to be a bit bitter about inheritance

[ShagOBite]

I had a horrible childhood, and lived in poverty. I won't get an inheritance.

Friends of mine had lovely childhoods, the best education money could buy, and as many boosts as possible to their careers. They are already much more privileged. They don't need any more money now, as their careers are ticking along nicely, and still get parental help when they can't afford a new conservatory or whatever.

Soon enough, their parents will die and leave them with even more money. That they don't need. And so the cycle continues.

I know it is bitter of me, I don't like feeling like this, but it is so unfair. I've had to work so hard to make a success of my life, it is so frustrating when others get handouts for nothing. Some of my friends have hardly ever worked, safe in the knowledge that they will be fine and dandy in a few years.

I get the argument that you work hard to provide for your kids. But if it stops them from working hard, and especially if it's 'old money' (ie. the working hard bit was done generations ago) it seems so unfair.

AIBU?

I've just said.

It's very shitty.

Obviously, just my opinion.

You are jealous, say that people who are richer than you don't need it etc.., say they are less likely to volunteer. As with earlier point, they may not be in Oxfam pricing up the clothes, but giving their money and lending their 'name' (if famous) is also a very useful way of helping out.

You have a jaded view of people with more money than you, and you have also only just now said 'very wealthy'.

Do your friends know you feel this way?

How are we defining mega-wealthy?

The debts are taken out of their estate fuzz.

If the estate doesnt' cover it all, the rest of the debt is written off.

You can't inherit personal debt.

and also - if you had a "boost" from somewhere or someone for whatever reason would you pass it up as you hadn't "earned" it?

You mean, like state benefits?

Agree with DamnBamboo about your jaded view.
You are luckier that so many people in the world. Not receiving an inheritance - so what?
Consider those who were even unluckier in the uterus lottery and live in a house with no heat, no running water, no toilet (except a public one in the village) and have no income and an orphaned grandchild to support.
This is the reality for many people in rural China.

I don't believe I do have a jaded view of wealthy people at all. Yes, I am jealous. I strongly believe that a system whereby some can have far too much money while others struggle to live is wring. Appalling in fact. I have a jaded view of the system that allows this, not the people themselves.

Yes, my very wealthy friends know I feel this way. It has been the topic of lively debate many times. It's not that I begrudge them money, stability, a good education etc. at all, it's that I think everyone should have these things.
There is enough money in this country for it to happen, but as long as people continue to see themselves an their offspring as more important than others, it won't happen.

It's great that people donate to charity. Lots of people, wealthy or not, do. Fabulous. But as long as we're living in a society where there are children without adequate food, shelter and education, forgive me for not being happy that enough is being done.

As for the statistics, I can't search properly right now but will take a look later on - I definitely read something not long ago that will back up my claim (an sorry for not defining the very part, that was wrong.)

fuzz - you can pay someone to clear and sell the house out of the estate if you can't face going near it.

I think there are a few people on here who have no idea what poverty in this country, right now is like.

Awful as things are in many other countries, there are a lot of people living in ire poverty in this country. Open your eyes.

I mean a lottery win, unknown relative that bequests a large amount of money

if your post was to me davidacottonmouth?

To me, my children are more important.

Most people will have a preference for their own children, that is just biology.

You mentioned nothing of people not having food, water etc..

Of course that is appalling. However, this is not really anything to do with your first post, or that is my belief based on what you have typed.

What has any of the above (all very important issues that need dealing with) got to do with inheritance?

ShagO you are morphing your OP into another issue completely.

You speak of wanting an extra 5K to start a business.

This is head and shoulders above this rife povery of which you now begin to speak!

You said nothing of poverty generally, just that you wanted more money and didn't think it was fair that our wealthy friends would get some and you wouldn't.

Bag - you seem to be changing track now - from it's so unfair that I won't have an inheritance to concern that now enough is being done for the very poor in society.

Looking after your own family and supporting others though voluntary work or donations are mutually exclusive. I don't see that looking after your family equates to a belief you are more important than others.

What has it to do with inheritance? Everything.

My example is not unique. I grew up in dire poverty. We had no home. Many places we lived (squats and caravans mostly) were cold, damp and unhealthy places to live. To eat, we often had to steal, beg or eat from hedgerows. There was abuse, fear and pain.

If there were fewer people receiving massive, unnecessary payouts purely because their relatives had died, there would be more money to address the issue of poverty.

