not to have a plan about baby crying..

[stella1w]

He's seven months.. cries a bit before naps, but goes off quite quickly. At night, another story.. down at 7.30pm, forty mins later awake, I settle him, down for 30 mins, awake.. He's been crying now for about forty mins. Not loudly, just kind of grizzling, but it doesn't sound like he's getting any sleepier.. Usually I would just go in and lie down with him to get him to go back to sleep but if I do that now, I won't get up again for the evening and I am fed up with going to be so early with the house in chaos. I'm not in favour of cry it out, but at a practical level, I don't think I can carry on like this every evening.

I read this thread in the middle of the night in the midst of pregnancy-induced insomnia and it pissed me off so much that I've had to come back and post this morning.

Seeker, I have to say this: perfectstorm was right to pull you up on your atrocious attitude. Its inexcusable to attack someone as if they were child-abusers because they've made a careful and conscious decision about their parenting. The OP needed some support and advice, not your sanctimonious accusations. Your religiosity about your methods is completely over the top, judgemental and smug. Who are you, the Osama Bin Laden of attachment parenting? Given that you're such a perfect mummy and so in-tune with your baby, you of all people must know that a grizzle is entirely different to a cry. All babies grizzle a bit. Some babies grizzle as a way just to experiment with sounds. Many do it before they drift off to sleep, it doesn't mean they need anything. Often it means they need to be left alone so that they can drift off.

OP I hope you're okay and don't feel too attacked by this thread. Some people just get a bit carried away.

perfectstorm I have a MN crush on you. Thanks for standing up to the bullies.

Seeker FWIW I agree that 45 mins is a long time. I would recommend that the OP quietly go in to the baby's room, no lights, no eye contact, put my hand on baby's chest and go, shhh shhh shhh shhh for a few minutes. Zero stimulation, no pickups, no feeding.

I have said consistently that leaving a crying/grizzling/unhappy baby unattended for 45 minutes is wrong. I have not been dogmatic about anything else- and I am happy to remain dogmatic on that one. And I am by no means alone on this thread for saying it. I am a little puzzled that me saying it seems to have roused ire that other posters haven't, but hey ho. Comment on what you think I've said rather than on what I actually have said if you want. But I would love to seem examples of my atrocious accusations, sanctimony and Osama bin Ladin tendencies!

OP UPDATE

Sorry this triggered such a furore. Basically I usually feed to sleep, co sleep etc etc but on the night of the original post, I had done this three times and the fourth time he started grizzling, I thought I'd wait and see what would happen. I should have been clearer about the noise - it was kind of muttering, moaning, low-level grizzling.. similar to pre-nap noises.. so I kept waiting and waiting to see if he would go off by himself.. it wasn't a deliberate CIO approach - hence post title.. so I eventually I went in, got into bed with him and off he went..
Tonight, similar thing.. but this time went in each time.. so happier baby. But (and I speak as one who coslept with DC1 for 2.5 years) I do have an issue with creating a situation where I have to be in bed with him for him to drop off - particularly if he is going to keep waking up all evening. This is not because I want to get my nails done or watch TV, but because I need a couple of hours in a day when both kids are asleep so I can get the house straight, respond to emails.
Since having had dc2 I am more in favour of routines because there is just too much to be done in a day to be totally centred round one child, but on the other hand, I also see the benefit of feeding to sleep a lot of the time!

I was reading through this thread tonight while trying to get my DD to sleep, I held her hand while reading next to her on the iPad...this thread was so long she got bored watching me and fell asleep....

So thanks everyone :)

bumble

OP - thanks for updating

HELP ME GUYS. In our desperate days of not sleeping through months we left our our baby CIO, since then my baby is not crying which really makes hard to communicate with him. I have the feeling CIO is the reason he is not crying anymore (i dont know when he is hungry, or needs cuddling, sleepy etc.). He is 6 month old now. He seems a happy baby, but i have the feeling he has no feelings for me, he does not like being in my palms etc. I am also a case of mom who had a postnatal depression (i am still on medicaments)
I want to fix this, i want to gain my sons trust back, help me how can i achieve this? I feel very bad for this whole situation and i regret A LOT that i have let him down in the past :(

karvag sorry about your PND. I'd you son is happy then I expect it's because you are in tune with him and meeting his needs so well he doesn't need to remind you. He's a settled baby/older baby now. I recommend Penelope leach your baby and child book. Be kind to yourself and he adores you xxx

thank you for the kind words. I am still concerned as he is not sleeping through the nights, he is awake sometimes for a 3 hours /wakes somewhere around 2 oclock / and does not know how to fall asleep. He wants to play if we walk in to make him sleep. Neither me and my husband we cannot get rest as the baby is awake. We cannot apply PU/PD as he is not asking for a help to sleep, but in the morning we are all sleep deprived including the baby.

Its very normal not to sleep through the night at 6 months, though obviously being up and ready for a play is not what you need!
Might I suggest you start a thread in the sleep section, you will get more responses specific to your own problem - I'm sure lots of people will have tips.