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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not be a chauffeur to my teenager?

129 replies

fber · 18/02/2012 20:09

FFS. almost 17 year old off on another frickin 'birthday' and I'm expected to pick her up from wherever at 11pm. I said I'd take her (at 8pm) I never said I'd bring her back. I'm SURE she said she was getting a lift back. She must've done, because I would never have left it unclear.

I'm sick of being her fucking taxi. I've just put the two dcs to bed (2&4) and I'm looking forward to getting in my pjs.

I suppose most of the other parents haven't got small dcs, but hey that's my fault for remarrying. Whatever, I'm fucked off with the guilt trip at the knowledge that some parents go into the city centre at stupid fucking oclock to pick up their spoilt brattish fucking teenagers. Of which my dd is fast becoming.

I'm knackered, and I have a sore throat. My dh is too, he's worked all day.

I don't want to do it. AIBU?

OP posts:
sodapops · 19/02/2012 18:33

Either DH (usually) or I pick our DSes up if they go out. We chose to live here in the sticks, to a certain extent, so with that we know that we have to do our bit when the DSes want to go out.

DS2(15) has never caught a bus on his own. It has nothing to do with being overprotective, it is because it is not practical. The bus stop is over a mile away, the only bus that comes go in the opposite direction of where he wants to go. So, he'd have to catch a bus to go 5 miles, to wait an hour to catch another bus to go the 12miles in the other direction to the town he wants to go. It is so much easier to hop in the car and take him in to town.

valiumredhead · 19/02/2012 18:36

I hope I am picking ds up when he is 17, as I had already left home by then.

dandelionss · 19/02/2012 18:45

YABU- I don't see what the younger DC have to do with it- your DH is at home isn't he
The OPs DD is 16 she is not an adult.it's part of parenting to support a DCs social life.I am utterly shocked at posters who would allow their 16 yo Dc to catch a bus so late a t night or even be wandering round a town centre and waiting at a taxi rank by themselves.

valiumredhead · 19/02/2012 18:46

You are an adult at 16 Confused

dandelionss · 19/02/2012 18:49

No you are not an adult til 18!!!

bringbacksideburns · 19/02/2012 18:50

Dear god!! How on earth are some of your teenagers ever going to gain any independence? What if they go away to college - are you going to ferry them around constantly then too?

I don't really remember anyone giving us lifts back from anywhere at that age. The occasional lift to somewhere occasionally. She gets £20 a week - if she is travelling back later then she needs to get a taxi.

If i lived in the arse end of nowhere i suppose i would be prepared to give lifts more but not constantly.

To OP :Just say no.
If she is with friends they club together for a Cab. I'm sure a lot of the time she could cadge a lift, particularly if she mentions your very small children.

Teenagers today have a huge sense of entitlement and are spoilt rotten (grumbles like 70 year old man)

valiumredhead · 19/02/2012 18:51
bringbacksideburns · 19/02/2012 18:54

And you can get married at 16. By Law. God help us!

No one is advocating a girl wandering vulnerably around a town centre late at night on her own Hmm But she can organize herself and ask for a lift or get a cab.

I really don't know how i survived in the 1980's. You know - before mobile phones were invented!!

skylarsmammy · 19/02/2012 18:54

Right now I am of the opinion that I would pick my girls up from the ends of the earth at any time of night when they are teens. They are 3 and 4. I suspect that the reality will be that by the time they are teens and we can't stand the sight of each other I'll be 'incommunicado' every fri and sat night.
I HATED my dad picking me up when I was a teenager, total embarrassment.

GetOrfMoiiLand · 19/02/2012 18:56

Rather astonished at people getting so worked up about such a mild subject Hmm

sodapops · 19/02/2012 18:56

My teens aren't spoilt rotten and do not have a sense of entitlement.

