To just want to give parenting the fuck up sometimes?

[PamPerdbrat]

Weekend from HELL. I cannot wait for nursery drop off tomorrow. DS is 16mo and will not stop whinging, fighting sleep, crying, moaning. DH and I are completely on our own and I have fucking had it today.

No temp, not ill.., just grumpy as fuck.

AAAARGH! What made me stupid enough to become a parent, and arrogant enough to think I could do it?!

Well, I am not too sure why you are getting in such a state to be honest.
Sure we all have bad days, but he normally sleeps really well and is fine, so it's not like the tiredness is an accumulation of months with broken nights.

He probably is just teething or has earache.
Pace yourself! Many more ups and downs to come!

I'm another one who thinks YABU OP

Although I can understand that yes kids do drive you around the twist sometimes, I think you have it fairly easy compared to many parents.

Many people are caring for children with disabilities and special needs for example, how exhausted must they feel ?

And please give a thought to all the single parents out there, many of whom have more than one child and NO partner to give them a break. Atleast you CAN leave your house to go for a walk or whatever to relax whilst your child is looked after.

Maybe your child could be grumpy because he senses that you and your DH are stressed.

Calm down

Pam, of course I get frustrated, but it takes a bit more than a toddler having a one off bad day to do that.

You, otoh, clearly don't require much stress before you start raving and swearing.

If you didn't want to hear that you were being unreasonable you could have gone to behaviour and development. While you were there you could have read some posts from people who really have frustrating situations to deal with.

TBH, you lost me at "DH and I are completely on our own".

In these situations, having ruled out Other Stuff, I simply go for ibuprofen.

Used to be Medised when mine were small but I gather that is not recommended for under 2s any more. Shame.

Yeah... And it was one night that I/we were stressed in months! Am I not allowed to be just AAAARGGGHHH sometimes?! Or have I got to be calm and serene forever? It's not like I do it in front of DS, so if I want to come and have a shout and swear on MN... surely that's not a bad thing?

Honestly, if you genuinely do that and parent toddler(s) without feeling stressed once in a blue moon, just because it all gets on top of you then kudos. Seriously. Obviously I am crap for feeling this way sometimes.

Your'e not crap Pam - don't let the snarky commentators get to you. Hope you have a better day today.

Jemma1111 - I think that your response to the OP is quite out of order. She, like many of us, has had a bloody hard night with her child. Just because she doesn't have a child with SN and isn't coping alone, it doesn't mean that she doesn't have the right to be tired, pissed off and crying out for help. Please don't diminish the problems that others come to these boards to seek support for - it's unfair and unreasonable.

Pam I was over at a friend's the other day who I always perceive as really patient and calm- basically she's my role model. I commented on this (after a trying morning with DS). She said "Come here. I want to show you something" We went into her utility room and there was a massive hole in the panelling of the back door. She said "That's where I punched it the other day when [her DD] kicked me because she didn't want to put her shoes on. I just had to walk away and let rip"

Jemma that's kind of like saying it's not hard having a leg amputated, because some people have both removed! She could've gone to b&d but that doesn't mean people have to kick her when she's down.

Now why don't you just fly off somewhere else?

I do think it's kind of irrelevant asking me to compare my life to single mothers and think how lucky I am. I'm not a single mum; my life bears little resemblance to theirs. I'm never going to understand. Also, that's a bit condescending to assume all single mums are badly off and struggling! Colleen Rooney probably looks at my life with all her riches and thinks 'poor sod'.

Thanks for the lovely comments. That's all it was; a hard day probably not helped by a few things going on at the same time. Im not going to chat about them because it's not relevant and it's no excuse for the way I felt yesterday! DS has had a couple of illnesses back to back for the past 3 weeks, followed by a bit of a crap weekend; it's just the way the cookie crumbles it's no ones fault.

Pam I just wanted to come back and say that today I was dreading being at home with DD, last night I was intending on ringing her nursery first thing to see of they had any spaces as I couldn't cope with another awful day.

Anyway. When I was getting DD dressed I made a pact with her. That was that we would be nice to each other all day, and that there would be no screaming and no shouting. After struggling to stay asleep for her nap which is usually a sign of being overtired I curled up with her and she slept for over two hours. I didn't get much done today on the house, I did an hour of housework when DD was is a good mood but the place still looks like a tip. DD actually ate her lunch post nap, then we went to the pet store with her on reins so she could wander, she was captivated by the fish tanks, utterly adored the rabbits, frightened of the lizards and somewhat bemused by the guinea pigs. She actually had fun, and I sat and sang songs with her and the teddies, I managed to cook our dinner without being screamed at even if I did then discover she had put the blue oven glove into the White wash.

