To tell all those of you who only post on AIBU that there is a whole world of very specific boards on Mumsnet for you to post on?

[BIWI]

MNHQ have, over the years, very kindly created any number of different boards to reflect the many and varied interests that Mumsnetters have.

Anything from pets to health to relationships to gay children to education to things for sale to comments on site stuff to general chat, etc etc.

So why, oh why, do you persist in only posting in AIBU?

Yes, lots of people have hidden aibu, which makes for a bit more of an oldies/newbies atmosphere.

I don't like the chuck everything in aibu mentality at all. It's supremely arrogant. MN is a community and while some people are endeavouring to use it in the way it is set up, others are completely oblivious to the needs of other people or the shared rules which help the site make sense. One, people choose to hide topics for a reason. Some people have triggers which they don't want to be confronted with so they hide relationships or general health and then people put their queries into aibu, falsely dressed up as belonging there. Two, the belief that your query deserves more traffic and more attention and therefore you use the topic in order to achieve it is extremely annoying. I'm not talking about needing quick help and replies, I'm talking about people frothing about dogs. Three, the mentality on aibu is ignorant. There are posters who geniunely don't realise what they're doing when they post in aibu looking for actual help and support and are virtually beaten with biscuits and yawns and passive aggressive asides.

I liked it when aibu was a question we inserted ourselves, not a topic which spread like a disease across MN.

And contracting everything down to whether or not something is reasonable is so achingly dull that I could cry. Who the actual fuck cares if somebody else's thought processes are reasonable? I care if people are being damaging or abusive or hilarious or incoherent or any number of interesting things. And I like it when we can come to conclusions about things through original thought or unguided discussion, not through the instruction given in the topic title. This all pervasive interest in being reasonable is unreasonable in itself and I hate myself for having to declare it either way.

Talk about arrogant, ShowofUnblestAnds... I've seen - this week - threads on 'Relationships' that were worse bunfights than any seen here. That's the board that's supposed to 'support', no? Ignorance abounds everywhere.

Many of the posters here are just as capable of posting to help and do so, on a frequent basis. You're talking about 'people', not a board. AIBU isn't inhabited by trolls anymore than any other board. It has a cross-section of people.

If there isn't the traffic on the other boards then ask yourself why people don't want to post there. It isn't that AIBU is te first board people go to. I've never been on a new site and jumped in, I always looked around first to see what's what.

MNHQ will never get rid of AIBU because of the traffic, despite the 'prefect-wannabes'. Perhaps they cringe as much as I do when they see posters trying to 'lay down the law'.

So... if you're not liking the ignorami on AIBU, there are lots of other quieter boards for you to frequent, no? Don't let the door hit you on the arse, yadda yadda...

Showy, I don't always declare myself either way in AIBU! I'll post a considered response, but quite often forget or can't decide on the BU or NBU so don't mention it. Never been a problem :)

I said that yesterday, Thumbwitch... I never remember to say - and I don't care - nobody else does either.

I rarely post in aibu and precisely because of the way people speak to each other for holding a different opinion. It polarises debate like no other topic. "So... if you're not liking the ignorami on AIBU, there are lots of other quieter boards for you to frequent, no? Don't let the door hit you on the arse, yadda yadda... " is a good example of this (and you seem to be 'laying down the law' quite ironically).

I didn't say people couldn't be supportive on aibu. I didn't say there wasn't ignorance across the boards. I didn't say a thing about trolls. I was talking in general terms about why I don't like what aibu has done to MN.

And you might look around a board first before posting. I've seen countless people admit they found aibu first and stayed there. Fair enough. But for swathes of people aibu = mn and I think that's a sad reflection on what is actually a rather marvellous site. The ruthless and to the point attitude I like. I used to like the question aibu when it was used before the topic's inception. I am allowed to dislike what aibu has become.

Thumbwitch, I'm not being as ridiculous as to suggest every poster in aibu is behaving a certain way. I post in aibu, most MNers probably do. I'm talking in general terms about what aibu seems to be becoming. The way it is perceived by some people. Considerate, kind posters are considerate kind posters, regardless of topic. The very fact that aibu comes with a disclaimer about bunfights signposts what it has become. Doesn't mean it can't be other things as well. The thread is specifically about putting things in aibu which really shouldn't be there and why people do it and why others don't like it. Not a character assassination of every person ever to post in aibu.

