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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel sad for ds about lack of party invite? And a bit stupidmyself?

69 replies

LadyMontdore · 19/02/2012 20:52

Gave out ds's party invites two weeks ago, no reply from one particular mum. Today on facebook see an update thanking all the lovely people who came to her ds's party (the one who is invited to my ds's party). He wasn't invited :( . We see them every week, children play mother and i chat, her ds came to our Halloween party, handed the mother the invite myself and she said nothing! Other people from the same 'group' were obviously there, I feel v silly and tempted to message a 'looks like xx had a good party, can' t remember if I gave you xx's invite?' but then that'll be always next time I see her!

OP posts:

Original poster

LadyMontdore · 19/02/2012 20:54

Meant to say that'll be awkward next time!

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BillyBollyBandy · 19/02/2012 20:54

Don't message anything! Unless it is something very neutral like "Glad he said a lovely time! x"

I would follow up and ask her for an RSVP regarding your ds's party though - non repliers piss me off.

dexter73 · 19/02/2012 20:55

I would just let it go. Just because you have invited her ds to a party doesn't mean she is obliged to invite your ds.

catsareevil · 19/02/2012 20:55

If she had already handed out the invitations for her DS party she maybe felt like it was too late to reciprocate when you did yours.

Hattie11 · 19/02/2012 20:57

YABU nothing qualifies anyone a right to an invite for a party!

This is a real bug bear of mine. My children choose their friends to invite, i give them a number and they choose who. It doesn't matter to me whether my dc's have been to others ... in fact i don't keep track anyway.

For all you know she thought she'd given you an invite and it got lost.

Just because you and her are friends, therefore your children play when you're together, doesn't mean the children feel the same way.

Kennyp · 19/02/2012 20:58

That is upsetting for you, i realise. I wouldnt say snything, but if i am in your situation i make sure i like someones status or post a comment further up to someine else so that they can see i have been online but ignored them.

Obviously the persn might not see that but at least i feel better.
Hope you feel better tomorrow.

Original poster

LadyMontdore · 19/02/2012 20:59

Totally understand too late to reciprocate but surely you would say ''xx just having a few friends this year'. This is someone we see lots of who already came to one party (and brought extra siblings!)

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NotWell · 19/02/2012 21:02

Some people are just mean...it''s always a shock to be the victim of them. My friend had a similar situation...but worse as the friend was a good one...or so se thought.

Consider this as a favour...and cool off on her. You know her for what she IS now. A bitch.

Original poster

LadyMontdore · 19/02/2012 21:04

I'm upset about the fact that nothing was said more than the lack of invite, followed by facebook comment.
obviously people have different sized parties. Although I do think it is polite to return invites.

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OriginalJamie · 19/02/2012 21:05

It's normal to feel sad and even worried, but you should not let it get to you. It's not about you. There are all sorts of reasons for dcs not being invited to parties, depending on the age of the children.If your son is upset then it's up to you to be measured about it and you can't do that if you are projecting your own feelings.

Rude of her not to RSVP. Wonder if it was awkwardness on her part, knowing your ds wasn't going to be invited to hers?

Original poster

LadyMontdore · 19/02/2012 21:07

Thanks notwell (hope your name isn't true). I certainly shan't be listening to anymore of her self-centred stories any more. I feel so silly about it, no way will I tell anyone in rl!

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TooEasilyTempted · 19/02/2012 21:09

The only time I'd say something in this kind of situation would be if the whole class were invited and my child was the only one that I knew for sure was left out. And even then it'd be along the lines of "has my DS done something to upset your DC as I've noticed he's the only one not invited to your DC's party."

Otherwise, I'd leave it. But YANBU to feel upset and sad for your DS. Out of interest, has your DS mentioned it at all, is he aware there was a party he wasn't invited to?

Original poster

LadyMontdore · 19/02/2012 21:10

Ds doesn't know. It' just so tempting to click like on her fb comment to try encourage a touch of awkwardness!

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veryconfusedatthemoment · 19/02/2012 21:13

This half-term twin friends of my DS had their joint party. DS wasn't invited - I have a feeling that it may have been girls only. They are all Year 2 and the party sizes are definitely reducing. We have approx 20 girls in the class out of 30 so it helps to exclude eg the boys so that is what has generally happened this year. My DS hasn't realised but would probably be upset, but on Tues we will take into school a small present for them each. I am great friends with the mum and to be blunt would have prefered to know so I could manage DS expectations but it is just one of those "funny" playground things.
As a pp said chase for your non-replies. Hope your DS has fun at his party.

Hattie11 · 19/02/2012 21:13

Are you all for real?

Why is she a bitch for not inviting your son?

children can be so fickle, someone who is their friend one day may not be a few weeks later, so why do they have to recipricate invites?

Proudnscary · 19/02/2012 21:14

Please, for the love of God, don't message her or put anything on Facebook, you will look like a total nutter.

There are dozens of boring and inconsequential reasons why parents don't invite kids to their dc's parties or RSVP.

I would get over it right now or you will have years of hand wringing and despair. It really does not matter.

Original poster

LadyMontdore · 19/02/2012 21:22

I didn't say she was a b! And i wouldn''t really say anything - but will feel pretty daft when I chase invite! Dcs are pre school, a bit young to do their own guest list, maybe that is way I felt a bit miffed!

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Proudnscary · 19/02/2012 21:26

Yes your dc is pre school - and when he is seven or eight and 8 billion parties down the line you will look back and think 'good god was I really ranting and raving about this? How embaressing! (hopefully)

Original poster

LadyMontdore · 19/02/2012 21:31

I am not ranting, just sad that someone i thiught was a friend took invite, hasn't replied and has not said anything about her ds party - she very likely handed out invitations when we were there without me noticing.

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AFingerofFudge · 19/02/2012 21:32

The problem with children's invites is....mostly they are just that - children's! As others have said, children are fickle and can decide on a whim (like they didn't play with x that day) that they're not invited.
BUT it can tap into our own rejection stuff - I should know, years ago I used to get all upset about it, but now..... as proudnscary has just said, 8 billion parties down the line I've realized that in general nobody is doing deliberate rejection, it just happens.....
I admit, I still slightly get the hump on behalf of my kids, but then I tell myself to get a grip and stop thinking a load of nonsense!!

Original poster

LadyMontdore · 19/02/2012 21:35

And I certainly won't be embarrassed as no one knows, not even dh - because I know it's silly to be upset. But I do feel embarassedabout what i'm going to potentially hearwhen I chase!

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Hattie11 · 19/02/2012 21:35

no notwell called her a bitch.

my dc's still picked their own guest lists at pre-school.

And i agree you will find this moment embarrassing in a few more years.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 19/02/2012 21:36

I'm normally of the 'don't worry about it' school of thought about party invite etiquette, but it seems rather unkind if she has invited all the other DCs from your circle of friends and left your DC out.

Original poster

LadyMontdore · 19/02/2012 21:59

I guess I just feel a mug - invited the litle boy from pre-school who apparently pushes people because I didn't want him to be the only one nOt invited. Also another boy he doesn't like because I didn't want to leave out just one from a different circle. That is something i'd be embarrassed about! Maybe I just need to be a bit more ruthless!

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Hattie11 · 19/02/2012 22:28

You're not a mug at all, you were just being soft! you've learn for next time! ;)

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