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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not be a chauffeur to my teenager?

129 replies

fber · 18/02/2012 20:09

FFS. almost 17 year old off on another frickin 'birthday' and I'm expected to pick her up from wherever at 11pm. I said I'd take her (at 8pm) I never said I'd bring her back. I'm SURE she said she was getting a lift back. She must've done, because I would never have left it unclear.

I'm sick of being her fucking taxi. I've just put the two dcs to bed (2&4) and I'm looking forward to getting in my pjs.

I suppose most of the other parents haven't got small dcs, but hey that's my fault for remarrying. Whatever, I'm fucked off with the guilt trip at the knowledge that some parents go into the city centre at stupid fucking oclock to pick up their spoilt brattish fucking teenagers. Of which my dd is fast becoming.

I'm knackered, and I have a sore throat. My dh is too, he's worked all day.

I don't want to do it. AIBU?

OP posts:
Gumby · 18/02/2012 20:11

no, if she can get a lift then let her
or pay for a taxi out of her allowance
if it's once a month I would, if it's once a week I wouldnt
can't you plead with dh or does he fancy a beer?

LizzieMo · 18/02/2012 20:12

How would she get home if you don't?? I know it is a pain but surely if you pick her up you know she is getting home safely. I would be nervous of my 17 year old DD potentially walking home alone at night.

Ruthchan · 18/02/2012 20:12

Can't she get a taxi home?

OriginalJamie · 18/02/2012 20:12

AT 17 I had a job and paid for my own taxis, with occasional lifts

meathmom1234 · 18/02/2012 20:12

Is there public transport she can take?

BrianCoxHasScaryHair · 18/02/2012 20:14

YANBU, you have small children to consider - your 17 yo needs to understand this. Have you sat down and explained this to her?

OTOH, can you be sure she will get home safely from where she is? Bus/Taxi/Friend?

I know 17 is considered old enough to take care of themselves but I do remember my dad would come and pick me up any hour if I got stuck. I would leave the house being told 'if you can't get a taxi, call me, I'll be up til 2am, any later you're on your own'.

Ah, my dad was lovely (he was up til that time though and didn't have youngsters in the house)

Can your OH not get her tonight, while you are feeling under the weather. Then you can sit her down tomorrow and say 'this isn't on, once in a while is fine but you are taking liberties' ?

scarletforya · 18/02/2012 20:14

17? What, let her make her own way home!

I came and went as I pleased at 17 under my own steam. Giving a 17 year old lifts is ridiculous!

usualsuspect · 18/02/2012 20:14

My teenagers mostly came home with a friend who stayed the night or went back to a friends to stay ,so they didn't have to travel home alone

squeakytoy · 18/02/2012 20:15

At 17, I never relied on my parents to chauffeur me around, tell her to sort her own social life out.

cardibach · 18/02/2012 20:15

You sound very angry about this. Is there a reason? It seems an over reaction for something fairly commonplace otherwise. Does she generally take advantage of you? Or is it something else?

mumblechum1 · 18/02/2012 20:15

DS has been coming home in taxis since he was 15, as we're out in the sticks and I like a glass of wine on Saturday nights.

I don't get the problem, tbh, don't you have taxis where you live?

BeeBawBabbity · 18/02/2012 20:17

Taxi! I'd moved out at 17 and lived in Glasgow and would have walked home (was skint). Time she grew up and took responsibility for herself.

IHaveAFeatureWallAndILikeIt · 18/02/2012 20:20

17 is a tough age, she wants to have, and there is no reason why she shouldn't have, a social life but doesn't have the independence to facilitate it. It must be really tough having a 17 year that wants lifts and 2 under 5 that need sleep. Can you afford to give her taxi fare? What about a train then taxi from the station, which might be cheaper?

I don't think shes being brattish for wanting lifts, its just unfortunate that you have little ones too, and in the same vein why should the two of them be dragged out that late for her lift? Its a dilemma. Maybe you could increase her allowance to cover the odd taxi home and then its her responsibility to budget for it.

Original poster
fber · 18/02/2012 20:22

I'm definitely going to call her on it tomorrow. She gets me every time by confusing me. She knows my memory is crap.

This is the final straw actually because she's been given lecture after lecture about not abusing her bf's mum by allowing her to bring her home all the time (there is a good enough bus route to her bf's, we've refused to ferry them both around anymore.

She's a good girl generally so I do feel mean, but this takes the piss. It's a taxi ride away, this meal - she's never taken a taxi on her own! No need eh!!!!

AND she went out for lunch into the centre of manchester to another birthday today!

I give her £20 a week for doing fuck all, so maybe she's got too much money. Grrrrr.

OP posts:
troisgarcons · 18/02/2012 20:22

Whatever, I'm fucked off with the guilt trip at the knowledge that some parents go into the city centre at stupid fucking oclock to pick up their spoilt brattish fucking teenagers. Of which my dd is fast becoming.

I/DH always pick opur 15 and 16yo boys up. My father always cameand got me. better safe than a knife in the ribs, I find. And yes, we also have a primary aged child at home.

YABVU

IHaveAFeatureWallAndILikeIt · 18/02/2012 20:23

when I was 17 my mum was out and my dad was meant to pick me up from the train station, but he fell asleep so I walked home (its only 20 mins through a pretty safe village) then had to climb onto next doors shed and use my library card to break into my bedroom window. Mum was furious!! But I lived!

GettinTrimmer · 18/02/2012 20:24

I got myself at home age 17, used to catch the bus and walk up the road in the dark. I am not sure I would want my dd to do that though.

My dc aren't teens yet but my friend who used to gallavant all over the place herself age 15 but collects her 17 year old all over the place says we live in more worrying times compared to the early 80s.

YANBU btw, can she get a taxi, or are you worried about her getting into a taxi on her own?

IHaveAFeatureWallAndILikeIt · 18/02/2012 20:24

£20 a week is plenty!

Bonsoir · 18/02/2012 20:25

If you don't live centrally and/or there is no public transport, I think that parents have to fund a certain amount of taxi transport for their teenagers or do the chauffeuring themselves.

Keeping her at home and depriving her of a social life is not the way forward.

mumblechum1 · 18/02/2012 20:25

Why has your dd never used a taxi, OP?

LeBOF · 18/02/2012 20:26

That's a ridiculous post, Trois. Getting a taxi home is hardly inviting a knife attack. Besides which, 15 and 16 year old boys shouldn't be drinking in town centres.

Original poster
fber · 18/02/2012 20:27

indeed

OP posts:
jubilee10 · 18/02/2012 20:28

We go between picking them up, getting a taxi and sharing a lift although we said no to a party last night. We also have a 5 year old at home.

LizzieMo · 18/02/2012 20:29

My Mum used to tell me to get a taxi, sometimes she even gave me the money to pay for it. Each time I kept the money and walked home instead, sometimes with friends, sometimes alone. My Mum never knew. I survived, but, it is not really safe for a young girl to be out there at night and unfortunately horrible thing do happen. If you tell your daughter to make her own arrangements, I think you need to be clear exactly what those arrangements are. 17 is still a young age and some teenagers are oblivious of dangers.

BackforGood · 18/02/2012 20:30

You sound irrationally angry about this.
I'd like to be sure my dcs had a safe route home, and yes, I know it can be a pain - I taxi my 15 yr old quite a bit.
Why is it always you though ? Do you not share the lifts with parents of the other people she is out with ?