I might get flamed, but I think that I need to up my game in terms of being fun and engaging, nursery is so full on and stimulating and dedicated to the children that sharing me with chores must be eternally dull. I'm working the st of the week and I think I will miss her.

Tomorrow is another day here as well. I was expecting a full on tantrum when I cooked the tea tonight, but DS brought some chocolate buttons home from nursery and wanted to eat them. I decided to pick my battles and told him that if he stayed in the living room while I cooked the tea (TV on, all toys and books in reach) he could eat the buttons at the same time.

To my surprise and delight, it worked. Normally, we have screaming, frazzled mummy and DH coming home to a warzone. This evening, DH came home to his dinner keeping warm in the oven and me and DS eating ours, calmly, at the table.

DS screamed at bedtime, but that's because DH wound him up with silly games before bed and so I made him do the settling.

I don't think its fair to say you can't ever get tired or upset because you have a sleeping child without SN. That's not belittling those who do have these issues, just an acknowledgement that sometimes, it's hard for everyone.

I've felt like that an awful lot. In my case having ds2 made it easier in a way as i don't have the time to worry so much (not sure that makes any sense).

Much better today; well, DS still teething but I've had my AARRRRGGGHHH fucking hell! Moment last night and I'm a lot calmer in myself

We all have days when we've just bloody had it, it's not a sin.

Three or four times today, I almost started a similar thread, but didn't because I thought everyone would say "well you don't deserve to have her then." DD is nearly 7mo, her first tooth is starting to come through, she's learning to crawl, and I think having a growth spurt into the bargain. She has perfected that particular kind of whinge that just makes me want to scream. Every time I try and do anything it's "Urrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrhhhh. Urrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrhhh." She's not even crying, just moaning ALL THE FREAKIN' TIME, IT DRIVES ME CRAZY!!!!!

She still wakes at least once in the night, a few nights she has slept through but there is no pattern - one weekend she slept through on Friday, woke up four times on Saturday, and slept through again Sunday night. The last two nights she has woken up three or four times - last night she had a dream feed at midnight but then woke up at 3.00, 4.15 and 5.20. When she was still crying at 5.45 DP came and rescued me and told me to go back to bed. It was so nice having the bed to myself! Sometimes I take her into bed and feed her lying down in the hope that she'll doze off and I can snooze for another hour or so, but normally she's just kicking me in the belly and grabbing at my face / arm / boob and generally making sure I don't fall asleep.

Anyway, sorry for the lengthy ramble. I am supposed to be having an early night tonight, as she'll almost certainly be up again at stupid o'clock.

Pam, thanks for starting this thread.

Meant to add, thanks to DD stressing me out I decided to get some medicinal Baileys whilst shopping yesterday, and accidentally grabbed the coffee one. The blame for that lies squarely with DD.

oh i should add DD has slept for 5 hour stretches 3 times since birth and they have all been 7-12. Usually she wakes every 2-3 hours for 18 months

I am tired beyond measure but also able to cope IF i get DH to have her on a Friday evening so I can sleep :)

hmm someitmes when I reread this
I do wonder that maybe yabu

I dont think you're feeling the depth or absolute despair that I was in the posts I have written

with that you have a dh and one little 16 month old, you cant have been as utterly desperate as I was

I'm glad you're feeling better today

but I would say, I think you are mixing up frustration with 'I have fucking had it'

you're gonna need to cope with a little frustrastion to get through the next 18+ years

Again, I will say that I'm sure every parent gets frustrated but the op's threshold for frustration seems very low. Most of the other sympathetic accounts on this thread are talking about much more trying situations.

How are you going to cope when your dc is 2 and starts having proper tantrums, op? When he is three and can climb out of bed? When he is five and won't get dressed for school? Will you swear at him? I think you need to work out how to chill out.

My eldest (dd) was horrendous between 18 and 20 months - not so much in the day but sleeping totally awful - she would wake in the early hours and literally be raring to go till 5 am ... Only solution was to put her in my bed! Still got no sleep but at least was warm and lying prone!!! It passed and from about 20 mths her language took off and she started sleeping through reliably, tho she was still a pain to settle at bedtime. Then round about 22 mths she just started to be happy to settle herself at bedtime - just story kiss cuddle and close door. I thought this no less than miraculous when it happened ! I think speech has a lot to do with them being more independent and sleeping better.

Dd is 2.8 now and have Ds of 3 months.

I hate to be the boring voice of reason - but this bit you are going through is the hardest imo though not done teenagers yet. The next bit is lovely - they can wash their own hands, wipe their own bottoms, and crack jokes that have your [now knackered] pelvic floor straining . Hang on in there, it is just a stage.

Have just read tryingtoleave posts and assuming her posting name reflects her situation, I suspect she may be lashing out at OP.