Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

to be upset with my lodger's attitude towards my son?

112 replies

threeleftfeet · 17/02/2012 09:36

My lodger has tweeted - for the second time - "I hate being woken up by the sound of screaming children. -__-"

Now while no one likes being woken up by screaming children, it's a bit unkind to actually tweet about it, isn't it? Particularly when the reason DS was screaming is he's been really unwell for a while now.

Also I'm reminded of Christmas, we gave her several presents, but she gave DS nothing for Christmas or his birthday (also at Xmas), not even a card.

I know she doesn't have a lot of money, but she spent weeks making a present for her BF, and involved us in the process. She's very creative and resourceful, a handmade card for DS would have taken her 10 minutes if she didn't want to buy one. (Although she's not so skint she couldn't afford a card! )

Isn't is a bit odd to live in a house with a 3 year old and not even acknowledge their birthday?

She's not from this country and we've made so much of an effort helping her find her feet here, for example I introduced her to some nice work mates of mine who are more her age (she's 10 years younger than us) and they hang out all the time now. She's also now seeing one of them and they're serious about each other, she's going to move to be closer to him this summer.

AIBU to be a bit put out? We made it very clear it was important to us live with someone who likes children, it looks like she doesn't really, does she?

OP posts:

Animation · 17/02/2012 10:07

OP - you sound like nice welcoming and friendly people. Your lodger does sound a bit of an odd bod to me - receiving your gifts but not giving any back. Probably either mean spirited or lacking social skills I think.

HellonHeels · 17/02/2012 10:10

Why not just stop following her on twitter?

Animation · 17/02/2012 10:12

HellonHeels. I don't think human nature works like that. I would find it hard NOT to look now.

TheCrunchUnderfoot · 17/02/2012 10:12

I think it's bitchy, if she knew you'd see it.

Why say it? Nobody likes being woken up be screaming children, presumably she could guess that you don't either, but passive-aggressive updates - URGH!

She sounds a twat, and immature, and that would annoy me.

'Why not say "I saw your tweets - this is a family home and you knew that when you moved in. If you have decided it isn't right for you, perhaps you should move to somewhere without children."'

Exactly! 'As Hecate said' - as they say so often on Mumsnet

Original poster

threeleftfeet · 17/02/2012 10:12

"Get rid of her, i couldn't have a lodger in my house with children anyway - why would you do that unless you really need the money"

I know it doesn't suit everyone, but DP and I (and DS for that matter) are very social people. Both DP and I have always flat-shared and rented rooms, we enjoy communal living and having lots of people around.

I know it's not for everyone but it suits us. And I think DS gets a lot out of it.

OP posts:

lesley33 · 17/02/2012 10:13

Sorry just to say she might like children, but not your dc. I like children, doesn't mean though that I actually like every child I meet. They are individuals with their own personality. So if you asked me if I liked children I would say yes. But once I got to know him better I might not like your dc - sorry.

Bucharest · 17/02/2012 10:13

She isn't being unreasonable- she is paying money to you for her accomodation. That is more or less where her obligation to you starts and finishes.

You are not being unreasonable either- if what you want is more of an extra member of the family. You just need to perhaps be a bit clearer in future.

(FWIW I ran like the blazes when looking at a room many years ago to be told by the landlady about all the lovely things we would do together when I wasn't at work....er, no, I shall be consuming noxious substances and having rampant sex with undesirables, not helping you with your church fete and playing with your kids)

troisgarcons · 17/02/2012 10:14

I never get the whole my life is ruined because I didn't get a valentines/christmas/birthday/mothers day/hannuka/eid//diwali/easter/NY/any other random event card. And neither do I think it odd!

Original poster

threeleftfeet · 17/02/2012 10:14

".er, no, I shall be consuming noxious substances and having rampant sex with undesirables, not helping you with your church fete and playing with your kids"

OP posts:

BertieBotts · 17/02/2012 10:14

Does he actually wake up screaming every morning BTW? I would find that quite odd in a 3 year old. Presumably he can walk and talk?

