To feel this vegetarian family were rude re:party bags

[lecce]

Went to a 6yr old's birthday party today. For the food ds and I sat with a family we know vaguely from school/park. They are strict vegetarians and the host of the party is also vegetarian. The family I sat with know the host family a little through dc and have been on a couple of playdates.

When the party bags were distributed, the veg woman sitting with me looked in and saw that there were a few unwrapped jelly sweets in it. She said to her dd, "Go and ask party host if these are veggie." DD came back and said no but host had given her 3 chocolate coins instead. They also have a younger ds. A look of real anger flashed across veggie woman's face - I was actually shocked as she looked really livid. She snapped at her dh, "Quick, go and get some more of those coins for ds as he has those sweets in his bag too!" Her dh scuttled off and came back with more coins.

AIBU to think she was being rather grasping and, especially since the party bag was generous anyway, she could have removed the sweets herself and offered her dc something else herself if needed. Of course, she didn't ask for the first set of coins but I couldn't believe it when she sent dh off to demand more. Couldn't the dc have shared the first lot?

I then started thinking about how reasonable it is to be that strict about your dc being veggie. Of course it is fine to not buy those sweets yourself for them but are they really likely to get through childhood with a stray haribo never crossing their lips, and does that really matter? Of course you don't want them getting a liking for sausages and asking for them at home but sweets? Is it fair on the dc to expect them to refuse any sweet their friends may offer them? Won't it result in lying or resentment or both?

She was very rude.

I would guess she was so angry because the host was veggie and so felt she should have not given non-veggie sweets.

So vegetarian host was supplying non-veg sweets?

Yes, she was rude. She should have just taken them out herself at home, it's pretty usual to get things like Haribo in party bags.

I think she was angry about that but the host is not actually that strict. They don't know each other that well so why assume that the host is as strict as she is? Not all vegetarians are that strict.

Don't see why children can't get used to not having certain sweets. All the muslim kids round here are v good at knowing what sweets are not allowed. Also v polite about saying no thanks. Can't see that they are suffering in any way. Usually there is an alternative which they can take instead

Don't see why children can't get used to not having certain sweets. All the muslim kids round here are v good at knowing what sweets are not allowed. Also v polite about saying no thanks. Can't see that they are suffering in any way. Usually there is an alternative which they can take instead

What's the biscuit for? .

Some vegetarians are stricter than others, random. They were lucky to be given the chocolate coins as an alternative.

She was rude and she should have politely declined or simply removed the sweets herself.

Surely you're not suggesting that she should just let them have the odd haribo and it doesn't really matter, though? How do you know that she expects her children to refuse all sweets - maybe she's just teaching them what they can and can't eat.

There are certain things that I never allow DS to have - blue slush puppies, for example. Is that unfair as well?

the world revolves round us vegetarians doncha know?

I don't impose my eating regime on my DCs so I don't mind if they have jelly sweets.

But she could've just said to her DCs -ask if any other children will swap with you?

A quick question for any vegetarians reading this thread, would you be okay with eating meat flavour crisps even if they had no actual animal product in them? When I was a student I shared a flat with a vegetarian girl amongst others and she used to go mental if anyone borrowed one of her pots to cook meat but was quite happy to help herself from the cupboard to my roast chicken crisps, though they did say suitable for vegetarians on the label but somehow just seemed a bit at odds with her belief that meat is murder.

dearprudence very unfair re Blue Slushies.
My DC like to pretend to be Chows (blue tongued dogs) after a Blue Slush.
Essential part of childhood that is!

Rather difficult to share 3 chocolate coins between 2 children! Having said that, I agree, the strict vegetarian mother was being a bit OTT in her reaction, she sounds like one of those humourless people who've permanently got the moral high ground and want to remind everyone else about it all the time.

She was rude. My children aren't allowed hard sweets (e.g cubba chups l

I don't know, dearprudence, that's really what I'm wondering. There are loads of things I never let my dc have (including slush puppies) but I was more thinking about when they get older. Will/should you, and I, expect them to keep to our standards at all times? Where do we draw the line? And, as far as vegetarianism is concerned, can people really assume that their dc will remain veggies throughout their lives? I wasn't suggesting she should have let them have those sweets but it just got me thinking about the sweets they will be offered when she is not there.

Whoops!

My children aren't allowed hard sweets eg chubba chups lollies. They understand that they aren't allowed those and happily hand them over when they get them in party bags. Quite rude to make a fuss about it!

Meat flavoured crisps are still vegetarian though. They don't actually taste like the meat and she may like the taste of meat anyway, just not the deadness of it

ABigGirlDoneItAndRanAway- I don't eat 'flavour' crisps even if they are vegetrian. But I don't eat jelly that is vegetarian friendly (seems weird).

I've got cooking utensils that I'll use to cook meat/chicken for family and friends.It goes in the dishwasher anyway.
Just my Cooks Essential Skillet Pan is non-meat (won't fit in dishwasher and a nightmare to clean)

Veg woman was rude.

It is easy to share 3 sweets between 2 children - 1 each and 1 for mummy!

Op my dcs are vegetarians and know which sweets are and are not vegetarian. They then make the decision for themselves.

The lady in question was incredibly rude. I wouldn't encourage my dcs to eat the sweets but I would never have said a word to the host. Everyone is entitled to their own level of vegetarianism (is that a word?) If your diet restricts your choices it is your responsibility, not a party hosts.

And I don't like meat in my pans and on my utensils either. I will tolerate it when absolutely required but will have issues about the washing up for a while afterwards.