Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

not to have a plan about baby crying..

135 replies

stella1w · 08/02/2012 21:19

He's seven months.. cries a bit before naps, but goes off quite quickly. At night, another story.. down at 7.30pm, forty mins later awake, I settle him, down for 30 mins, awake.. He's been crying now for about forty mins. Not loudly, just kind of grizzling, but it doesn't sound like he's getting any sleepier.. Usually I would just go in and lie down with him to get him to go back to sleep but if I do that now, I won't get up again for the evening and I am fed up with going to be so early with the house in chaos. I'm not in favour of cry it out, but at a practical level, I don't think I can carry on like this every evening.

OP posts:

perfectstorm · 09/02/2012 23:32

Straw man followed by selective quotation! Would you like a Bingo card?

"Honestly, he wasn't crying in distress or pain, just kind of moaning exactly like he does just before he falls asleep at nap time.. the sound didn't escalate and it kept getting a bit quieter and quieter so I kept thinking - any minute now, he will fall asleep.. but he didn't until I went in."

seeker · 09/02/2012 23:47

Bizarre that you're calling straw man just after the stupid comments about ff and c sections and purses..........

SlinkingOutsideInFrocks · 10/02/2012 00:56

Seeker, what's your problem?

The OP seems like a far more caring person than you do - you'll have to forgive many of us for not being tempted over to your way of doing things as you set a very aggressive, bullish example.

This is not about being worried about a small baby, since you didn't even bother to offer up any advice until pushed - it's about point-scoring and making yourself out to the 'perfect' parent.

tigerlillyd02 · 10/02/2012 03:13

I may be misunderstanding here but grizzly to me is not crying and not anywhere near crying, so therefore I fail to see the problem. Grizzling is just making a few noises and not being entirely settled. With the amount of times I classed DS as grizzling and therefore attended to him I'd have never got anything done, as even when he was asleep he'd wake up, make a few noises (not crying), possibly to see if I was up yet and then drift back off again.

SouthStar · 10/02/2012 04:00

Stella1w, you would be able to tell if he was in any sort of distress, he's your baby you know him best.
I Personally think the most likely cause of his continued grizzling is because he is thinking 5 more minutes of this and ill be snuggled up with mum! The fact that he stops when you go in shows he isnt ill or hungry or soiled, he just wants his mum, which is great but you need time to yourself and you wont be doing yourself any favours in the long run!

MamaMaiasaura · 10/02/2012 07:13

Why is actually wrong with a 7 month old baby wanting its mum? How very odd our society is to encourage patents to leave their child to cry in order to all them to tend to more important tasks such as "me" time. No wonder so many are lacking in empathy and are focused on their own needs.

I don't really care if I'm flamed, I just find it all very strange how so many people encourage a baby to be left to CIO "for their own good". Fucking madness IMO. But then if I dare suggest that ignoring your child's needs it makes me a weird hippy parent, thorn so be it. But I'll not be sheep pressured by society to ignore my maternal instinct.

LovesBeingWearingSkinnyJeans · 10/02/2012 07:19

Ok the op said he wasn't crying, he was making noise and I know exactly the type of noise she means. It's tge same noise tgat has me at the door with a do-I-don't-I thing going on.

Op hope he went off in the end.

thefurryone · 10/02/2012 09:47

Mamamaiasaura The OP hadn't left her baby to CIO.

Have you ever actually had a baby that wakes up hourly or more during the night? DS did this for about two months, I almost lost my mind, it wasn't a case of wanting some me time, more a case of wanting to get rid of the feeling that if I just threw myself under a bus the pain of sleep deprivation would end. I didn't let DS CIO as I found other ways to cope, but I can fully understand why people do.

igggi · 10/02/2012 10:04

What a strange thread.
Unfortunately they OP didn't link to an mp3 file of the noise her baby was making. Instead she somewhat confusingly has talked about "crying" and subsequently "grizzling". How she should react obviously depends on which one it was.

recall · 10/02/2012 10:39

I agree with Mamamausaura, I learnt by the time I got to my 3rd to forget me time, in fact the best way to get some peace is to cuddle her until she drifts off. This time is so precious when they are young, what is wrong with cuddling them when they are grizzling ?

What other species of mammal don't sleep with their young ?

seeker · 10/02/2012 11:31

"Have you ever actually had a baby that wakes up hourly or more during the night? DS did this for about two months, I almost lost my mind, it wasn't a case of wanting some me time, more a case of wanting to get rid of the feeling that if I just threw myself under a bus the pain of sleep deprivation would end. I didn't let DS CIO as I found other ways to cope, but I can fully understand why people do."

