To feel this vegetarian family were rude re:party bags

[lecce]

Went to a 6yr old's birthday party today. For the food ds and I sat with a family we know vaguely from school/park. They are strict vegetarians and the host of the party is also vegetarian. The family I sat with know the host family a little through dc and have been on a couple of playdates.

When the party bags were distributed, the veg woman sitting with me looked in and saw that there were a few unwrapped jelly sweets in it. She said to her dd, "Go and ask party host if these are veggie." DD came back and said no but host had given her 3 chocolate coins instead. They also have a younger ds. A look of real anger flashed across veggie woman's face - I was actually shocked as she looked really livid. She snapped at her dh, "Quick, go and get some more of those coins for ds as he has those sweets in his bag too!" Her dh scuttled off and came back with more coins.

AIBU to think she was being rather grasping and, especially since the party bag was generous anyway, she could have removed the sweets herself and offered her dc something else herself if needed. Of course, she didn't ask for the first set of coins but I couldn't believe it when she sent dh off to demand more. Couldn't the dc have shared the first lot?

I then started thinking about how reasonable it is to be that strict about your dc being veggie. Of course it is fine to not buy those sweets yourself for them but are they really likely to get through childhood with a stray haribo never crossing their lips, and does that really matter? Of course you don't want them getting a liking for sausages and asking for them at home but sweets? Is it fair on the dc to expect them to refuse any sweet their friends may offer them? Won't it result in lying or resentment or both?

I don't think we can expect children to adhere to our food rules for ever, but while they're children we have to make our own choices about what's acceptable. For the rude haribo-hating lady, she's teaching her children to be vegetarian and ungrateful.

Although if my DS reaches the age of 21 and buys himself a blue slush I will disinherit him immediately.

I agree just being rude. Sweets are easily binned we all just want the toys anyway :)

It's on a par with opening a present and going "ugh". Rude - YANBU. She should have accepted the party bags gracefully with a smile and a thank you and have dealt with it outside by explaining to her children that sometimes you are given things you don't like, or want, or need or approve of but there is no need to behave rudely or ungratefully or to potentially hurt the feelings of the giver.

The lady was very rude to damand chocolate, veggie or meat eater, manners cost nothing and its an ungreatful example to show your DC's. I'm a PITA vegan and am wondering do I do veggie or vegan with my DC's (ttc at present) I have a DSD, she is a meat eater but only has veggie or vegan food when she stays at our house, the thought of a dead animal in my fridge makes me feel sick. But she is 3yr old and only wants chocolate cake any way! Any other vegan mums on here?

Tick I think there are loads of vegan mums on here. The best way to find them is to start a controversial thread about veganism and all us veggies and vegans appear

I'm a veggie Mum and my 2 children are also veggie (husband isn't). I think in the case of the party incident it is just the woman is a rude woman, not because she is veggie. Maybe she was just cross that she thought everything would be suitable for vegetarians and it wasn't. Still no reason to be rude or make the hosts uncomfortable. A kiddies party isn't really the time or place to make an issue out of it.

The woman was rude to demand an alternative but completely reasonable to bring her children up according to her own moral/health beliefs. We all "impose our views2 on our DC in one way or another, be that with a religion or athiesm, a politically motivated decision to send a child to a state school because the parents disagree with the independent sector or diet and it isn't anyone else's place to question that unless the child's wellbeing is genuinely at risk.

i am vegeatrian but my oh and children eat meat and i cook meat for them it is not my right to say what my family can and cannot eat my 12 year old isnt that keen on meat because he doesnt like how it feels and also loves anials and said it is not right to eat them so he may become veg but when they were younger i gave them meat as part of there diet because when they are old enough they will decide what they want to do veggie parents should not stop there children from having meat and then deciding as they get older weather they want to change to veggie or not

Ha ha Carrot I am sure the meat/veggie/vegan debate could be messy. I would want to bring them up as I believe but would understand if they wanted to try meat, maybe while eating out though, I don't know how some of you veggies manage to cook meat. You are braver people than I!

Piddle, Charleneanna. I disagree entirely. The parent is an adult who makes, hopefully the best considered choices for the child. For some that includes diet, whether that's not eating meat, only eating chicken and fish or not eating sweets or drinking pop and for some (though of course not all veggies and vegans) those choices are moral ones. Do parents not have the right to make moral choices for their young children and to bring them up to behave in the way which they feel is morally correct?

dearprudence why just blue slush?

