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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to take a shit on my boss's desk before my maternity leave starts?

80 replies

takingiteasy · 14/02/2012 20:53

He's a fucking useless twat. I'm meant to be there as admin support for him although he keeps all the paperwork I need to admin in his fucking man bag.

I'm the first person he's line managed and I'm not difficult (honest) but he's so infuriatingly crap it's so annoying.

He's never managed anyone, so me being pregnant is a whole new thing. You would think he would take his time to actually read the relevent policy. I was off for 2 days. He told me 'to be careful becuase he's sure they can take that off my maternity leave'. ORLY? TWAT. I corrected him, if I was signed off in the 4 weeks before my leave they might start my leave early but that's not going to happen as I have 6 weeks annual leave to take before my leave starts. That's just one example of him making things up as he goes along.

It's just me and him in this tiny office. The way he types fucking annoys me. He ate an apple today - BLEUGH! He sounded like a fucking pig.

So it's a toss up between stabbing him and taking a shit on his desk...

4 days to go... breath....

(PS just in case anyone gets hysterical, I won't actually stab him, or take a shit on his desk, just get great pleasure from imagining it.)

OP posts:
peggotty · 14/02/2012 20:56

Are you going to go back after ML?

A big steaming keech on his desk on your last day might be a bit of a giveaway....

PoohBearsHole · 14/02/2012 20:57
Grin
Original poster
takingiteasy · 14/02/2012 20:58

I am planning on going back, if I wasn't I wouldn't be thinking twice mwhahahaha

OP posts:
InTheSunshine · 14/02/2012 20:58

Please do a shit on his desk. Please. Or in his desk drawer. You could put it in one of those bags for dog pooh.

madonnawhore · 14/02/2012 20:58

I dare you to do it. Take pics and post them.

Original poster
takingiteasy · 14/02/2012 20:59

Don't dare me!

OP posts:
flyingspaghettimonster · 14/02/2012 20:59

People who eat noisily deserve the death penalty. Yanbu.

BumbleBee2011 · 14/02/2012 21:01

That typing thing is funny, I had a colleague who used to sound like they were assaulting the keyboard! Not just me then....

Maybe do it in his man bag, serves him right for having one!

hideschocolateinthesofa · 14/02/2012 21:01

Do a poop and hide it in his office somewhere, somewhere really obscure so he can't find it and the smell will drive him mad. Equally if you can't provide a suitable poop anything that will go mouldy (sandwich, old fish) would do nicely. Behind the radiator!

Mumof1plustwins · 14/02/2012 21:02
Grin

water towers!

Original poster
takingiteasy · 14/02/2012 21:02

I'm on one now!

We have this brand new amazingly complicated recording system and it's been agreed time and time again that I'm to add new enquries etc onto it. I came in to do one today, got half way through before realising it was already half done in another part of the system wrongly. He spent 20 minutes going 'hmmm don't know how that's happened' even though his fucking name was against it (system logs who does what and when). He hates the system but hates anyone else having a handle on his work even more so bashes about it even though he's had no training.

ARGH >_

OP posts:
Original poster
takingiteasy · 14/02/2012 21:04

Oh honestly it's like he's poking the fucking keyboard to death with his fat fucking fingers.

It just makes me type louder and faster and putting caps lock on a lot (for some reason it makes a beep every time) so I do that, a lot.

OP posts:
ThePathanKhansWitch · 14/02/2012 21:05

Don't, they DNA it and then it's big trouble. (I know from experience).

Original poster
takingiteasy · 14/02/2012 21:06

Dog crap then?

OP posts:
NoOnesGoingToEatYourEyes · 14/02/2012 21:07

OP on the strength of this thread title alone I am going to find the other thread about which Mumsnetter you lust after and say mine is you.

They can't sack you for anything pregnancy related (I think), so perhaps take the shit and say you were unable to reach the toilet in time because of your pregnancy.

If it helps, an un-repealled law says that a pregnant woman cannot be refused the right to relieve herself wherever she so wishes, even if she requests a policeman's helmet.

whoartnow.hubpages.com/hub/101-Strangest-Laws-From-Around-The-World

So the law is on your side OP Grin

ThePathanKhansWitch · 14/02/2012 21:09

Yes, what you need to do is, place the dog crap in a paper bag, place it by the drivers side of his car, just before he leaves for car park, set the bag on fire.

He'll have lovely smelling shoes by the time he puts the bag o shite out. Grin

Original poster
takingiteasy · 14/02/2012 21:13

We moved into a new office with a steep slope into it, I asked about the gritting in the winter. He said it was a priority for the council and it would always be done. He made me feel like a twat for being worried about falling.

We had a meeting with the manager of the building who said 'it's a nightmare here they always forget about us'. So it was agreed with the manager above him that if I didn't feel safe I was to just turn around and work from the main office.

2 days later he fell on wet leaves outside.

I didn't laugh, at all.

OP posts:
BumbleBee2011 · 14/02/2012 21:15

I thought I'd heard that thing about the policeman's helmet! DH thought I'd made that one up...

BumbleBee2011 · 14/02/2012 21:16

Grin at him falling

hideschocolateinthesofa · 14/02/2012 21:25

Mwhaha what a knob!

flibbertywidget · 14/02/2012 21:31

sew prawns into the bottom of the curtains...

ivykaty44 · 14/02/2012 21:34

set his auto correct so every time he type his surname - it auto corrects to shit Grin

Don't really do it as you would lose your job but smurk when you see him and imagine him typing his name and shit appearing on the screen Wink

AbbyAbsinthe · 14/02/2012 21:38

I fucking LOVE this thread Grin

My boss is also a cunt. I dream about punching her right in the eye.

FaithHopeAndKevin · 14/02/2012 21:42

If you can get onto his desk at 9 months pregnant ...

DaydreamDolly · 14/02/2012 21:45

I also love this thread Grin

My lovely ex colleague has a problem boss. She emailed me today to let me know that she went down to the post room today and there was an Amazon delivery for her boss. She put it on the floor, and jumped on it. More than once. It gave a satisfying rattle when she picked it up and took it up to her boss' desk. Who, incidentally didn't even say thank you as she gave it to her. She was very proud of herself. And I of her Smile