The problem with 100% inheritance tax is that people will figure out ways to get around it. If they couldn't, the whole system would start to become a more level playing field.

I love my children and want them to have a good chance in life. But not at the expense of other children. I want all children to have access to love, food, warmth and education. Addressing the massive inequalities that inheritance brings about would be a start to remedying this.

D'you know, I think you are all a bit bonkers thinking about inheritances in this way.

I'm writing as one who hasn't had any form of inheritance or family assistance, by the way, because there seems to be an argument that one is disqualified from having a legitimate opinion on this issue if one has inherited any money.

Look, the average age at which a woman gives birth in the UK is around 29 now. The average age at which a woman dies is around 80. If you inherit, you will be inheriting in your fifties. What good will it do you then, really? Much better to concentrate and develop the assets you have (brains, drive, hard work, common sense) than wishing for someone else's monetary assets.

Shocking really, to be looking for hand-outs. I never had any (other than no university fees I suppose).

Bag - I assume the comment 'open your eyes' was directed at me?
I have not lived in the UK for many years, but find it hard to believe that people there are living in the same poverty that I have seen in Cambodia, China, Laos and Tibet.

My guess is nobody would make another child suffer willingly, just so their child could have more.

OP, I am utterly sympathetic with your situation and I am so very sorry you have had such a hard time.

How to allocate this extra cash though?

Most people, would either get round any measures put in place to prevent inherited wealth, or they just wouldn't accumulate it in the first place.

Your issues, run so much deeper than what people do and don't inherit, and my guess (it is a guess) is that most people don't inherit a life-changing sum of money anyway.

The very rich, bar a revolution, or very bad financial managment, will remain this way indefinitely.

We need to work on social mobility I would have said.

You don't need money to have a good life, although not being poor obviously helps.

No, maybe not. But they are living in poverty.

I just don't understand why it's so hard to grasp that inheritance in inherently (see what I did there?!) unfair.

You have a privileged childhood.
You get a better education.
You are more likely to get a better job.
You then gain extra money.
And so on...

If there were fewer people receiving massive, unnecessary payouts purely because their relatives had died, there would be more money to address the issue of poverty

Oh - so all our money should go back to the government when we die?

Well, I'm from one of 'those' families; we've only been able to afford the house we're in at the moment thanks to gifts from parents and bequests from grandparents.

But I would be in favour of 100% inheritance tax and some mechanism to prevent large gifts from family, but it would have to be impossible to get out of and short of having a 'world federation', so that the wealthy can't hide money abroad, I can't see how it is possible.

I wouldn't want to ban private schools/healthcare, but I'd like to think the tax take in such a scenario would be enough to provide such high quality public services that there would be no need/point in having private schools and health care.

If we had such a system then we would have a genuine meritocracy and I like to think that I'd actually be doing better under such a system...

However, that's not the system we have and in the meantime I'm afraid I will take some advantage of my advantages (so to speak!). I will still support political candidates who favour my ideals and I will donate to charities and not use all the tax avoidance schemes that I possibly can. BUT; I will still try and give my child(ren) the same advantages I have if I can because I don't want them to be disadvantaged by the imperfect system that we currently have.

Utopian idea but:

How about 100% inheritance tax and some measures to stop massive gifting, then

All children to be given a considerable trust fund (like the one the govt. just got rid of, but much more)?

Would that be fair?

Shag, people will always see themselves and their offspring as more important to them. That's the way it should be, it's that sense of wanting to survive and provide for your offspring that has allowed us to evolve. You talk as if there is something wrong with that attitude, and there isn't.

There is relative poverty in this country, and is is very sad, but it's not the fault of people who pass on what they have to their own children. As I have already said, society needs these wealthier people to put their dc through medical school, help them with buying houses etc, because if everyone had to get in debt for these things the economy would crumble and we would have no one that is highly educated enough to care for the sick, or provide legal advice or whatever.

This country does provide people with opportunities IMO, we get free education, we get free schooling, we get housing and money for food if we need it. People are sometimes denied the opportunities that the country give because of parenting or because of circumstance, but I do believe that the country goes far enough to give people opportunities and the rest has to be down to individual responsibility.

You feel strongly about all these issues OP, and you have been truthfull enough to admit that you are jealous. But you need to remember that there will be people out there that are jealous of what you have. This is why it all comes back to counting the blessings that you do have and focussing on the things that are within your control.