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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to take a shit on my boss's desk before my maternity leave starts?

80 replies

takingiteasy · 14/02/2012 20:53

He's a fucking useless twat. I'm meant to be there as admin support for him although he keeps all the paperwork I need to admin in his fucking man bag.

I'm the first person he's line managed and I'm not difficult (honest) but he's so infuriatingly crap it's so annoying.

He's never managed anyone, so me being pregnant is a whole new thing. You would think he would take his time to actually read the relevent policy. I was off for 2 days. He told me 'to be careful becuase he's sure they can take that off my maternity leave'. ORLY? TWAT. I corrected him, if I was signed off in the 4 weeks before my leave they might start my leave early but that's not going to happen as I have 6 weeks annual leave to take before my leave starts. That's just one example of him making things up as he goes along.

It's just me and him in this tiny office. The way he types fucking annoys me. He ate an apple today - BLEUGH! He sounded like a fucking pig.

So it's a toss up between stabbing him and taking a shit on his desk...

4 days to go... breath....

(PS just in case anyone gets hysterical, I won't actually stab him, or take a shit on his desk, just get great pleasure from imagining it.)

OP posts:
SoEmbarassed · 15/02/2012 00:35

I'd pee on his chair instead. It's easier to do. Just sit on his chair with no pants or tights on and away you go!

It's also much harder to get soaked in urine off. Cleaning a turd off a hard surface is too easy.

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 15/02/2012 00:47

Love all the ideas on this thread, although some of you seem very, er, knowledgable about taking revenge ...

HerRoyalNotness · 15/02/2012 00:49

Grin at this thread, I needed a good laugh. I'd do some of this in my office but we're open plan and we'd all suffer.

I did once bake some choc chip cookies with laxatives in the biggest one for a rather greedy x-colleague. He went straight for it like we knew he would. Poor bastard.

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 15/02/2012 00:53

Pair of gloves, seem unpicker - those swim briefs will give the whole pool a laugh. Do you feel a swim coming on Grin

Whirliwig72 · 15/02/2012 07:18

Learn the word for turd in some unusual exotic language - Haitian for example - then call him his new 'nickname' at every possibility Grin

laurenamium · 15/02/2012 07:29

Put the shit in his manbag!!

StealthPolarBear · 15/02/2012 07:40

Shock some of you are very naughty!
Love the tin of tuna suggestion

Original poster
takingiteasy · 15/02/2012 08:20

You guys are great! I can face my fourth last day today safe in the knowledge that wanting to take a shit on my bosses desk isn't unreasonable and there are 1000 other things to do too!

OP posts:
StayForNoone · 15/02/2012 08:29

Absolutely not unreasonable! People that eat noisily need to be punished, it's the only way they will learn!

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 15/02/2012 08:46

I wish there was a 'like' button on this thread, it's very funny.

It makes me want to go back to work and seek revenge against my previous shit bosses!

porcamiseria · 15/02/2012 08:52

you sound like a DELIGHTFUL employee, sounds like both of you will be well rid!

Adversecamber · 15/02/2012 08:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

knitpicker · 15/02/2012 08:58

Does porcamiseria mean miserable pig?

porcamiseria · 15/02/2012 09:02

yes it does! but quite astonished by the vitriol on this thread TBH, if had an employree that spoke like that about me I would be very disappointed

ledkr · 15/02/2012 09:03

Mine was a twunt when i was pg,picked me up for leaving 10 mins early even though id been out in the back of beyond late the night before in a house so dirty i couldnt pee and i pranged my car too.
I went back 4 weeks ago. I am no longer preggers,hormonal and tearfull.
He started with his shit so i gave it to him straight.
He seems to have backed off since.
Cant think why Grin

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 15/02/2012 12:32

Go ledkr!!! Standing up to the bully well done have some Thanks

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 15/02/2012 13:44

Porcamiseria - I doubt you'd treat an employee so badly that they'd want to speak about you like this.

Original poster
takingiteasy · 15/02/2012 16:16

From where I'm standing there's one easy way to make sure your employees never discuss how to take a shit on your desk - don't be a twat!

OP posts:
Fairyliz · 15/02/2012 16:26

What a fabulous thread. I was feeling miserable when I logged on but I've just laughed my socks off. Thanks for the tips everyone you never know when they might come in handy

Trixidoll · 15/02/2012 16:35

A work experience girl (let's call her sue) in my department had to spend her whole placement year making my boss cups of tea (and other tasks that were not in her job remit). Now my boss is very particular about her special mug - freshly tipexs her name on it every week, gets people to hunt round other departments if it goes missing ect. so on her last day Sue took said mug down to the staff room at the end of the day as normal but 'forgot' to put it in the diswasher and smashed it to pieces instead. After a few weeks Sue started to send bits of it in the post to my boss...which she continued to do so every month until there weren't any left.

Not as militant as a shit on the desk but...

Original poster
takingiteasy · 15/02/2012 16:40

Ah that's class with the mug!

OP posts:
LadyClariceCannockMonty · 15/02/2012 16:47

Grin at 'big steaming keech'.

And no, YANBU.

BalloonSlayer · 15/02/2012 16:50

Oh god I love the mug story. So so sinister Grin Grin Grin

ipswichwitch · 15/02/2012 16:59

he has a MAN BAG?????!!!!!!!
take a dump in that, god i dont know whats worse, his extreme twattery or the fact he owns a man bag.....shudder

mopbucket · 15/02/2012 17:05

Put prawns in a curtain rail or simalar and wait Grin