to be a bit bitter about inheritance

[ShagOBite]

I had a horrible childhood, and lived in poverty. I won't get an inheritance.

Friends of mine had lovely childhoods, the best education money could buy, and as many boosts as possible to their careers. They are already much more privileged. They don't need any more money now, as their careers are ticking along nicely, and still get parental help when they can't afford a new conservatory or whatever.

Soon enough, their parents will die and leave them with even more money. That they don't need. And so the cycle continues.

I know it is bitter of me, I don't like feeling like this, but it is so unfair. I've had to work so hard to make a success of my life, it is so frustrating when others get handouts for nothing. Some of my friends have hardly ever worked, safe in the knowledge that they will be fine and dandy in a few years.

I get the argument that you work hard to provide for your kids. But if it stops them from working hard, and especially if it's 'old money' (ie. the working hard bit was done generations ago) it seems so unfair.

AIBU?

Is that why people work hard? So their kids don't have to?

I'm no communist, but it strikes me that a system whereby everyone has enough to live and have a good education is the ideal, surely?

This is a very interesting thread: I struggle with similar feelings, and wish I didn't, because it isn't constructive. Hunty makes some excellent points. I struggled through Uni as a mature student, working up to 40 hours per week while running up a huge loan (I studied in London). I didn't get as good a degree as the kids whose parents supported them and bought flats for them to live in, and so I have been unable to make as good use of the four years I spent and am now just as low earning as I was before. My partner didn't even get to sit his A levels, because his father lost his job and he turned 18 just before the exams- so the college sent them a bill they couldn't pay. Two years studying for nothing.

On the other hand, my sister got up to Phd level with no student loans as she is older than I am and did her degree when things were (in my view) fairer. Not that it did her much good- she is a single mum on benefits, living in a council estate and will not be using her education as opportunities in that area of academia are limited.

I know, however, that although my life has been pretty tough, I only have to walk down the road and I will find people who have had it much, much harder than me, and I am sure they could choose to resent me for it too. And the woman who lives in the great big family house up the road may have to deal with anorexia, or parents who never loved her. And ultimately, do I really want to look at my life as though it was a sheet covered in columns of pluses and minuses?

What I do feel should be changed is our education system. I find it very unfair that children should not have exactly the same access to knowledge and opportunities for self development. A degree is not the be all and end all, but I really get angry that there are still adults who can't even read.

DamnBamboo why are you appalled by that?

I don't think people only work hard so their kids don't have to, but I think wanting to provide well for your dc's so that they don't go through life missing out is natural. People know what life is like now, our children will either have to be helped by us or will start their adult life with debt if they want a degree. Then they will have no chance of buying a property because of the size of the deposit they will need to save at the same time as paying off student debt.

So yes, wanting to give your children the best start in life you can is an incentive for people, but anyone would be deluded to think that their dc don't have to work hard if they do instead.

I genuinely can't understand that post DamnBamboo. This site is full of people complaining, bitching and generally putting the world to rights. There are all kinds of arguments on the go at once, yet you find my (statistically proven, by the way, I'll find the data if I get a chance) assertion that the mega-wealthy volunteer less than the poor appalling? Odd.

yabu, jealousy is natural but it can eat you up and you are knowingly letting it.

Also not good for your friendship.....

You are making sweeping generalisations about a group of people, who actually have the time, and often do volunteer themselves regularly.

Good point earlier about SAHPs, and also many rich people, who work for and support charities.

Have wealth doesn't automatically make you selfish.

Please go and find the data, I am intrigued to see it.

BTW - wanted to add, there are some rather wealthy people that I do admire - Paul McCartney - instilled a work ethic into his children (as much as a mega star can do and yes they all had the benefits of his contacts) far more than Bernie Ecclestone. Surely a parent doesn't hand over wads of cash so that their child doesn't have to go to Harrods to get their dog a pedicure - and that is a sicky emoticon rather than envy.

The thing about inheritance is that if it gives you a boost, great, however the one thing (and I think Hunty mentioned this) is that acknowledging you help and being proud of what that help has let you achieve. Sitting there just spending the inheritance on fast cars/booze/flash holidays/dog grooming parlours and crystal baths makes me want to vomit.

You need to differentiate between mega wealthy and those who have been given a bit of money to help with a house deposit, or who have been helped with their education.

I have no idea about the statistics, but I would say you are probably right that the mega wealthy volunteer less. But there is a massive massive difference between mega wealthy and having a helping hand finacially from your parents.

But what's appalling?

Lots of people volunteer. It's great. But the very wealthy are least likely to do so. Why are you appalled by my stating that fact? (baffled)

You didn't say 'very' wealthy though.

And because wealthy or very wealthy are so subjective, it is hard to know which level of wealthyness you are referring to, especially as many people who have a helping hand form parents or an inheritance do volunteer, and those are the people that this debate started over.

yanbu to be jealous but there's no point being jealous or bitter. I grew up in poverty and however hard Ive tried have remained there. friend has rich parents who have paid off their mortgage even though they were wealthy.
Its how life is.
My kids will have nothing either.

I don't believe it's fact.

I believe it's your blinkered viewpoint because you are jealous, by your own admission of people with more than you.

Your attitude towards those with more, is appalling.

It was your 10:42 statement that precipitated the comment, but it's your overall view of wealthy people, that is quite frankly, very shitty.

What about the mega wealthy donating their cash?
I don't see Bill Gates helping in the Sue Ryder shop, but he has given away millions, also Oprah Winfrey.

I have told my parents I want nothing at all to do with their will. My Mum has used it in the past to score a few points and wrote what I felt was a 'bit of insult to me' clause in her will. It was shown to me will with glee, my brother hasnt seen it.

So I removed her power use it, she still tries to drag me into discussion over it but I refuse to engage just repeating I want nothing from her. She has changed tack and now says we will get a big bill if we havn't sorted it as she has property abroad

OP... free yourself from this bitterness

What is my overall view of wealthy people? Pray tell.

I agree with Damn bamboo

Your comment at 10.42 is appalling.

Firstly because it is factually incorrect. Secondly, swap the word wealthy for poor or any other group in society and see how it sounds.

Exactly Shanghaidiva. The multi millionaire donating money and the pensioner giving a couple of hours a week to the local shop are both essential things, so we need people at both ends of the spectrum and everything in between.

Historically and less so but still nowadays the wealthy have contributed massively to society not just through taxes but through charity work. I suggest you read up a bit before making terribly wrong assumptions about a group of people in society.

I'll tell you what - for some reason mil seems to believe we are going to inherit loads from somewhere and so therefore uses this an excuse to basically fund sil lifestyle (childcare/pets- the sadle wearing variety/filling car with petrol/food shops/etc) this all stems from us having a conversation with regards to private education. Once. From this she seems to think it is mega unfair on sil that she won't be able to send her dc to private school. But we can - oh yes with that imaginary pot of money that pays for everything we have/do . We have way less in disposable income on a monthly basis, running very close to the overdraft limit last £10, but somehow we are seen as better off. Oh and our debt is worse, but we aren't worthy of a handout like sil is. Hey Ho. DH has been very pragmatic about it all but nearly flipped out recently and one more mention of this and he truly will go nuts! We aren't jealous but there is this assumption that we are ok bob because we don't take handouts.

All I will inherit is the run down, crumbling, infested house I grew up in. And was sexually abused in (not by my parents). I don't set foot in it now if I can help it, I really don't know how I will cope with clearing/selling it.

Sorry if I've missed it as haven't got time to read whole thread til later but what happens if somebody is massively in debt when they die?

Agree with Shanghaidiva too