No- and it must have been awful. But neither has the OP!!!

thefurryone · 10/02/2012 11:50

No- and it must have been awful. But neither has the OP!!!

That was in response to the general smug, I'm superior because I don't leave my baby to CIO in order to do my nails tone from, Mamamaiasaura. Wanting a bit of peace and quiet at the end of the day doesn't make you a bad mother, it just makes you human.

seeker · 10/02/2012 11:55

Why is it smug to say I don't leave my baby to cry? And how would one say it un-smuggly?

seeker · 10/02/2012 12:00

And actually, in my experience, the bewt possible way to get babies to sleep, and therefore to get "me time" is to follow the line of least resistance qnd feed to sleep or co sleep. It's the rigid routine rod for your on back brigade who seem to spend the evenings running up and down stairs and timing rapid return and all the rest. Us hippy types have fed the baby to sleep in the family bed and are downstairs half way down a bottle of wine and shagging on the sofa by the time the GF people have timed 45 minutes of controlled crying.

thefurryone · 10/02/2012 12:03

It's smug to imply that you are superior and a better parent because you find the thought so unbearable.

Don't get me wrong I don't think CIO is a particularly great option, I just think people are sometimes slightly too quick to judge other people's parenting, often when their own child didn't have any particular problem in that area. Although it's easy to be oversensitive about such matters, I was convinced everyone thought I was a terrible mother because DS wouldn't sleep properly.

thefurryone · 10/02/2012 12:08

Well I was feeding DS to sleep and every time he woke up and that wasn't my experience. Now that we have a bedtime routine, that whilst not rigid, is the same every night, his sleep is much improved, there is no crying involved, although he occassionally has a little grumble pre-sleep, which is a perfectly normal thing for a baby to do!

recall · 10/02/2012 13:02

LOL @ Seeker I totally agree !

MamaMaiasaura · 10/02/2012 17:00

Thefurryone - it wasn't aimed at OP just the way discussion was going. I already posted to OP who has said she wouldn't want to do CIO

perfectstorm · 10/02/2012 17:14

"Bizarre that you're calling straw man just after the stupid comments about ff and c sections and purses.........."

It's the difference between "jokes" and "serious statements in furtherance of a debate", seeker. Some people have this thing called a sense of humour. Perhaps you should look for one on Ebay?

I attachment parented, co-slept and wore my own baby. That does not mean I think sanctimonious judgemental self-congratulation on such methods of childraising are either acceptable, or unworthy of challenge. A parent asking for support doesn't need or deserve that kind of nonsense, and someone offering it in the way you and coraltoes both did is deeply unpleasant and (ironically) displaying a total lack of empathy.

perfectstorm · 10/02/2012 17:17

"And actually, in my experience, the bewt possible way to get babies to sleep, and therefore to get "me time" is to follow the line of least resistance qnd feed to sleep or co sleep. It's the rigid routine rod for your on back brigade who seem to spend the evenings running up and down stairs and timing rapid return and all the rest. Us hippy types have fed the baby to sleep in the family bed and are downstairs half way down a bottle of wine and shagging on the sofa by the time the GF people have timed 45 minutes of controlled crying."

Cobblers. Like you are in a position to know the ins and outs of all families! I found no routine and feeding to sleep worked for us, but gasp not everyone in the world suits the same thing. I also know people who had no routine while they established bf, but then throve as a family once they went the routine method. Everything in me hates the idea, and that's fine, I didn't use it. But extrapolating it so everyone has to be just like me... I can't work out whether that indicates chronic insecurity or utter arrogance, quite frankly.

OriginalJamie · 10/02/2012 17:27

Seeker .you may be right, but I didn't want a baby in the bed. I could not relax and felt more anxious.

OriginalJamie · 10/02/2012 17:28

I did quite like them, otherwise .......

recall · 10/02/2012 18:03

Originaljamie I couldn't have a baby in the bed either because I am bit paranoid about SID, I have mine in the cot next to the bed. When they get older, they then come in our bed.

seeker · 10/02/2012 19:19

seeker · 10/02/2012 19:27

Oh, and I am never, ever going to agree that it's ok to leave a 7 month old baby crying/grizzling - whatever- making any noises that aren't happy ones- for 45 minutes. This does not mean that I think such a baby shouldn't be left for 1, 2, 5 or even possibly 10 minutes. But this thread is about leaving him/her for 45 minutes. And that was the point I was addressing. And I have no hesitation in saying that you shouldn't do that. I am not going to sit on the fence on this for the sake of balance, or to be accepting of differing parenting styles. It's too long.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6