Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset with my lodger's attitude towards my son?

112 replies

threeleftfeet · 17/02/2012 09:36

My lodger has tweeted - for the second time - "I hate being woken up by the sound of screaming children. -__-"

Now while no one likes being woken up by screaming children, it's a bit unkind to actually tweet about it, isn't it? Particularly when the reason DS was screaming is he's been really unwell for a while now.

Also I'm reminded of Christmas, we gave her several presents, but she gave DS nothing for Christmas or his birthday (also at Xmas), not even a card.

I know she doesn't have a lot of money, but she spent weeks making a present for her BF, and involved us in the process. She's very creative and resourceful, a handmade card for DS would have taken her 10 minutes if she didn't want to buy one. (Although she's not so skint she couldn't afford a card! )

Isn't is a bit odd to live in a house with a 3 year old and not even acknowledge their birthday?

She's not from this country and we've made so much of an effort helping her find her feet here, for example I introduced her to some nice work mates of mine who are more her age (she's 10 years younger than us) and they hang out all the time now. She's also now seeing one of them and they're serious about each other, she's going to move to be closer to him this summer.

AIBU to be a bit put out? We made it very clear it was important to us live with someone who likes children, it looks like she doesn't really, does she?

OP posts:
schobe · 17/02/2012 09:39

I don't think she's particularly obliged to give you or your DC presents. And she can write what she likes on social media websites.

However, you are not obliged to have a lodger you don't feel that comfortable with. I wouldn't either I don't think. Perhaps time to go your separate ways.

TroublesomeEx · 17/02/2012 09:39

She doesn't like children.

She said what she needed to say to be offered the room because she needed somewhere to live.

I wouldn't want someone living with us who didn't like children either, tbh.

I don't necessarily think there was much wrong with the tweet. Although I don't really understand the -__- face. Is that more of a Hmm, Sad or a Angry?

That would make a difference to me! No one likes being woken up by a screaming child.

coraltoes · 17/02/2012 09:39

You're in this for the money surely, not the friendship? Either get rid of her if you think she isnt the kind of person you want at home...or put up with it for the cash. She doesn't have to love your son...she might be fine with kids but not like being woken by them. I feel quite the same and have my own dd!

Sounds like you have involved her too much in your lives. I'd stick to keeping lodgers out of my own personal life as much as possible. Business and pleasure and all that...

EightiesChick · 17/02/2012 09:40

Passive-aggressive to tweet about it (esp if she knows you follow her). I would ignore. She moved in knowing there was a child in the house!

On the other hand, you can't demand presents from her for your DS. The whole point of a present is that it's freely given, surely?

I think you have got excessively high hopes. A lodger doesn't have to like your kids, they just have to tolerate them and behave unacceptably towards them. If she'e moving on this summer, it's probably as well.

dubbada · 17/02/2012 09:40

yanbu

Give her notice find a more appropriate lodger, clearly she lied about being ok with kids, this is a slippery slope she is not being sincere, she is probably already looking for somewhere else, Given her tweet. I would give her the deadline and move on shes not family shes not a part of your life.

Kayano · 17/02/2012 09:40

I would probably tweet the same if woken by anything.

Dogs/ builders/ the phone...

Doesn't mean I dislike my phone/ dogs
Or builders....

Think you are overthinking it

Kayano · 17/02/2012 09:42

I also don't think the Christmas 'she should have done something for my son' is relevant at all tbh... No she shouldn't, she is just a lodger!

Original poster
threeleftfeet · 17/02/2012 09:43

No, where someone living in my house is concerned, it's not just business to me. We've had lots of lodgers (this is a student town and so they come and go) and it's worked best where we've lived communally, eaten together etc, and we've made some lovely, lasting friends this way. Of course I don't expect them to become our friends! But it's nice when they do.

However this is DS's home, and at the very least they need to like children.

"She said what she needed to say to be offered the room because she needed somewhere to live. "

I think you're right.

OP posts:
TheCrunchUnderfoot · 17/02/2012 09:44

Raise the rent by £5 per tweet.

Original poster
threeleftfeet · 17/02/2012 09:44

She's moving out anyway, to be closer to her BF (a friend of mine!)

Our social groups are linked, she hangs out with friends of mine, this isn't just a business relationship!