We do live in the arse end of nowhere, their friends live in other villages around the area. There are no buses between the villages in the day, let alone the evening. The last bus home from the town is 5.30. I can not seriously expect them not to go out because public transport is so shit TBH.

bringbacksideburns · 19/02/2012 19:00

Well, then my post obviously wasn't aimed at you then sodapops.

seeker · 19/02/2012 19:08

We live in the wrse end of nowhere. It was our choice to live there not our children's. So we pick up or provide taxi money. It would be very unfair to say "well, we decided to move into the country- so tough , you have no social life"

And why on EARTH are people worried about taxis? Ver' ver' strange.

seeker · 19/02/2012 19:09

And 16 is not an adult. Anyone who thinks so either is 16 or doesn't have a 16 year old!

mumblechum1 · 19/02/2012 19:16

Same here, Seeker. We have a jar of tenners in the kitchen for ds tohelp himself to if he has to get a taxi but has run out of money. It doesn't usually happen because he manages his money ok, but I'd rather he got a taxi even if it's £40 or whatever than get a lift with someone who's been drinking.

GetOrfMoiiLand · 19/02/2012 19:18

I would love the OP to come back and explain her angst about child locks.

floramckitchen · 19/02/2012 19:22

My rule for my 17 yo dd is - if you cant get home under your own steam then don't go there in the first place. She walks to work and gets a train to college or to visit the bf. She pretty much arranges her own life and just gets on with it. We sometimes offer lifts if its convenient to us tho..

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 19/02/2012 19:29

OP you sound irrationally angry. Are you stressed about other things? Any chance you have PND?

It is really really unclear from your postings what you do want your DD to do. I think you need to think that through before talking to her because I feel she's probably as confused about what you want as I am.

Also, if her BF's Mum is happy to give them lifts, why not sort something out between you.

They are 16 - it's still quite young to be getting themselves home at night.

Loshad · 19/02/2012 19:47

It is irritating OP, and even more so when they don't make it quite clear to start with. I do think you have to suck it up and pick her up, but i can see why you are fed up.
We live in the back of beyond, and a taxi home from either of the nearest night spots Hmm is about £40-50 assuming you can find a taxi that will bring you out here - i know that can be really hard as have struggled myself!
I do get fed up being a chauffeur which is where i can sympathise, but it was our choice to live out here, off a bus route and 5 miles from a train station.
What i expect my older 2 to do is share the load, so sometimes i will pick up and either drop a loads of kids off enroute, or bring them back to ours to sleep, but then other weekends i expect them to kip at some pals or other. (so that i can drink relax). It has to be really exceptional circumstances for a post midnight pickup though Grin

tralalala · 19/02/2012 20:25

I wish people would stop going on about how much safer it was back in the day. It wasn't any worse or any better than it is now. We just wrap them up so much that they are totally useless at sorting themselves out.

With teenagers we leave money in the porch, that way they can't 'accidently' spend it and walk home/ring us up.

tralalala · 19/02/2012 20:26

the child lock angst is because if you try and get out of car when the taxi driver is trying it on you can't get out.

Theas18 · 19/02/2012 22:18

My 3 are all public transport competent (18/16/12) have passes and Roam freely at " reasonable" times of day - for instance the local train is fine evn for the 12yr old up unitil about 6.30 pm- after that I'd not want her to be alone as the bulk of the people leave the train empty for the last 5 mins or so and that's not safe enough for her to be alone. We let dd1 deal with that at 14plus.

Late night is different as the kids all got to schools where there friends were from many different areas of the city. Now eldest is at uni she travels with mates by bus/taxi/ walking safely at all hours because they are al returning to campus or even the same hall. No one is alone. That wouldn't be the case at home.

KalSkirata · 19/02/2012 22:21

'And 16 is not an adult. Anyone who thinks so either is 16 or doesn't have a 16 year old!'

Mine are 20, 18 and 16 and 16 is an adult. My 16 yo is 6 foot tall. Could leave home and get married if he wanted. Without my permission. Can choose to leave school. The only things he cant do is drink (ahem) and vote.

Yeahthatsnotgonnahappen · 19/02/2012 22:29

My mom always said to me that if ever there was a problem I was to call home and she or my dad would come get me. Most of the time I would get back on my own as didn't want them to know how hammered I was much I had to drink and smoked . I didn't make stupid choices because I wasn't worried about getting in trouble. I fully intend to do this for my ds. My parents certainly didn't mollycoddle me but it was good to have that backup whilst learning what my boundaries were

seeker · 19/02/2012 22:29

Wow- so your 16 year old takes full adult responsibility for his life, does he? Being 6 foot tall is irrelevant. My dd is 5'6 and 36/26/36 at a rough guess. Measurements don't make you an adult.