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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel sad for ds about lack of party invite? And a bit stupidmyself?

69 replies

LadyMontdore · 19/02/2012 20:52

Gave out ds's party invites two weeks ago, no reply from one particular mum. Today on facebook see an update thanking all the lovely people who came to her ds's party (the one who is invited to my ds's party). He wasn't invited :( . We see them every week, children play mother and i chat, her ds came to our Halloween party, handed the mother the invite myself and she said nothing! Other people from the same 'group' were obviously there, I feel v silly and tempted to message a 'looks like xx had a good party, can' t remember if I gave you xx's invite?' but then that'll be always next time I see her!

OP posts:

porcamiseria · 20/02/2012 12:09

agree with notwell, I think you should def disassociate wth her OP, she is MEAN .

BendyBob · 20/02/2012 12:20

I can see why you feel a bit sad but I'm sure it's not personal. This happens a lot as children's friendships come and go. Tit for tat invites can't really be expected otherwise you'd be having exactly the same people to parties for ever more.

I don't like non repliers to invites though. Very rude.

Original poster

LadyMontdore · 22/02/2012 13:59

I feel compelled to update, though I'm sure no one (me included!) is very interested.

Saw the mum yesterday, she said nothing. Other friend arrived and said somthing about 'the birthday girl' which made me . Her DC wasn't invited either and friend also saw on fb, and the mum also didn't reply to her invitation a few months ago. The others were there though. V glad to know I wasn't the only one but still think it v rude.

I didn't say anything about anything to the mum apart from (relating to a different matter) that we wouldn't be there next week because it was DS's BIRTHDAY, she said nothing!

So I'm going to message her saying that as I haven't heard from her I've put her DCs down as a 'no thank you' and I shall withdraw from all but essential conversations. It actually feels strangely liberating to have seen her true colours and know her for what she is - RUDE (and a bit weird IMO)!

OP posts:

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 22/02/2012 14:07

I think you're doing the right thing! When is your DS's party? I would just leave it until a day or two before and send a polite "Hope your invite got to you ok, the party is in 2 days time but I'm guessing you're busy. See you soon" type thing. Then just move on from her and give her a wide berth.

DodieSmith · 22/02/2012 14:38

YANBU

porcamiseria · 22/02/2012 14:39

i AM INTERESTED! yeh trim the rude old cow

wannabestressfree · 22/02/2012 14:44

Just to thread jack i reminds me of when I was six and invited myself to a party I wasn't invited to..........
My mum still gets embarrassed about it now...{snigger}

Tryharder · 22/02/2012 14:50

When I read your OP, I thought, well you have every right to be a bit cheesed off. But you are taking this FAR FAR too personally what with all the FB updates etc.

We generally always give a large party for DS1 and invite a lot of children and he hasn't been asked back to lots of parties. It's a bit annoying and maybe the child in question doesn't like my DC that much or perhaps that mother doesn't like me......you could go round and round in circles with it. More likely, the mother has said "invite 12 kids" - the DC has listed 12 random kids in his class and it's pot luck whether or not your DC is included.

Don't message her to say that you are putting her down as not coming. In fact, I would be really, really nice when you next see her and ask her if her DC is coming or not. If she's being a bitch, she will squirm. If not, well, you will get your answer.

Don't give this issue anymore of your time. I obsessed for a few days last year over that fact that DS1 was excluded from a certain party until DH told me to get over myself. DS1 wasn't that bothered.

porcamiseria · 22/02/2012 14:53

wanna be, when I was a kid I would just ask for the going home present, the minute I arrived!

crystalglasses · 22/02/2012 15:01

When I was a 6 year old child I had a little, much younger friend (about 4 years old) living next door. She was having a birthday party and told me that I was invited although I never received a written invitation. Day of the party comes and I insist to my dm that I had been invited, put my party dress and march next door, followed by my very embarrassed dm. Friends mum was very garcious and said that I hadn't been invited because she though I would be far too old to enjoy the party.

I don't know if she was telling the truth or being polite but I really enjoyed myself at the party.

EauDeLaPoisson · 22/02/2012 15:17

I had a 'friend' like this- toxic to the core. Her dd and mine get in well yet my dd was often cast aside for the children of mothers she liked. Ignore and I will bet my last rolo the silly cow will 'be there for you' when you have a drama as a chance to make herself look like a hero.

