not to have a plan about baby crying..

[stella1w]

He's seven months.. cries a bit before naps, but goes off quite quickly. At night, another story.. down at 7.30pm, forty mins later awake, I settle him, down for 30 mins, awake.. He's been crying now for about forty mins. Not loudly, just kind of grizzling, but it doesn't sound like he's getting any sleepier.. Usually I would just go in and lie down with him to get him to go back to sleep but if I do that now, I won't get up again for the evening and I am fed up with going to be so early with the house in chaos. I'm not in favour of cry it out, but at a practical level, I don't think I can carry on like this every evening.

I'm prepared to be flamed, but, if he's just grizzling I would leave him for a bit. I just did this with my 4 month old and she dropped off in about 4 minutes. I know plenty of people who would have been in the room going sshhhhsshhh, but I now that would make my DD more awake, not sleepier. If she were crying of course I would go in and pick her up/feed her/change her or whatever necessary, but i've already done that tonight and I know she's just tired right now.

Do what you feel is right.

mmm.. it's the kind of grizzling he makes before dropping off for naps - but that lasts ten mins usually. But at night, like tonight.. it can go on forever.. about 45 mins now.. He doesn't sound distressed.. just persistent.

I would go and check on him.

He could be coming down with something/teething.

If he wont settle in 10mins or so I would consider calpole (if it makes no difference then you know its just moaning and not pain).

My youngest always has a bit of grizzle before she goes down for a sleep, but I always check up on her if its been going on for longer than normal

When DD was little I just used to go in and stroke her head until she fell asleep. However I am a big softie and couldnt do cry it out personally. It always works and she is an excellent sleeper now so I dont believe all that rod for your own back stuff.She does 6.30 - 6.30 at least every night now.

OK.. I am going in!

He's 7 months old and he's been crying for 40 minutes and you've just left him?

Words fail me.

Sorry - I'll be hung - babies cry - let them. You know the difference between 'in pain' and other sorts.

Those last two posts sum up just how different attitudes can be! And why motherhood is a minefield of wondering whether you're doing the right thing.

OP - there are a couple of threads in 'bottle and breast feeding' and 'sleep' at the moment that may help. Have a look there if this is a regular thing (for me, it's a very regular thing) [smilw]

I know some babies grizzle for a few minutes on their way off to sleep. But over 40 mins? Ffs.
I know you're finding it hard, but I really think you will make it worse if you don't give attention to a crying seven month old.

Are you saying thwt if a 7 month old baby is not in physical pain you just ignore the only means of communication he's got? What sort of message is that sending him about his place in the world, his value and how people feel qbout him?

I don't think any controlled crying methods would recommend 40 mins of crying at a young age.
Perhaps the OP means he has been crying on and off for that time?

this is why it's important to trust your instinct, and assess the situation each and every time. I'm not in favour of saying "i believe in them crying it out" (i don't) or, "I always do x y z"

OP, it won't be every evening, it will change at some point. You're doing a good job, have patience. Don't let the seekers get you down.

What, by telling it like it is?

Thats why I said a mother can distinguish between an in pain cry (I omitted a need a feed cry/dirty cry etc) as opposed to a grizzle. Same way you can tell your own baby from a differnet one. Instinct.

If he was just grizzling, wouldn't he have got bored and fallen asleep by now? I am surprised to find myself in a MN minority on the issue of letting a baby cry for so long alone.

I wouldnt leave a baby crying for that long, and I work with children and would never leave a child to cry for that long regardless of it being grizzling or not. I dont agree with it personally or controlled crying in any form but I know others disagree.

I just fed mine to sleep every night, and whenever she woke.

My youngest was like this until he was about 18months old and didn't sleep through until he was 3!

I couldn't do controlled crying, I simply couldn't do it (I did a bit of it with eldest and it worked a dream) and he simply didn't get it. So we co-slept, it wasn't ideal but we both got much needed sleep without the trauma. I slept with him in his bed (so he was in a single bed quite young) and would sneek into mine around 2am... just for a cuddle with DH more than anything (thank god he's a night owl).

There are a few solutions, try them all!

Seeker, genuine questions here, because I'm baffled by your posts: what sort of message should a 7 month old baby be getting about his place in the world? What is the value of a 7 month old baby? And what should he feel about what people think about him?

Surely at 7 months a baby doesn't really have any 'value' (beyond the human rights kind that every 7 month old baby has, and the place s/he has in his family's heart) or any place in the world? Certainly not one that's independent of his mother/father/carer/whoever is putting him first. At 7 months (in fact, for a lot longer I would venture), surely his value lies almost entirely in his potential?

Why critically question the OP for allowing her baby to grizzle for 40 mins of a night? Do you think this translates into neglect? Or that OP doesn't have in mind a way of ensuring that not only her baby but also she and the rest of her family (all 'valuable' people) can get on with their lives too?

These are genuine questions, I look forward to being elucidated. I've never come across this sort of approach before, and would be happy to understand it better.

is he in the dark at night? Maybe a nighlight?

is your putting down routine the same at night as for naps?

OK... for the record.. I am not in favour of controlled crying... I usually feed to sleep... tonight I thought I would see if he could settle himself.. (after two goes of going in as usual). Honestly, he wasn't crying in distress or pain, just kind of moaning exactly like he does just before he falls asleep at nap time.. the sound didn't escalate and it kept getting a bit quieter and quieter so I kept thinking - any minute now, he will fall asleep.. but he didn't until I went in.
I've tried pick up, put down and that totally aggravates him. So Okay, from now on, it's back to cosleeping, feeding to sleep..

If he is grizzling leave him, if he is screaming go to him. If he won't settle and still screams leave him for 5 min intervals until he goes to sleep. IME only

Mine both made all sorts of racket before they finally went to sleep and still do at 2 & 6 yo. Singing, talking, calling down etc

i would also leave him as he is only grizzling

It's a while ago, but I think DS was like this at that age. I just used to cuddle him and watch telly. Endless telly. I saw the whole of The House of Elliott on Freeview thanks to DS! That way he had physical contact but not stimulation from my attention, if that makes sense, and that seemed to be what he needed. He was teething nasty teeth at the time, I think.

It's tough, isn't it? But it's such a short time, in a whole life. Hang on in there. This too shall pass.

I hope he is ok? no harm done in letting a baby grizzle once certain it is not pain or soiled (or hunger). But by grizzle I do not mean crying. I is easy enough to distinguish if you know your baby and give him the chance to learn to express his needs. I have never understood those mothers who rush at the first squeak...sometimes a baby just makes a bit of noise then nods off again...they need to be given the chance to manage that surely if they don't nod off they will soon let you know you are needed.