to be a bit bitter about inheritance

[ShagOBite]

I had a horrible childhood, and lived in poverty. I won't get an inheritance.

Friends of mine had lovely childhoods, the best education money could buy, and as many boosts as possible to their careers. They are already much more privileged. They don't need any more money now, as their careers are ticking along nicely, and still get parental help when they can't afford a new conservatory or whatever.

Soon enough, their parents will die and leave them with even more money. That they don't need. And so the cycle continues.

I know it is bitter of me, I don't like feeling like this, but it is so unfair. I've had to work so hard to make a success of my life, it is so frustrating when others get handouts for nothing. Some of my friends have hardly ever worked, safe in the knowledge that they will be fine and dandy in a few years.

I get the argument that you work hard to provide for your kids. But if it stops them from working hard, and especially if it's 'old money' (ie. the working hard bit was done generations ago) it seems so unfair.

AIBU?

Ok Hunty, thanks.

I don't have the excuse of meds to explain my cloudiness when I read posts wrong! I hope the new medication works out for you and help prevent any more bumps.

It wont STOP the seizures, I already know that. It will just change the frequency from one eveyr 4 days to one every 8 days. 30% of people with epilepsy NEVER gain full control of their seizures, evern with all the meds there are thrown at them. I am in that 30%. Hence why I would struggle to go back to work FT. The cloudiness from the meds makes it nearly impossible. I am having to concentrate much harder on my spellings and typing because I find I make so many more mistakes when I am on these particular combination of meds. Which is one of the reasons why I couldn't take a job in my previous field.

It is so fast moving, as I'm sure you know, that 8 years out of it, and a disability that prevents you from finishing the job off (I can't go on-site to sign off...), and makes it difficult to work FT, that going back really isn't an option. I fear that at the rate I am saving up, that it will be another 10 years before I can afford to retrain.

Am I the only person who would rather see my parents enjoy the money they have worked hard for?

My DF has worked his ass off for as long as I can remember. He started at the bottom (left school at 17 with great grades but no uni as someone needed to support his recently widowed mother and siblings). Worked his way up to the top of his profession within 15yrs.

He was made redundant at 49 and took any job he could to maintain their home (3 kids still living at home and DW unable to work through ill health) and pay the bills. He worked in a bar collecting glasses, was a temp post man for christmas and now (6yrs later) does a job which involves intense training, shift work and leaves him exhausted. He is constantly tired, yet takes evey stitch of overtime available to keep the financial balls in the air.

I would give anything (including the inheritance) for him to sell up their home, downsize and retire at 60. He needs a rest and I need my DF. The way things are at the minute he looks like a top notch candidate for a heart attack :(

OhTheConfusion - I would very much like to see my mum enjoy her money. She has enjoyed some of it (cruises etc.) but with declining health (she's late 70's) she's getting a bit past enjoying the rest. She doesn't have a huge disposable income, but she has a big house - I think she should have downsized 10/15 years ago and had a blast with the money.

The thing is though - it's not our choice, is it? I don't control my mum's money and spending, she does. I don't choose when she dies (neither does she, of course), and whether she has to use her money for a nursing home, or leaves it to me and my brother, or whether she leaves it to the church.

And that's the point - whether I inherit money is not a) my choice nor b) down to any merit on my part.

OP how old are you and your friends? I will get all my parents money one day (as they keep mentioning) but they are in their 50s so it's a generation away (at least) I hope. I cannot think/plan that far ahead. I would hope that by the time I get any money from my parents I will be retired myself and in no need of it. Or they will have spent it on luxury holidays :o
That said, I do realise that I live my life in security - even if DH and I chose to squander all our money and run up huge debts, we and the DC would never go hungry. I do realise that is a privilege and would like to be able to assure my DC and GC the same when the time comes.

AllPastYears maybe it is important to your Mum that she has something to pass on to the children so she has hung on to the house.

For my Dad, it was a matter of great satisfaction and comfort to him that he was able to give his children a more secure start in life than he had had. He did enjoy himself and have good holidays etc but he saw the house as his contribution to our future security.

"AllPastYears maybe it is important to your Mum that she has something to pass on to the children so she has hung on to the house."

Possibly so, yes. She's fond of saying we'll inherit it when she dies . She's also been careful all her life, worrying about savings, pensions etc., so no reason to suppose she'd suddenly have a personality change in old age!

I have power of attorney over my DMs affairs. I run it as she would have run it. We discussed how she wanted her money spent when she still had the mental faculties to make decisions.
'over my dead body will the government get 1 more penny from me when I am dead' was her mantra.
I've tried to make sure that her wishes are carried out. But I also made sure that she spent the last active years of her life holidaying to the places she'd always dreamed of going to.
Yes this means I will get some inheritance, hopefully the government will get next to nothing from her (which has been taxed as earnings, taxed as savings and the rest spent on nursing home fees for a 'disease' that she could not have avoided, but is only classed as social care).

I don't know what to say to that Hunty. I tried to think of something positive and encouraging, but it would come out patronising. Your situation is truly pants.

I think older people do often take a lot of comfort from knowing that they would be able to leave something for the people they love, and that's why many would prefer to save it rather than enjoy it. It's fair enough if that's what they want to do, it's their money after all.

I can completly understand Auntevils point. More often than not, any inheritance has been taxed already. People should have a right to decide what happens to their own money, even after they die.

My mum and I have a good relationship (I'm an only child) and she has spoken about her and my dads will a few times.

Pretty much I will get everything...

However I want them to enjoy themselves rather than try and preserve
It for me! My mum lives holidays and spends hours looking online but then hums and hars. I'm constantly 'just book it it will be amazing!!!!!'

She was talking about hanging the will to include my cousins kids. I feigned shock horror 'how DARE you!' we had a giggle but she can do what they want, they worked hard for what they have and it's up to them.

We also joke that well be like the royals anyway with me being Charles... Overlooked due to age and immortal parents lol. The females on my mums side all live to 95 - 100! And with me being adopted I'll probably go first! Lol.

My gran was of the opinion that she would also live a Long time (honestly they ALL do) and wanted to see her kids/ grandchildren enjoy their inheritance
So gave us all £3k towards weddings/ furniture/ honeymoons. So we won't get anything when anything should happen but she got to enjoy looking at What her contribution went towards and know how much we all appreciated it. I expect she will leave the rest to her church. (no idea)
It was a really good idea and I would consider doing that for my kids/ grand kids .

Still trying to convince my dad that he needs to forget about my inheritance and get himself on that dream trip to Canada. He constantly talks about it