To want to take a shit on my boss's desk before my maternity leave starts?

[takingiteasy]

He's a fucking useless twat. I'm meant to be there as admin support for him although he keeps all the paperwork I need to admin in his fucking man bag.

I'm the first person he's line managed and I'm not difficult (honest) but he's so infuriatingly crap it's so annoying.

He's never managed anyone, so me being pregnant is a whole new thing. You would think he would take his time to actually read the relevent policy. I was off for 2 days. He told me 'to be careful becuase he's sure they can take that off my maternity leave'. ORLY? TWAT. I corrected him, if I was signed off in the 4 weeks before my leave they might start my leave early but that's not going to happen as I have 6 weeks annual leave to take before my leave starts. That's just one example of him making things up as he goes along.

It's just me and him in this tiny office. The way he types fucking annoys me. He ate an apple today - BLEUGH! He sounded like a fucking pig.

So it's a toss up between stabbing him and taking a shit on his desk...

4 days to go... breath....

(PS just in case anyone gets hysterical, I won't actually stab him, or take a shit on his desk, just get great pleasure from imagining it.)

[JarethTheGoblinKing]

Before we left school we gaffer-taped a shallow dish of milk to the underside of our Head of Year's desk. When we went to collect our exam results at the end of a very warm August the sour cheese smell was very apparent

[takingiteasy]

UPDATE! (Cos I know you're all waiting for one!!)

I finised up and DID NOT take a shit on is desk!

He was mighty pissed off when I said I was going up to the main office for lunch on my last day and finishing from there so I could see everyone and collect my presents. We can access the same stuff from there so it's no big deal. He wanted me to spend my last 3 hours at work sitting on my own in that little office awaiting an engineer to come and do something with the router.

I was proactive and told the admin lady from the other service that the engineer might come and if he does could she please open the cupboard for him. Simple!

Anyway, had a lovely lunch and send off with the lovely people I work with, he floated about for 20 minutes and left (thank fuck!). His last words were a fumbling, 'hope it goes ok and you get a baby at the end of it' [hmmm] well that's the plan WANK.

Feels weird finishing up.

Was speaking to a workmate at the start of the week and apparantly he's moaning he's lonely! Lonely!? He never spoke to me in the first place, the 2 of us would sit in that little office in silence, with me (and probably him as well) seething in annoyance!

Anyway, a year until I have to deal with him again and hopefully by then he's fucked of somewhere new and there will be a lovely capable person in his place!

[LadyClariceCannockMonty]

I think it used to turn up every episode, but I'm not sure where from. It seemed to be something she used as a power play; it was a way to demonstrate her temper/meanness. I always got the impression she thought it was quite a funny little charade as well, but it wasn't; she was deluded.

[NoOnesGoingToEatYourEyes]

Where was her pen?

[LadyClariceCannockMonty]

The mug story makes me think of Pauline in The League of Gentlemen. 'Where's me pen?!'

[shudder]

[mopbucket]

Put prawns in a curtain rail or simalar and wait

[ipswichwitch]

he has a MAN BAG?????!!!!!!!
take a dump in that, god i dont know whats worse, his extreme twattery or the fact he owns a man bag.....shudder

[BalloonSlayer]

Oh god I love the mug story. So so sinister

[LadyClariceCannockMonty]

at 'big steaming keech'.

And no, YANBU.

[takingiteasy]

Ah that's class with the mug!

[Trixidoll]

A work experience girl (let's call her sue) in my department had to spend her whole placement year making my boss cups of tea (and other tasks that were not in her job remit). Now my boss is very particular about her special mug - freshly tipexs her name on it every week, gets people to hunt round other departments if it goes missing ect. so on her last day Sue took said mug down to the staff room at the end of the day as normal but 'forgot' to put it in the diswasher and smashed it to pieces instead. After a few weeks Sue started to send bits of it in the post to my boss...which she continued to do so every month until there weren't any left.

Not as militant as a shit on the desk but...

[Fairyliz]

What a fabulous thread. I was feeling miserable when I logged on but I've just laughed my socks off. Thanks for the tips everyone you never know when they might come in handy

[takingiteasy]

From where I'm standing there's one easy way to make sure your employees never discuss how to take a shit on your desk - don't be a twat!

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Porcamiseria - I doubt you'd treat an employee so badly that they'd want to speak about you like this.

[toomuchmonthatendofthemoney]

Go ledkr!!! Standing up to the bully well done have some

[ledkr]

Mine was a twunt when i was pg,picked me up for leaving 10 mins early even though id been out in the back of beyond late the night before in a house so dirty i couldnt pee and i pranged my car too.
I went back 4 weeks ago. I am no longer preggers,hormonal and tearfull.
He started with his shit so i gave it to him straight.
He seems to have backed off since.
Cant think why

[porcamiseria]

yes it does! but quite astonished by the vitriol on this thread TBH, if had an employree that spoke like that about me I would be very disappointed

[knitpicker]

Does porcamiseria mean miserable pig?

[porcamiseria]

you sound like a DELIGHTFUL employee, sounds like both of you will be well rid!

[ILikeToMoveItMoveIt]

I wish there was a 'like' button on this thread, it's very funny.

It makes me want to go back to work and seek revenge against my previous shit bosses!

[StayForNoone]

Absolutely not unreasonable! People that eat noisily need to be punished, it's the only way they will learn!

[takingiteasy]

You guys are great! I can face my fourth last day today safe in the knowledge that wanting to take a shit on my bosses desk isn't unreasonable and there are 1000 other things to do too!

[StealthPolarBear]

some of you are very naughty!
Love the tin of tuna suggestion

[laurenamium]

Put the shit in his manbag!!