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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just want to give parenting the fuck up sometimes?

150 replies

PamPerdbrat · 12/02/2012 18:21

Weekend from HELL. I cannot wait for nursery drop off tomorrow. DS is 16mo and will not stop whinging, fighting sleep, crying, moaning. DH and I are completely on our own and I have fucking had it today.

No temp, not ill.., just grumpy as fuck.

AAAARGH! What made me stupid enough to become a parent, and arrogant enough to think I could do it?!

OP posts:
ohbugrit · 12/02/2012 21:02

I so feel your pain!

DD is 17 months, delightful, charming, funny and affectionate. But holy cow she can whine for Scotland. Night after night I cook dinner with her clinging to my leg roaring at me to pick her up.

If it wasn't for the fact that DS is now 4.5 and I have that perspective to cling to I'd probably be posting the same thing as you tonight! DS was a horror at first but he's gradually turned into a sweet, helpful, talkative chap and life is just easier. I don't think I can face another simply because now I'm just counting time until DD gets to his stage and we get our life back a bit. Just now it's 24 hours of demands and we're fucked!

Hang in there. With words life gets better. Then all you have to contend with are questions like "what's a granule?" and "when is later?" Grin

ohbugrit · 12/02/2012 21:05

Liege I LOVE that song!

LiegeAndLief · 12/02/2012 21:07

Dd isi 2.6 and I still sing it to her when she's whinging. But when she was a (non-sleeping) baby I really felt it Grin

cocoachannel · 12/02/2012 21:07

Liege- I love that song!

TrinityRhino · 12/02/2012 21:11

that song is amazing, love it

maddening · 12/02/2012 21:13

are his canines in already, if not 16 mths is the average time for these teeth

Original poster
PamPerdbrat · 12/02/2012 21:20

No his canines aren't in, he's been dribbling ( he doesn't usually), and kept biting stuff at soft play. When he wakes, he is easy to settle again and goes straight back. It's just so frustrating.

OP posts:
slowburner · 12/02/2012 22:15

I have double the guilt. My DD almost didn't survive birth with a brain injury, she is under medical care and she had beaten the poor odds. She is a walking miracle.

And yet still some days I cry and cry because I just want her to be nice and quiet and sleep 12 hours and play nicely like her small cousin despite the fact that she is actually doing everything a normal toddler should and will do. DH and I took it in turns to engage her today, after a few awful months she has been gorgeous for about a month and is now throwing herself on the floor and sobbing if we even so much as say no. Or not yet. I can see all four canines about to break through, I think she also has a virus, but at times today I just wanted to leave and return to my pre baby life.

In particular having been for a lovely walk in the snow to see the horses and the river we got home, made hot drinks and the next thing would have been to curl up and watch a silly film. No. Toddler wants to feed, then kick, then throw things, then sob, then hit, then cry, then scream for half an hour etc, she has single handedly ruined this weekend for both me and DH, we never used to shout at each other and yet now it's a daily if not hourly occurrence. She makes us mean.

ohbugrit · 12/02/2012 22:43

They are a bloody test. slow, her birth difficulties must have been so hard to deal with, I can't imagine, but it doesn't remove your eligibility to feel totally done in with the toddler stuff. It isn't like this forever. One day soon she'll start to make sense to you. It does get easier.

bejeezus · 12/02/2012 22:51

See, I read threads like this and I don't believe that you all REALLY feel the same desperate homicidal dark thoughts that I do about my children, that I must be off the end of the spectrum. Haha! That TIM Michin song has proved to me you all really do! I'm not alone. You all REALLY are as bad as me!

Thanks leif

Bingdweller · 12/02/2012 23:10

On the bright side, he will be at nursery tomorrow and there are two of you and one DC. I am adjusting massively to DH working offshore for 6 weeks at a time and two pre-schoolrs - huge shift in dynamic with one of me & two little terrors!

In fact, I now enjoy my two days of work hugely and don't feel guilty at all at putting my wilder one (the 2yr old) in nursery 1.5 days on my days off!

YANBU. Toddlers are bloody hard work. especially when they pay you up to a dozen visits a night in the hope of getting in to your bed

TrinityRhino · 13/02/2012 00:28

Bejesus, I thought the same for a long time. When I was just moderately close to the edge I used to,hopelessly, sing a lullaby to them that was mainly 'shut the fuck up and sleep, I love you but fucking stop it' in a wonderful Mary popping sing song voice.