OP posts:
Original poster
threeleftfeet · 17/02/2012 09:45

"Raise the rent by £5 per tweet." I like your style Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
threeleftfeet · 17/02/2012 09:48

No I don't give to receive - DP and I didn't get any presents in return from her and I don't mind in the slightest.

However I think it's odd not to give at least a card to a child on their birthday - if you like children - isn't it? Leads me to believe she doesn't really.

We have two lodgers, and our other lodger gave DS some lovely things for Christmas. Not expensive, but lovely that she bothered. No she didn't have to, but it's a nice thing to do, isn't it?!

OP posts:
Original poster
threeleftfeet · 17/02/2012 09:49

The Christmas thing didn't really bother me too much at the time actually, it's just now these tweets reminded me of it.

OP posts:
JustHecate · 17/02/2012 09:49

She's your lodger and there's nothing wrong with her not wanting to be more than that. She doesn't have to buy you gifts, sit with you or have anything to do with you. If she just wants to rent a room and pay you the money and leave it at that, she's got that right.

There's also nothing wrong with you wanting to only have lodgers who want to be more than that, iyswim.

What you've got is mismatched expectations maybe.

Why not say "I saw your tweets - this is a family home and you knew that when you moved in. If you have decided it isn't right for you, perhaps you should move to somewhere without children."

ReallyTired · 17/02/2012 09:49

I think you have to realise that have a lodger is a business relationship. Does she behave reasonably towards your son? Ie. is she polite? She doesn't have to love your son. Even parents feel aggrieved when they are woken early by little people.

It maybe better if she doesn't develop a bond with your son. I lived with a family and saying good bye to the kids was awful. Small children get very attached and can be heart broken when the adult leaves. If you look at the posher parts of mumsnet where there are parents with heart broken 3 year olds because the nany/ au pair has left you will see what I mean.

DizzyCow63 · 17/02/2012 09:50

Immature I know but I'd be inclined to tweet something about one of her bad habits!

hackmum · 17/02/2012 09:54

Passive-aggressive tweeting/FBing is a whole new way of giving offence to people, isn't it? I honestly think people who do that are utterly pathetic. If you haven't got the guts to say something to somebody's' face, the least you can do is bitch about it behind their back:-)

Original poster
threeleftfeet · 17/02/2012 09:55

"I think you have to realise that have a lodger is a business relationship."

That might suit some people, but not us. I couldn't live with someone and see it just as a business relationship!

We're very easy going, some of our lodgers have eaten with us and involved us in their lives, others have kept to themselves and that's been fine too. But this is first and foremost a family home and it's very important they like DS.

We've had lots of people come and go, DS is used to it. I think it's good for him to have lots of people around. I like it that our home if busy and full of life.

OP posts:
EdnaClouds · 17/02/2012 09:56

I hate being woken by a screaming child too. Fortunately I can usually persuade Dh to go and see to her.

Dustinthewind · 17/02/2012 09:57

I like children. But I dislike being woken up by screaming ones, my own or others.
It seems a pretty ordinary little grumble to me,

Original poster
threeleftfeet · 17/02/2012 09:57

"I like it that our home if busy and full of life."

Oops, that might sound like I'm trying to imply that homes without lodgers aren't! I hope not as that's not what I was trying to say at all!

Just that I think it suits us, and I know what you mean about children getting attached, but so far it seems to be working for us.

OP posts:
Original poster
threeleftfeet · 17/02/2012 10:01

Perhaps the problem is that we have blurred the lines between lodger and friend (as she hangs out with people I introduced her too) and tbh I'm a bit disappointed that's how she feels.

No way will that make me change the way I treat future lodgers though - or her in fact. I just wanted to get it off my chest really as I was a little hurt to see DS being bitched about on social media.

I reckon it's probably down to immaturity on her part.

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 17/02/2012 10:06

-__- face is sort of tired/fed up rather than any of those.

I think it's a bit of a non issue. I doubt she expected you to even see it.

BertieBotts · 17/02/2012 10:07

I don't think it's bitching, either. I hate being woken up by the sound of a screaming child, and he's mine and I love him! It's one of the worst ways to wake up IMO.

desperatenotstupid · 17/02/2012 10:07

Get rid of her, i couldn't have a lodger in my house with children anyway - why would you do that unless you really need the money