to not be a chauffeur to my teenager?

[fber]

FFS. almost 17 year old off on another frickin 'birthday' and I'm expected to pick her up from wherever at 11pm. I said I'd take her (at 8pm) I never said I'd bring her back. I'm SURE she said she was getting a lift back. She must've done, because I would never have left it unclear.

I'm sick of being her fucking taxi. I've just put the two dcs to bed (2&4) and I'm looking forward to getting in my pjs.

I suppose most of the other parents haven't got small dcs, but hey that's my fault for remarrying. Whatever, I'm fucked off with the guilt trip at the knowledge that some parents go into the city centre at stupid fucking oclock to pick up their spoilt brattish fucking teenagers. Of which my dd is fast becoming.

I'm knackered, and I have a sore throat. My dh is too, he's worked all day.

I don't want to do it. AIBU?

My dad, or my friends dads always picked us up. They moaned, but they always did it.

I will pick up DS in the same way.

You could always set up a taxi account for her.

Have 4 Dcs and been thru teenage times with 3 of them, totally sympathise but goes with territory, that and can I borrow some money!

DS is 17 and plays prop. Most of his friends are similar. They are all lovely lads. If DS is home by 11.30ish he travels with friends to the nearest tube station and walks the long way down the very safe high street. If it is later or if this means he is with a friend who would then be alone for a more lonely walk, then friend will either stay here or DS will stay there. DS has been at school with most friends for many years and we know the families through school and local sports clubs. The boys are all about six foot tall now anyway. We are in a very nice part of London but we still venture caution. If the boys would let us I think the parents would happily run pick up rotas.

DD is 13.5. She will not be coming home alone or with just one friend. She will always have taxi money, encouraged to get taxi with a friend or collected.

I was brought up in the country. In the late 70s my parents expected me to be collected from the house if I had a date and escorted back again. If I went out with girlfriends we usually met early at each others homes to get ready and were collected by a parent or got a taxi home, often staying overnight at each others' houses. And parents called to check where we were.

YABVU.

I wish my ASD son would go out! He is 15 and last weekend I dropped him off at his friends, he got the bus for the first time without me. I picked him up about 8pm he had been bowling, lunch and cinema. The first time ever he had done any of those things with friends not family.
Probably no consolation for you but I would be more than happy to be taxi mum!

We preferred picking DD up to her getting a lift with a friend who had just passed their test! It got easier as they all got more experienced and DD was often the driver as she never drank.

She always offerred to get the night bus, but as she would be alone for the journey (friends all got different buses) we went to get her, or swapped with other parents, but it was not every week and I miss it now she is at Uni.

Starting again now with DS (16) going to concerts, needing lifts back from the station.

It depends on the availability of taxis. At the very least she should be able to ring you if she is unable to get one.

some parents go into the city centre at stupid fucking oclock to pick up their spoilt brattish fucking teenagers.

When DD (now 19) first started going out she used to get taxis home (but I still lay awake worrying til she got in). Sometime she would walk home - this was not part of the deal so I suggested that either I or her dad would collect her regardless.

This actually works better for us as we can sleep easy knowing she will text for a lift - therefore apart from having to collect her I get a decent nights sleep rather than worrying (my problem)

My daughter is not a spoilt brat - it was my suggestion, and if anything she is more likely to come home at civilised time as she knows we need our sleep - tyoing this after just collecting her from a friends

We have good bus/train transport links and DS aged 17 uses these. He is mature enough to make good use of them. I would not be ferrying him around at his age and he wouldn't want me to though I do help out with fares sometimes. If he hasn't sorted transport home himself then he doesn't go. I don't equate parental lifts with not getting stabbed either!

Good point Princess. Another reason I used to walk home was that there was always a long queue for taxis.

Sorry, I think YABU. Being transport for your teenager is as much a part of the parenting package as doing night wakings with babies and toddlers. Their needs are different but they still need you.

If you don't want to pick her up then make sure she has money for a taxi.

One of the great things my parents did for me as a teenager was to remind me, every time I went out, that if I got stuck, I could always call them, no matter what time it was or where I was or what I had been doing. Knowing that stopped me from getting into a car with a drunk driver. It could have saved my life.

nikcname that's fab. And I am pleased dd has got a social life (and they are a lovely bunch - I was definitely BU about that)

Taxis scare me actually. Will she sit in the front and risk a groping, or sit in the back and fall prey to child locks? Will she get home at all? At least if you're on a bus, then you're on a bloody great conspicuous bus!

Grrr. I always go get her usually, it's the suspected covert manipulation that I'm balking at.

DH has set her up with how to get a taxi home :(

Exactly what AKMD said. (both posts)

My DD 16 gets herself about. She went to Manchester from Liverpool and back home again for 2am at 15.

I pay for her taxi's as part of her spending money, but tell her to come home and i will pay the other end if she is stuck. She is very mature though.

Your DD should be mainly independant, except for the odd occassion, she would obviously need the money for a taxi on top of what you give her.

It depends on what is going on, if she is going to Manchester. If she is can handle being out in the city entre, she can get herself home.

AKMD I was exactly the same, my dad always said - no matter what, you call me if you're stuck.

I intend to do the same with DD (although she's 8 and by the time she's a teenager I'll have locked her in her room and won't be letting her out again until she's at least 25 )

Mine all knew they could ring for a lift if they were really stuck

This is nothing to do with remarrying. Full stop. The trouble is that there are fewer buses or trains in the evenings these days. So it has to be up to parents or other interested parties to do the ferrying. Bit like school run. Share with others like school run.

If the trips are not affordable, do not allow them!!! Who holds the purse strings??

what's this 'if you're stuck' malarkey?

What sort of message does that give out? That it's ok to forget to be responsible/miss the last bus/go too far away from home than you can reasonable get back from? If I'd phoned my parents at 2am or whatever for a lift I'm sure they'd have come to get me, but I'd be shitting it because I'd have known they'd be LIVID!

Me too fber, was about to post that. Of course my parents would come if I was stuck, but i would never be stuck!

If you plan to go out you plan to get back, and have the money to do so

British Crime Survey Violence Rates (1981?2009) less now than back in 1981

We where more at risk getting ourselves home then than our teens are now

Besides which, 15 and 16 year old boys shouldn't be drinking in town centres.

Don't be so bloody stupid. Once too often, walking to the bus stop both of them have been mugged by, well daren't mention sterotyping inner city types dare we?

As I say, rather pick them up than get a knife in the ribs.

eh? what they doing wandering out and about in the city after dark anyway?

My ds has had 2 incidents in the past 4 weeks - 1 attempted mugging of his friend and one where a gang chased him and his friends. This is not in a City Centre, but in a very nice suburb. I like him to know that if he's been scared by something like that, he must ring us, and one of us will go and get him. that's got nothing to do with not being organised or forgetting the time, it's got to do with circumstances he hasn't got control over, and me letting him know that his Dad and I love him, and want him to ask us for help if ever he feels he needs it.
I'm surprised and saddened that all parents don't feel the same.

well, it gets dark around teatime here. My dcs still go out to things or to friends houses in the evenings.

precisely the reason that I am so pissed off at the confusion about whether I was picking her up is because I can't bear NOT to pick her up. If that makes sense. I'd misunderstood - I thought there was a lift back. So now I'm pissed off because I know that I'll probably end up going to get her. And she knows this!

I WANT TO FEEL OK ABOUT LETTING HER SORT HERSELF OUT, BUT I DON'T!!!!!!