To just want to give parenting the fuck up sometimes?

[PamPerdbrat]

Weekend from HELL. I cannot wait for nursery drop off tomorrow. DS is 16mo and will not stop whinging, fighting sleep, crying, moaning. DH and I are completely on our own and I have fucking had it today.

No temp, not ill.., just grumpy as fuck.

AAAARGH! What made me stupid enough to become a parent, and arrogant enough to think I could do it?!

I'm not lashing out - if you read back you can see that nowhere have I been aggressive like the op. This is AIBU. I am quite within my rights to say she is bu. If she didn't want to hear that she should have posted elsewhere.

Fwiw my name refers to my attempts to leave mn, not my family.

And IMO, one sleeping 16 month old is fairly easy compared to other stages.

Op: AIBU to want to 'give parenting the fuck up sometimes?' (charming ) because my 16 month old has been grumpy, possibly ill today.

Me: yes

Posters: omg, you are being so rude and lashing out, fuck off, you must be defensive!!!!

Yeah, I'm the defensive one

Give me a 16 month old than a preteen/ teenager any day

However I have been there op in your shoes years ago with my first child ds. He was my first, there was just me, dp (now an ex) and ds and I found life with him so hard. I just couldn't cope with the small shit. I thought babies slept and didnt factor in illness/ teething/ shitty bums in the night.

one sleepless night amongst a lot of good ones was enough to send me into a meltdown let alone ds because I'd never been a parent before, I just didnt realize what babies were like (and ds does has sn, we discovered, and had kidney problems as a baby but thats beside the point)

Now I'm 4 dc in and I'm a little blase about coping with my lot. We have many problems as a family but I'm coping just but it takes just one crappy night to make me feel like i'm falling apart. I NEED my sleep, I can't function without it.

I don't think yabu really, I do understand where you are coming from, this stage does pass. I'm going through the same sort of thing with my 22 month old atm

I am having that day :(

Been up since 4 in the fucking morning. She won't sleep. She's either chewing on my nipples or screeching.

I haven't had proper sleep for 5 years. I get days like this often. So shoot me.

This thread is reassuring. I'm lying in bed sobbing. My almost 1yo is waking silly amounts and has lost the ability to go back to sleep and therefore screams and shouts. I pick him up but he just wants to be up and playing even though he is clearly tired. I'm knackered. I have a 4+ hour drive tomorrow, 2.5 hours on Weds and I'm back to work in 2 weeks. I don't know how I'll cope. Kill me now.

Has anyone read wonder weeks? It helps.

Honestly, I think a lot of posters have a right to whinge. Ohburgit, that sounds awful. I haven't slept properly for five years either. It is just i think the op, who has a baby who sleeps 14 hours a day, has over reacted. I can't even imagine how blissful it must be to have a child who sleeps that much.

Neither do I, trying, but that doesn't mean I can't sympathise. I had a child who was potty trained in a week but I still felt like flipping out when I had shit on my carpet. Some things just suck, and it's not a competition to see whose life is suckiest. The OP feels fed up. It's not up to us to judge whether she's got a raw enough deal, to police her levels of frustration to make sure they fall within expected norms. Surely we can just sympathise, can't we?

neither can I

It's the sleep deprivation

I can't see anywhere that Tryingtoleave has lashed out.

Dd1 had sleep apnoea and woke multiple times a night until aged 3. Dd2 has slept 12 hour nights since 8 weeks old unless ill

I honestly find a few bad nights harder to deal with-i think its more of a shock to the body. Also if its on going sleep deprivation your mind is so numb and you can't spare the energy it takes to be frustrated!

Op- You replied to my post where I said you have it easy compared to others, including single mothers, that because your'e not a single mum then your life bears no resemblance to theirs. True, it doesn't!

And I honestly hope you don't ever become one because you may then see how hard parenting a child alone can be!

Fwiw I realise you've had a testing few days, but you describe your child as a normally brilliant boy who sleeps for 14 hours, aswell as napping in the day, and yet you post in AIBU and describe how 'you want to give parenting the fuck up sometimes' because he's grumpy at the moment.

To me your'e coming across as highly strung and I was only trying to make you see that yes I agree with you children are hard work, but please put things in perspective and realise that most people would love a child who sleeps like your little one does !, he sounds an angel !

I don't think parenting misery is measured out according to how objectively hard the situation is.

Eg a day where your toddler is rude, chucks their food at you, tantrums and whines all day and your newborn has a bad cold, cant feed easily, doesnt sleep, screams all day and where your DH is away with work for three days, IS is much harder than having one 16 mth old with 2 adults to share the pain.