Original poster

threeleftfeet · 17/02/2012 10:16

No, he was really grumpy because he'd been up half the night coughing.

(Which she wouldn't have heard, the screaming was in the corridor while DP carried him to the front room).

OP posts:

Original poster

threeleftfeet · 17/02/2012 10:17

"Presumably he can walk and talk?" sorry I don't understand - what's the relevance of that?

OP posts:

BertieBotts · 17/02/2012 10:17

Ah okay, fair enough. So it's not like it's a regular occurance, then.

BertieBotts · 17/02/2012 10:18

I just meant, when DS wakes up, he comes into our room and starts climbing into bed and poking us jabbering away. Which is slightly less jarring than being woken by a crying baby in another room who can't get out of their cot.

Original poster

threeleftfeet · 17/02/2012 10:19

Well not very regular! But certainly not the first time though I must admit.

OP posts:

Floggingmolly · 17/02/2012 10:20

You say you couldn't live with someone who just sees it as a business arrangement, but fail to see that a lodger is exactly that. If she could afford her own place she wouldn't be renting a room in your house, surely? Because that is all she is doing, like it or not. She has not 'bought in' to your family in any way, she rents a room in your house while she saves for her own place. Maybe you need to look for new friends in a more conventional way, maybe?

Original poster

threeleftfeet · 17/02/2012 10:20

Oh I see! Sorry I was being a bit dense!

He's usually in the room with us by that time in the morning.

He has certainly learnt the way to our room.

OP posts:

Birdsgottafly · 17/02/2012 10:21

It sounds as though you both may want different things,you want communial living, she wants a cheap room to live in.

You have blurred the bounderies in your head. Her making a card for her bf is what is usual, getting your landlords child a present isn't and is a matter of choice.

What you really want should be made clear when advertising the room next time. You describe her a s a lodger,but that isn't really want you wanted, you wanted more than a business arrangement.

She is entitled to tweet what she wants, except for really personal stuff, that is quite controling of you, tbh.

Original poster

threeleftfeet · 17/02/2012 10:21

We mostly rent to students. They're here to study at the local uni.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 17/02/2012 10:24

I don't understand why you think she doesn't like children just because she doesn't like being woken by their screaming?

Also, she might have been embarrassed that she couldn't afford a present for your child and that's why she chose to ignore the birthday.

I don't know many 3yr olds who would jump up and down at the sight of a card, it's normally presents they tend to enjoy.

QuintessentialyHollow · 17/02/2012 10:24

"Our social groups are linked, she hangs out with friends of mine, this isn't just a business relationship!" Because you have made it so.

Maybe you are not really cut out for having lodgers?

You cant on the one hand get a lodger, go to great lengths to include her in your social life and family life, follow her on social media and then complain if she does not seem to be too happy with things? Maybe she just wanted to be a lodger? Not a family pet?

Birdsgottafly · 17/02/2012 10:24

Just to add it is quite selfesh of you to want her to form an attachment to your DS if the arrangement was always going to be short term, she or he doesn't need the added stress of what the loss of that relationship will cause, when she leaves.

TheCrunchUnderfoot · 17/02/2012 10:24

Of course you could go completely the other way and act all concerned - goodness you never realised that she had such a problem with DS, hmm, simply can't have you staying here another minute with all this terrible noise, awful for you, why did you not say, right, look I've found a lovely room in a student house for you right here on GrimMugger's Alley, yes I know it's not very big but we've decided we'll pay the first week's rent for you so you can move in tonight!! Here's the number of Dodgy Ken, that's the landlord, right, let's help pack up your room shall we?

rookiemater · 17/02/2012 10:28

What age is she ( apologies if this is mentioned above I have read the thread honestly)? She sounds immature. I would have a chat with her and say you read the tweet and feel she might be happier elsewhere, best outcome for both of you if she leaves because its not the right set up for her and you can get a more suitable lodger.

ENormaSnob · 17/02/2012 10:28

"don't you just hate it when the lodger logs the toilet"

would be my tweet for the morning.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5