whilst I'm out that I'm having lunch with a couple friends too, he texts back "guessed as much ;)" I assume the smiley to mean he doesn't mind but I get back ad usually he helps me through the door with DS2 (1yr old) but this time he didn't, he didn't speak to me or his son and only spoke to DD because she talked to him. He went in his room and soon after left the hose without a word and came back a couple hours later (he'd been shops). I tried talking to him and he said he's fine so "don't start" Hmm he's obviously not because he's still ignoring me and his ds ! He's just sulking instead and DS is upset (managed to get him to sleep now).
DD hasn't noticed a change because he's talking to her..ugh AIBU or is he?

OP posts:
JaneMare · 25/02/2012 20:23

my DH is 50 next birthday - he's proud to take our DD to school

what's his problem?

Original poster
Bogoffubastard · 25/02/2012 20:24

Been together 9yrs

OP posts:
Coconutty · 25/02/2012 20:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Bogoffubastard · 25/02/2012 20:25

Jane if I looked about 28+ I don't think there would be a problem but because I look so young...

OP posts:
JaneMare · 25/02/2012 20:26

you didn't care at one time, OP, you had his children

what's changed?

DaisyAndConfused · 25/02/2012 20:26

If you want I have a stack of retorts for people who make faces at you as a couple. I can send you some. Being Blush is not good for the soul.

Original poster
Bogoffubastard · 25/02/2012 20:26

Ds is nearly asleep so will try chat to DH in a min but he might be asleep already...

OP posts:
Coconutty · 25/02/2012 20:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Bogoffubastard · 25/02/2012 20:28

I dunno maybe I just resigned myself to living like a single parent because he doesn't chip in publicly (sp?)

OP posts:
purpleroses · 25/02/2012 20:28

That's crazy :( He can't seriously say he's never to be seen with you and your DCs because he's embarrassed to be seen with you. I'd be furious if I was you!

I'm a single parent and very often when visiting my parents me and my dad take DS out whilst my mum has DD. I'm sure people sometimes look at us wondering whether he's my dad, or a rather older partner (he was only 51 when I had DS) - but it's never bothered me in the slightest. And noone has ever mentioned it. The worst that could possibly happen is that someone might assume he's your dad, but so what? You correct them and they are probably a tad embarrassed and you move on. I suspect there's more to this - is he just a bit of a loner and doesn't enjoy other people's company?

JaneMare · 25/02/2012 20:28

tbh, i think you're hung up on how young YOU look

who the hell cares? women are spending £s and £s trying to look young - get out there with your family and shine!

rhondajean · 25/02/2012 20:29

So you were 16 when you got together and he was 41?

I'm sorry but I think that's a bit off.

But 25 and 50 isn't...I know I'm bring hypocritical but I would genuinely worry if my dd brought home a man in his forties at 16. I think the growing up in that decade 16 to 26 is immense.

AThingInYourLife · 25/02/2012 20:30

I can see why people might have been staring when you were 16 and he was 44.

RandomMess · 25/02/2012 20:30

I think when you met and were still younger the age gap was a much much bigger issue...

Original poster
Bogoffubastard · 25/02/2012 20:30

He isn't much of a socialiser.

I'm going to see if he's up and chat to him

I'll catch up in a bit...

OP posts:
AThingInYourLife · 25/02/2012 20:32

Sorry, 41, turned my 9 upside down when subtracting Blush

StewieGriffinsMom · 25/02/2012 20:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChickensHaveNoLips · 25/02/2012 20:35

YANBU. He is being an arse. You are allowed to go out with friends, ffs. And the age thing might be a part of this.

DaisyAndConfused · 25/02/2012 20:37

Bogoff, sorry if I was flippant earlier, hope it goes well with the chat and really age differences are nothing to be ashamed of. If it makes you feel better my DH is older than my Dad.

It can make for an odd in-laws relationship but how boring would it be if all couples were the same.

Original poster
Bogoffubastard · 25/02/2012 20:37

He was asleep Angry not even pretending 'sigh

Hoping hell wake up though...really want to talk about his mood

OP posts:
purpleroses · 25/02/2012 20:39

Maybe he's really stressed from work, and taking it out on you? Very early to be asleep - suggests he must be really run down.

Original poster
Bogoffubastard · 25/02/2012 20:41

He was at 7am? He usually is run down at the end of the day but then he smokes 40 a day and only eats dinner sometimes lunch Sad

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 25/02/2012 20:41

It is possible that one of the reasons he got together with a 16 year old in his forties is that he is controlling insecure. It may have suited him that you were young and he could be in charge and important. Now, you are a mother and very much an adult. That changes the dynamic a lot. It may be that he is feeling that the relationship is no longer balanced in a way that works for him.

Original poster
Bogoffubastard · 25/02/2012 20:41

Up at 7am*

OP posts:
Original poster
Bogoffubastard · 25/02/2012 20:43

Don't know mrs, I don't think he's controlling. I think he just has a moany persona Grin

He does think he knows what's best for me (being older) and he is usually right but I'm stubborn

OP posts:
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