But the latter still feels as grim as the former, because you don't yet know how deep the cup of grimness can flow! It feels like maximum grimness to you as its the grimmest you have yet experienced.

Baby DS has just opened his eyes in the cot next to me, seen me and given me the biggest beam ever. It is all worth it ... just please god not another week like last week!

Tbh, there are some things I feel nervous of posting on MN. If I post that I am feeling a bit unable to cope, kids driving me up the wall, DH working long hours etc, you can guarantee that there will be posts from people saying that I am lucky I have a partner, lucky I have healthy children, lucky I have a house to worry about keeping clean etc. When you are struggling, it doesn't have to be rational, and knowing there are people worse off than you doesn't help, it just makes you feel even more of a failure.

My dc2 has been challenging. Between 4 and 8 months I would quite happily have taken him back to the hospital if it had been an option. He is nearly 18m and we are gradually getting better, but he is exhausting. My mum has 5 children, 2 with SN and she says to me she doesn't know how I cope because DS is such a live wire. It does get better.

TBH, there are some parents (usually women unfortunately) even if you had a child with severe SN who slept five minutes a day, and you were a single prents living in a damp shoebox- would tell you 'How DARE you complain????'.....
Good old us. Always first to knock another woman who admits to finding anything Womanly hard work or not totally 1000% fulfilling..

No, I don't think it's that you can't be fed up/tired/upset unless you are a single mum of 5 SN kids. Of course you can.

I think some posters were just pointing out that, given the background OP gives regarding the usually tame toddler, she may have been overreacting just a teensy bit.

It was the "dh and i are completely on our own" bit that made me

It may actually be helpful to OP to gain a bit of persepective, because all first time parents (as sheepgomeep has said) are a bit highly strung and lacking in perspective. I know I was.

It was the "dh and i are completely on our own" bit that made me

haha me too! Who else are you saying should be looking after your LO in addition to both of you? Isn't 2 parents enough??

But I do get your pain, we all have moment of feeling like this even with the one child, so YANBU. Parenting really really hard.

I haven't had an uninterrupted night for over 3yrs . I have a 3.3yr old and a 18 month old. Last night the 18 month old was waking up constantly and just wanted to BF all the time. I hardly got any sleep at all. I'm embaressed to admit I even shouted at her to go to sleep, I couldn't take anymore. This morning I feel like shite because of so little sleep.

Although in comparison, when I only had one 16 month old baby to look after, it was a DODDLE compared to having two small LOs to look after.

But did it feel like a doddle at the time, choceyes?

Thanks again for the responses. I should reiterate; I don't shout or swear at my DS. That's abuse and if I want to shout or swear; I hold it in! For the first time ever, I thought I'd vent a little bit on MN. I can if I want to; it's an open forum! Yeah probably an over reaction, but why aren't I allowed to get frustrated once in a blue moon? As long as I never show my child; where's the problem? Most ladies have come on here and said 'oh God, me too!' There are posters on here suggesting there's something bad about venting occasionally.

Yes, I am fortunate. But it's all relative isn't it? I'm never going to be able to relate to a parent who is single, or who's child is SN. But there again, none of you know me either. You don't know what I've got to deal with this week; what I've had to deal with in the past year, because why would you care?! I'm not pulling my extra stresses out the bag to make excuses for me feeling overwhelmed.

I'm just an average working mum, who isn't afraid to say 'Once in a while, I feel like running away and crying and giving up because I'm frustrated!'

If you don't ever feel like this, or never have... Good for you. You're a better parent than me then!

And the comment upthread? 'Don't bother with number two then!' will stay with me forever, I think.

FFS choceyes, don't be so obtuse! Lots of people have extended family close by for hands on help & moral support. I don't think op meant full time care from anyone else, just some respite. There's nothing wrong with wishing for that.

God there are some sanctimonious twats on this planet.
OP I regularly wish to resign.
YANBU

I have only read the OP, but just want to say 'I hear you'. Kids are great but you can have too much of a good thing.

ok have read thread now, please don't be mean to the OP, she was just sounding off, what's wrong with that? We all have hard days and we all have different lives. My own life on paper is much harder now than it was when DS was an only but the depths that I sank to then when he was whinging were worse than I get now.

OP - FWIW DC1 was a right whinger, DC2 not at all, DC3 about halfway between the 2. I can cope with a lot but the flipping whinging does my nut. DCs are very different.