I used to think I can never tell people. Because I must be the only mother in the world to do it Blush

thecook · 13/02/2012 01:10

Aw I am sorry you feel that way. I do not have kids and have never wanted them to be honest. I know from hearing from friends who have kids how hard it can be. That is why I always offer to babysit to give them a break - and I would not expect to be paid. Just like to help.

thecook · 13/02/2012 01:12

Aw I am sorry you feel that way. I do not have kids and have never wanted them to be honest. I know from hearing from friends who have kids how hard it can be. That is why I always offer to babysit to give them a break - and I would not expect to be paid. Just like to help.

startail · 13/02/2012 01:29

It gets better really it does.
Small toddlers are horribly hard work. They can't tell you what's wrong, but they can moan very loudly. They have very little sense and get bored and frustrated very easily. They just don't have the language and the understanding not to be very wearing.

DD1 was very hard work from the day she learnt to crawl until she started nursery at 2.9 and her sister came along when she was 3.
She was into everything, climbed everything and ran off the second you didn't have her on reins.

However, she instinctively knew the baby had needs she didn't, she let me BF and stopped vaporising when we were out.
No she didn't stop fiddling with everything, but she became much less exhausting.
DD2 never has been, she played with toys and didn't vanish and would entertain her self.
Now DD1 is a delightful 14 and DD2 well the jury's still out. She'll probably be much more of a pain.

tryingtoleave · 13/02/2012 01:48

Well, I will be the first to say yabu.

You have one 16 month old, who goes to nursery, sleeps 14 hours a night and has a long nap and you get this angry with him when he has a bad day? That doesn't seem right to me. I would try to find some patience before you hit the twos.

And, yes, a second child would definitely be a mistake.

PushyDad · 13/02/2012 01:49

DC2 use to cry a lot. I pick him up and he would be fine but as soon as I put him down, off he went again. Both of us were working and with had DC1 to look after as well so some days we were so fed up that we put him in a room on his room and let him cry and cry. 'Lucky' for us the house was big enough for that to work.

We later found out that he had collic (i think that is how you spell it) and was in pain - that was why he cried so much. It is 9 years on and I still feel so terrible for ignoring him to cry.

I suggest that you Google the subject and see if the symthoms apply. Basically, imagine the feeling if you were to drink a whole bottle of fizzy pop and you couldn't burp.

MsIngaFewmarbles · 13/02/2012 03:05

Oh I do feel for you, DD2 did this a lot at that age and I NEVER realised that it was a cold/teething/chicken pox Blush

I have found the reason for having more than 1 DC (for me anyway) is that after a couple of nightmare babies/toddlers (who are now 9 and 8) I had my reward, DS. You know that angelic toddler that always says please and thank you, waits their turn, shares nicely, eats and sleeps well? Well that is him. His DSises have done an amazing job training him Grin

Seriously, it may be the start of a virus, it may be teething, it may be a frustration phase, but just remember the mantra 'this too shall pass'. Occasionally it might even work.

Original poster
PamPerdbrat · 13/02/2012 07:22

Oh do fuck off tryingtoleave have a medal btw, because you must be the first parent ever not to get frustrated when parenting a toddler. I am allowed to have an outlet somewhere. And if you read the thread; clearly I'm not angry at him; I'm exasperated with the situation. Actually, I'll come to your house and follow you about for the next few days moaning, fighting sleep and throwing tantrums, shall I? And then I'll tell you to get a grip when you dare to get tired and a bit teasy.

OP posts:
Original poster
PamPerdbrat · 13/02/2012 07:28

Add message | Report | Message poster motherinferior Sun 12-Feb-12 18:43:51
Does it help to know we're all assuring you that we've felt like that?

Looks like you're the only decent parent here then trying

OP posts:
bejeezus · 13/02/2012 07:59

PD I don't think toddlers suffer from colic? Isn't that all cleared up by 3-6 months?

PushyDad · 13/02/2012 08:19

Toddlers don't. U r right. OP's DC is too old for it to be collic.

RealLifeIsForWimps · 13/02/2012 08:25

OP I could have said exactly the same yesterday. It was like being stapled to a mosquito for 12 hours. Ds is 17mo and I swear only stopped whinging when he was asleep. Actually, that's a lie. He was happy when i let him watch Chuggington but then I feel bad about that because I feel I shd be doing activities with him. So I take away the Ipad and take him to the park, where he whines for an hour, or get his duplo out which he then just throws everywhere in a paddy and I wish I hadn't bothered.

I then feel like a failure for letting it get to me.

Anyway, my friends with older children tell me it passes.

Original poster
PamPerdbrat · 13/02/2012 08:33

That's it reallifeisforwimps! It's just he's been poorly with 2 different things 2 weeks in a row, then he started to get better and now teething/general grumpiness strikes! I'm fine again today, and will be again for another few months; just once in a blue moon it all hits me on the wrong day and instead of getting on with it, I want to curl up into a ball and cry!

OP posts:
spewgloriousspew · 13/02/2012 08:35

In case you're still reading this. Pam, you I completely know where you're coming from too. Our son is only 9 1/2 months old, so many more months of merry hell to come. We've also had a shitty weekend, with next to no sleep.