Cherriesarelovely · 22/02/2012 17:43

I can understand you feeling a bit fed up about this OP and about the facebook thing. God facebook has alot to answer for! We all have different veiws on parties. One of my friends always has HUGE parties for her kids and once invited 70 children (she has twins and she invited every child in both class plus extras). She is absolutely determined that as she has done this so should others. I'm afraid it only leads to dissapointment and upset and she has fostered this attitude in her children who think it is terribly "unfair" if anyone doesn't invite them back to their party.

I'm not saying you are anything like this OP you sound really kind, I think inviting the two children who you thought might feel left out was so lovely. Just pointing out that this happens all the time and it is best not to dwell on it too much.

DayShiftDoris · 22/02/2012 23:08

Wait until your child has only ever been invited to ONE birthday part in four years at school and then come back and fucking moan.

You aren't one of those 'bitchy mums' yet you openly admit that if your child wanted to invite 6/7 girls that it wouldnt be 'unless one was a bully or something'

Like autistic perhaps?
Because my child doesnt come with a forehead label with the word on it so you inlooker might think he's quite undeserving and an arse... tho it's a small school so they probably know but still 'don't like his behaviour'

Now luckily I am not a bitch so I actually do not snub mums in the playground that dont include my DS in fact I go out of my way to be friendly, nor to I advertise my son's disability to provoke sympathy, nor to I question lack of invites... I just accept that there are people that are so self obsessed and petty and have so little in their life to worry about that a birthday party invite becomes ALL important...

And i am frankly glad I dont have to engage with them anymore than I need to so that it's friendly in the playground or endure the fell that a birthday party would be to manage for my child... though he'd love to go to.

Original poster

LadyMontdore · 23/02/2012 08:39

dayshift! If you had actually read the thread you would see that it is not 'all important', just because you are slightly shocked by the behaviour of a friend and post on MN to gather opinions on what to do does not mean you aren't thinking of anything else.

No, if my son was actually being bullied by someone at school then of course I wouldn't expect to invite him! WHo on earth would? It's a bit of a leap from that to assume I wouldn't invite someone with Autism, in fact if you read my thread you'll observe that I have said that I was keen not to upset anyone. And FYI my own brother had very severe SN so after years of visiting him in his care home and school I'm pretty familiar with SN. Please don't seek offence where there is none, that can't make your life any easier.

OP posts:

DayShiftDoris · 24/02/2012 02:53

I did read the whole thread ACTUALLY and I thought you were petty for being so nasty about someone you considered a friend - creating a petty FB war over nothing - a birthday invite.

I wasnt offended - I was aghast that so much could be made from the lack of one invite. You seriously, seriously going to lose a friend over a birthday party... then you must have so many people in your life that losing one wont matter.

What I am saying is you have no reason to moan... its one party... she may have been skint and you have constructed a whole imaginary world of values and expectations around some balloons, jelly & ice cream and a verse of Happy Birthday.

SlinkingOutsideInFrocks · 24/02/2012 03:34

"ACTUALLY"

Dayshift, you are giving the impression of taking this way too personally.

Now, maybe you're not actually taking this all that peronally; just like it isn't really 'all-important' to the OP...

Longdistance · 24/02/2012 04:01

I'd delete her off fb, and stay well clear. Can't be bothered with ignorant ppl. She sounds a right knob anyway!

runningwilde · 24/02/2012 06:40

Agree with slinking - 'dayshift', what on earth?!

Op, keep your distance from this rude woman, she has already not replied to someone else too and has done it to you, the best thing to do is ignore her as much as possible and don't invite her again. I would be direct about her lack of reply - saying 'I gave you an invite weeks ago? Can you tell me whether or not you are coming?'

Original poster

LadyMontdore · 24/02/2012 07:53

Dayshift - I haven't 'created a petty fb war', she put up one post! I haven't been nasty at all - just slightly shocked at her rudeness. And she isn't skint! I'm not going to 'lose a friend' I've just realised that someone I considered a friend doesn't consider me to be one, I don't think that makes me nasty.

I have repeatedly said it's not the lack of invite, it's the weird non-mentioning parties at all behaviour of the other mum that I find odd.

OP posts:

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