Does any one actually know kids like this?

[westcoastnortherner]

Yes, Yes I know it's a Daily Mail article, but are there really that many kids like this out there?!

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2101292/They-wear-nappies-drink-cola--dont-know-open-book-One-teachers-terrifying-insight-5-year-olds-failed-parents.html#comments

huntycat - Of course diagnostic criteria are used to diagnose various sn. But the range of children encompassed by various diagnostic categories of sn has increased. Both because of the creation of new categories of sn like odd and because of the widening of the diagnostic criteria such as in autistic spectrum disorder. So children today are diagnosed with sn that wouldn't have been diagnosed 40 years ago.

Your interpretation of that may be that sn used to be under diagnosed. Mine is that some behaviour is being over medicalised. Both are equallly valid interpretations of the facts.

But I know that to get support for dcs you do need a diagnosis so I totally understand parents welcoming a diagnosis - not because they want their dc to have an sn, but because they want their dc to get the suipport they need.

Hope nobody thought in my previous post that I was implying parenting actually causes ASD - I would never think that. I remember learning about the 'cold parenting' theory when studying autism at college - just awful and so damaging. :( I only meant that in my case, I have some traits that are similar to some symptoms of ASDs, and that for me it was most likely learnt behaviour due to my parents, rather than because of having ASD, IYSWIM.

Having said that, for all I know maybe I do have an ASD and I would be how I am no matter what my parents had done. Apart from a hearing test (which was fine so they just decided I was ignoring them and left me to it) they never seemed to think "how can we help DD to be happy".

I don't think there's any way of knowing for sure, as my problem behaviours aren't enough for anyone else to really notice, because I've learnt to hide what I can. It's all turned inwards, which is probably a big factor in me being depressed since 8 or so.

My parents weren't horrible people, but their laissez-faire approach has had a big impact on me, whether the cause of my problems was originally genetics or not.

You are riught that poor parenting does not cause ASD. But it is also true that neglectful parents can cause a child to have behaviour/traits which may look on the surface like ASD.

Dr Tony Humphries is creating quite a stir in Ireland, it would appear that he is asserting that poor parenting contributes (or causes) Autism. I haven't read his article, and it appears that he has been unavailable for comment ever since it came out . He is a clinical psychologist, apparently double

Am fuming...

I think that for an environment to cause autistic like behaviour in an NT it has to be very extreme. Ie. Children who were in Romanian orphages for several years have often be seriously damaged and are similar to children with autism. I believe that the extreme neglect stopped the brain developing in these children

Meningitis can cause extreme brain damage that can mimic autism.

There is a world of difference between having autism and having a different condition that mimics autism.

Humphreys hasn't gone down well. He has also made some really dubious pronouncements on asthma. Something about it being an expression of unmet needs or part of the family dynamic.

'Some statements might pass for controversial if they weren?t just nonsensical: ?Emotional distress usually precedes physical distress. However, some people appear to need the presence of physical disease as a passport to revealing their inner and outer disharmony? For example, asthma may represent the constrictions of the expression of thoughts and feelings, and the belief that, even if expressed, they will not be accepted.?' Quoted here on asthma.

The Examiner removed the article, but there has been lots of commentary. Here is one example lizditz.typepad.com/i_speak_of_dreams/2012/02/why-what-a-gormless-irish-self-help-guru-wrote-about-autism-matters-.html

I am feeling abit unsure of myself as a parent now

dd2 has just had a filling and She wasn't toilet trained properly until she was 3.4, not for the want of trying either. We tried everything but she freaked out at the sight of a potty so I left it in the end for a few months and tried again when she was 3.1.

Her nursery teacher was very judgy of me (and still is, she is also reception teacher)

DD1 and ds have perfect teeth. and both were trained at 2.5 years even ds who is adhd/possiblyasd

But they have all been read to, have tons of books and toys, toothbrushes, have clean clothes, we are not smelly, they are warm and fed.

We interact as a family, ds and I star watch outside regularly and dd's and I read together a lot and mess about, go for walks etc

We are chaotic sometimes but thats life.

We also live on a council estate

I do know children though who are like the children in the op, 2 members of my families children (not mine, can't say much more)

They are not neglected but they are not priority if you know what I mean,

sheep - Your dcs sound fine. The stuff about toilet training is about parents who don't bother to toilet train or leave until their dcs are pretty old. You sound a good mum.

sheepgomeep, you sound a fab mum.

A child being toilet trained at 3.4 is quite respectable. I agree the stuff about toilet training is parents who make zero effort and don't care that their NT reception child has no clue what a toilet is for.

I read somewhere today that these days because nappies are so super efficient at wicking away all the wet from children's skin they now find it difficult to realise when they have been to the toilet.
When my eldest daughter was younger (she was toilet trained at 2) the health visitor told me that putting her in pull ups was the worst thing to do because she would never realise that she had wee'd, if they have normal knickers on they know that they have wet themselves and it's cold and horrible etc so they don't want to do it again. I agreed with this advice and never put her in pull ups only knickers from when she was about 2. She was potty trained without any problems at all and I waited until she was good and ready too. I lived next door to a girl that was a nanny and she told me to wait until she was actually 2 to potty train her, no earlier.

I have a 10 month old girl now too, and I expect everything I've just written will come back and bite me in the bum big time now lol!!
I'll be back on here in 3 years time asking for advice lol ;)

Gallifrey, I was told similar by my hv with my 1st. Toddler just wandered around with wet (saturated) underwear and didn't care at all. I had to put nappies back on him for hygiene/ health sake.

So, doesn't seem to work for them all.

Juule that's very true, like I say I have a 10 month old now and she will probably be very different to my older girl

In answer to the OP, no I haven't personally met many children with all of those traits, and certainly the late toilet trainers I know have SN.
But I was shocked that a 4 year old girl in dd's class had to have 4 fillings. Even though I'm reading here there may be other causes for weak teeth (I'd never heard of this before), I think the truth is this child has too many sweets. I'm afraid I've seen evidence of this. Her (middle class, educated) parents feed her an appalling diet, loads of biscuits/sugar and she eats no vegetables at all. The only fruit she has is mushed up baby style pureed fruit pots. So I reserve my right to be horrified by this. I probably have had a sheltered life but it shocked me.

My DS is NT but didn't toilet train until he was 3.9. But then he did it in less than a week because he was ready. He'd been in cloth nappies, which don't wick the moisture away - he'd been trained for poos for ages before, but hadn't got the hang of when he needed to wee, just didn't seem to notice the urge until it was too late. Some people might think that was lazy parenting - and tbh, to some extent it was in that I didn't want to be cleaning up wee all the time - but choosing to wait until he was ready for it has made it a very smooth process for us.