Is it the colouring, like blue Smarties used to have the reputation of making children hyperactive.

Or is it made of liquidised Smurfs?

I started a post but marriedinwhite already wrote it better than I had. So, I agree entirely with miw. :)

The vegetarian/vegan/lacto-ovo debate is a messy one.
I've been vegetarian for 31 years but I always feel there are other people who are better than me.(Vegan or more involved. I just get on with it.) It's not something I go round shouting about IRL, it's just part of me.
I suppose you have to decide for yourself.
And I extend that to my DCs deciding for themselves.

Agree woman was rude - whether she was veggie or not is irrelevant.

BTW I hate the term "vegetarian" myself. I prefer not to eat meat and when people realise that, (when I ask for a non-meat option in a restaurant for example), they often ask/ assume that I am a "vegetarian" which apparently means that I am neccessarily: left wing, feminist, lesbian, sandal-wearing, kill-joy, lentil-loving, allotment-owning, craft-making, animal-loving fanatic and I am quizzed on all of these!!

To be fair this happens less nowadays than it used to but while I may or may not be all or any of these things I find it is a term which while useful as shorthand if you have to tick a box on a "special-meal" request, does not really mean very much.

PS I love jelly sweets - especially the black ones!
PPS - Is there an "ism" for someone who hates brussels sprouts?

Blue slush....drool...massive pregnancy craving for that with ds1.

I don't eat meat. But I do eat Haribo.

Sometimes I think you need to let stuff go. My niece was not allowed chocolate as a child as it made her hyperactive, but at parties and suchlike it was awful to watch her watching everyone else - so we gave in and let her have little bits in moderation.

I would say she was rude. I am veggie and don't eat those sorts of sweets but wouldn't have kicked off about it.

I must say that I have discovered some really yummy vegetarian jelly sweets though, made by Goody Good stuff. They're brilliant. As and when DD is old enough for parties, those'll be going in.

( I tend to err on the side of caution and will cater for the most restricted diet whatever I am doing; in a couple of weeks it's MIL's birthday and I'm making the cake. As several people coming to her party are either gluten-free, vegan or veggie, I am making a vegan gluten-free cake. That way everyone can have some.)

The other side to the coin, 70, is that whether you choose to raise your DC as vegetarians, vegans, meat-eaters or anything inbetween you are still deciding for them. You have made a conscious decision to feed your DC meat. The vegetarian makes a decision not to.

I agree 70. Mine are now free to choose as they now understand the debate. I couldn't have fed a baby something I thought was morally wrong though. We all make choices for our children and to eat meat and feed your children meat is as much a choice and to be vegetarian or vegan.

I don't think you really like this vegetarian family you vaguely know from school/the park. Your reaction seems rather extreme.

Busyoldfool you can be veggie and be chic although most non leather shoes are ugly. I get sick of the question, but what do you eat? Eeeerrr vegatables.

I used to have rules about certain sweets for my children, and I'm vegetarian.
She should have brought alternatives with her and swapped them, no need to make a fuss and palaver.
I keep approved sweets in my class cupboard for the nut intolerant and Muslim/Hindu children in my class so they don't get left out at birthday sweets time.

Actually 70 I don't know why I mention blue slush specifically. I don't let him have any colour slush. But the blue always looks so disgusting.

Sorry to trigger a slush craving GetDownNesbitt. It used to be Ribena Ice Lollies with me!

When DC are out at a friends house or a party (sometimes Maccy D) they will see other children eating meat /chicken/fish

I ate a meat based soup by accident at a Christmas Dinner (after asking waitress if it was okay and being told yes) It didn't make me crave meat like a rabid dog, like some people say to me "Oh I bet you'd love a steak"> If I wanted a steak I'd fecking have one. I choose not to. I did have a horrendous bellyache.

We don't cook red meat at home. (Unless it's for my parents) but my DS isn't an eater of meat to any great degree. DD eats whatever sits still long enough, except tuna.

It's a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation. If my DCs were raised vegetarian I'm sure someone would tell me I was wrong. But by letting them decide, my DS is a minimal meat eater, my DD might have been an unhappy vegetarian, and gone on a burger binge.

(My hero is the vegan,celibate , strangely weird and completely opinionated Morrisy. But I wouldn't want to copy his lifestyle too closely)

Who flipping cares.

Marks and Spencer do some nice NonDeadThing shoes BTW