To wonder why SAHPs enable their OH to 'do long hours' and 'travel a lot'

[ChristmasPlughole]

OK so it is a thread about a thread but on the SAHPs don't earn the income, their dps do thread, lots of mners are saying 'dp can only earn lots of money if I stay home with the kids so they can travel/ work late'. And the implication is that's OK as they earn lots of money.

But why? Would't you rather have less money but bring your children up together?

What is the extra money for?

It's an honest question, I have friends who are almost 'single parents' during the week and their dps travel a lot too. And they have lots of money. But it seems such a lonely existence.

(I am asking about couples who choose to have one high earning parent - not couples who work all the hours god sends to survive).

I don't get it. I love dp and would hate him to do long hours and have two weeks go past before we spent a nice evening together.

It seems so Victorian.

Mrsruffallo- they don't want to, thank you very much!

Yes, education is way down on my prority list. Behind smoking in fact.

seeker- I have got the giggles now

Goodness what a judgy thread.

Each to their own I reckon. Every household has different circumstances and values.

"Traveling in your job does not automatically equate to high pay. "

THANKS. this thread really annoys me!!!! DP is SAHD and I have the long hours/travel role. expect I tend to do early mornings (rather than late nights) and travel 2-3 times a month only.

But I am doing this to PAY THE THE FUCKING MORTGAGE. our kids dont go to private school, and we are not minted in any way

there is a recesson, people need to work

and now it NOT the best time for most people to start asking for work life balance etc

When I said my DP makes ok money but none spare...private education wasn't really what I meant either, lol

We're not on the breadline, but I couldn't afford private education

I enable my DP to work stupidly long unpredictable hours because he loves his job. At 35 he haddock finally found something he loves and is fulfilled by and is good at. It's not about £, we are as broke as ever. He could go back to one of the dull, back breaking jobs he did for £15k (and was obviously lucky to have anyway) and tax credits would mean our income was the same. He would get more time with the DC but not that much more anyway.

I am graduating this year and will be looking for a "proper job" for the first time and DPs hours will strongly limit what I can do. But, he would have been happy to the same for me, but Accidentally landed a career he loves while I have been studying .

What will set the cat amongst the pigeons is if I find something i love equally and want the chance to be able to be the one who can put in the extra hours needed to impress. The hours in DPs job are standard for his industry..... We shall see what happens over the next few months

Haddock

You're married to a haddock???

Totally agree about long hours and working away a lot not necessarily = high pay

Clearly my chosen field won't be copy reading. Bloody phone

It's a long way tho those spawning grounds in the Arctic.....

Because they are part of a domestic unit, they consider themselves a team and it works for them. And they don't believe that they will ever stop being part of that team.

For nearly 60% of couples, that's true and it works out just fine.

For the others, women who have done this, have the unfortunate discovery, that investing in someone else's career rather than your own, is not usually a very good investment. Men who have done this also find this out, but they are usually welcomed back into the employment market with slightly more fanfare than are women.

I don't think it's unreasonable for women to do this. The odds are not that good that it will work out, but they're good enough for most people and people are notoriously optimistic about the risks of bad things happening to them, like illness or family breakdown. And the logic for doing it, is often inexorable. You have to be really really committed to having a different way of parenting and working, to not prioritise one parent's career over the other, because of the way the workplace is structured.

At 35 he haddock finally found something he loves

Sounds a bit fishy to me....

In the cod light of day, maybe I am just a thankless prawn in his career game.

LOL at the idea that teenagers and young twenty-somethings are going to want to spend time with newly-retired parents.

Who has children like this? Give me some tips - my twelve year old is beginning to get to the stage of briefing me about my clothes, language and behaviour when I am about to appear in public with him, I expect by the time he's 17 I will not be allowed to actually appear out with him unless I am in heavy disguise or am purely in the role of unpaid chauffeur who is not allowed to utter a word unless it's the PIN number of my credit card. I'm planning to go full time at that stage.

How many people choose to be a SAHM to invest in the other partners career though? Don't they just feel it is a better decision for the family at that point?

LOL at the idea that teenagers and young twenty-somethings are going to want to spend time with newly-retired parents

If they retire to St Anton maybe, but retiring to Farts-On-Sea or Dordogneshire won't do it....

My 17 year old is quite happy to be seen with us and to allow his friends to talk to us.

It happened in the last 3 months or so. I look forward to a continued drain on our food budget for some time

I was a SAHM and am back working part time but only because

1. school opened a nursery which offered subsidised childcare for aged 2+

2. DP crucified himself for several years getti g his business established and I dealt with kids. Now he has flexibility to take/ get kids from school when I am working.

3. there was a job I could do with hours that fitted.

I wish there was universal cheap childcare available in the UK - it's a the cost is a major barrier to women returning to work

(although obvs it's much more fun to imply that SAHM are selfish, spoilt wasters)

I don't know what you class as high earners, do you mean 6 figure salary type thing? or anyone in the over 43k tax bracket

I have worked full and part time since we had children, I have picked up most of the childcare because my husband always earned more and it seemed sensible but then our eldest was diagnosed with severe and complex disabilities and one of us had to step up to their caring obligations and that was me. We have had to move about for my husbands work as well and I have to be honest and say it is not the life I would have chosen for myself and it actually makes me feel uncomfortable. That said I am hardly one of those women in Country Living magazine and my husband unfortunately doesn't earn a six figure salary