I think you'll find that most people here don't post aggressively. Your post, whatever you say, is provocative and I found it quite arrogant really and posted accordingly. I'm irritated at the multiple postings suggesting that AIBU is the 'dregs' of MN; it isn't.

You questioned the responses that people give here, suggesting that only on other boards were measured replies possible. That's incorrect but as you say, you don't post in AIBU often.

People have the right to post where they want to and, with conditions, what they want to. It's disingenuous of you to project your dislike of AIBU into some kind of 'sad reflection' of a marvellous site, suggesting that it's AIBU that has wrought this change. You're entitled to your opinion and I'm entitled to challenge it.

You'll get an echo of what you post, I think, I find that pretty much on every board, including AIBU.

The thread is specifically about putting things in aibu which really shouldn't be there and why people do it and why others don't like it.

I didn't read the OP that way - she asked why people only post in AIBU.

Hmm. I am tempted to say nothing now in case it is taken the wrong way, as my last post clearly was. But shall just post this and leave it now. :(

Sorry, Thumbwitch, I thought you were talking about not putting YABU or YANBU... I obviously misunderstood.

Totally agree with Hecate @ post 09:43:09

Though to be fair, you'll find me in whichever hotel room the alcohol's in

Really I think where people choose to post, is only an ishoo for a tiny minority of people.

Perhaps they should get over it and concentrate on their own choices?

Worra. If we all got over ourselves and concentrated on our own choices, MN would Pfft and disappear . We only live to judge.

Thumbwitch, sorry. All I was trying to say was I don't think just because a post is in aibu or you post in aibu you are ignorant. I always like reading your posts. I was confirming that I think your posts are considered and lovely regardless of where they are. Like I said, general terms.

Yes people can post what they like in whatever way they like. But we are a shared community. And we don't use textspeak and it's gently and not so gently pointed out. We don't troll hunt. Also pointed out. And we don't do personal attacks. And we don't moderate etc etc. I also used to think years ago that we don't contract things down to a single polarised debate. I liked the variety and knowledge I found on MN. I find aibu a negative addition to mn. Lots of people agree with me. Lots don't. I'm merely explaining why I feel the way I do. I didn't suggest for a second that people only post measured responses in other topics. Again, general terms. But it's very hard for me to make general statements about why I don't like a specific aspect of the site without somebody taking offence and thinking I'm saying I don't like the way they post.

I do post in aibu a lot actually. I don't start threads in aibu when I want support. I read aibu as much as if not more than other topics as I use active convos and it's riddled with aibu so I'm not unfamiliar with the topic at all.

I'm not explaining myself well at all. I have had literally no sleep since yesterday morning and I'm merely trying to explain what I think are the negative aspects of aibu.

Good point, well mad Sue

Fuck! I meant made

Oh well....

OK, I shouldn't be sensitive, my fault.
Lying - that was what I was saying
Showy - don't worry, I was just :( that you appeared to think I was suggesting you were ridiculous, which you weren't. I was just trying to stop you hating yourself if you had to pick between BU or NBU by saying you don't need to choose every time.

Shake? :)

Well Mad is also a good point

I think if someone's looking for advice, it's understandable that they'd want to use a board where they 'know' most of the posters...because that way you sort of feel more comfortable if that makes sense?

I think that's why so many people jiggle their thread title to make it look like they'r asking AIBU?

And it's also why many of us forget to say YABU or YANBU because it's obvious that's not really what they're asking.

I know MNHQ are in charge here, but at the same time I think the poster needing advice is the best judge of where they're going to find it.

Don't get the problem really. I've posted in other topics & had to bump then give up. I'm not asking for advice for the sake of bloody asking, I want a response, so I come here.

I'll post in pregnancy, because that is where I'll get a relevant rational response. Agree with other posters that certain areasseem to require a formulaic response, eg relationships, & I must've missed that lesson.

Too many other topics.

Does that help? Do you feel better at all?

I'm lazy and don't want to spend half my life trailing through numerous fora. If there was one education forum, one childrearing forum etc I might be more inclined to browse, but there are too many of them and life is too short. I don't really understand what your problem is. Why does it bother you if threads aren't neatly divided into topics?

AIBU has more threads because people use it for none AIBU topics. If people used the correct topics more of them would be busier and the whole of MN would be more evenly balanced. AIBU as a more traffic topic has become self-fulfilling.

I disagree

I think if everyone used the correct topic, the board would be dead all over

Completely diluted

How so?