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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want to go on holiday with friends?

54 replies

veryworried29 · 07/02/2012 21:32

Oh dear, lovely and enthusiastic friend has invited us to go on holiday with them.

Really don't want to.

Advice on how to say thanks but no thanks?

(Am veteran of 5+ years. If anyone thinks I'm trolling due to namechange, feel free to ask a Mnet general knowledge question)

OP posts:

FiggyFloraFinching · 07/02/2012 21:33

Why don't you want to go?

pictish · 07/02/2012 21:35

Will watch with interest as have similar situation afoot.
They want us to join them for a week in Wales this summer - me no want to.

MateyMooo · 07/02/2012 21:35

we went on holiday with very good friends

they quickly became exbest friends.

i wish i could undo the holiday - i miss her

troisgarcons · 07/02/2012 21:36

Never again on holiday with friends.

iseenodavidcopperfield · 07/02/2012 21:37

Unless you holiday regularly with other friends, I would go for 'we like our holidays away to be just the family as that so rarely happens with our busy lives...'

Ragwort · 07/02/2012 21:37

Can't you be honest if she really is such a good friend, something along the lines:

'you hear so many horror stories about friends going on holiday together as a family that I just don't want to do anything to risk our friendship' - and then suggest something nice for you and her to do together (ie; lunch out or spa day?.

lesley33 · 07/02/2012 21:39

I have had great times going on holiday with friends. But I wouldn't want to go with someone who is reluctant to go on holiday with me. Just tell her nicely that you don't want to go - but arrange social stuff with ehr very soon so she doesn't feel rejected.

Popbiscuit · 07/02/2012 21:39

Don't do it.

Can you quickly book something for your own family and use that as an excuse?

LikeItsGolden · 07/02/2012 21:41

Would rather stick pins in my eyeballs.
Just make an excuse.

BillyBollyBandy · 07/02/2012 21:41

You already have plans and have booked?

Your dh won't go away with anyone but family? (I often blame dh/dps/dd's if there is something I don't want to do)

GnomeDePlume · 07/02/2012 21:42

Noooooo...

Dont ever go on holiday with people you dont normally live with. Everything will be an issue:

when to go out
when to stay in
when to get up
when to go to bed
when to eat
what to eat

Holidays are stressful. Only go on holiday with people who you can argue with.

I advise this as a veteran of many holidays with friends, DM & DPiL. Never, ever again.

GrahamTribe · 07/02/2012 21:42

We've only enough funds for one holiday this year and DH and I want to take the DC to

Kennyp · 07/02/2012 21:44

I wiukd say the same as further up here - i really dnt want us to fall out. So in the words of dragns den "i,m out".

Well, not the dragons den bit

I would never go on holidy with friends ever as i know we would fall out. But would go with enemies.

exoticfruits · 07/02/2012 21:58

Just be polite and say that it is family time and you are not one to go with friends.
I have been several times with different friends, but you have to get it right. I have several families who are very good friends, but I wouldn't go on holiday with them.
In my case it has to be people who are very laid back and are not going to quibble about little things. People with similar parenting styles who are just going to leave the DCs to play- and have DCs who do as they are told. Ones who are going to spend a similar amount of money and want to do similar things.

Vinomcstephens · 07/02/2012 22:30

Blimey, I'm evidently in the minority here cos I LOVE going away with friends! Only once had a nightmare of a time when it was me and a girlfriend away together for a week (to quote mateymoo we are now very much ex best friends) but every other time has been ace! What is it that makes you not want to go away with them? Have you done it before and not enjoyed it? I think if you have similar tastes and want the same things out of the holiday (eg do you want to linger in art galleries while they want to rave away at some euro punk festival) you should have a great time

ViviPru · 07/02/2012 22:44

If I were your friend, I think I'd be least offended if you didn't make up an excuse, but instead turned it round so the shortcoming is with you.

So if you said something along the lines of "That's a lovely idea but in all honesty, I know Mr. Veryworried and I would be nightmare company on holiday with friends. With that in mind, I'm not happy inflicting us on you as I wouldn't want to risk our friendship!" I'd be disappointed, but accept it wasn't anything personal.

Alphafemale · 07/02/2012 22:45

Just say no thanks. You don't have to give a reason! And if you don't want to, REALLY, don't do it!

HTH!

Adversecamber · 07/02/2012 22:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nothingoldcanstay · 07/02/2012 22:49

If you don't want to at this stage then it's not worth worrying about. I had the same thing last year and I just said sorry and that I liked doing my own thing. Be brutal and don't make bad excuses or she'll feel it's her not you.
However primarily my friend was looking for someone to share costs with so it was fine when she found someone else to go with and we have stayed friends. I went on holiday with other people that I could actually live with for week.

ViviPru · 07/02/2012 22:49

Lovely Enthusiastic friend:
Oh by the way, veryworried, did you have chance to think about what I said about going on holiday together? What do you reckon - fancy it?

OP:
No thanks.

The End

Really?

Happyasapiginshite · 07/02/2012 22:53

I love going on holidays with friends as long as we have separate accommodation and separate cars. We generally do our own thing during the day and then meet up in the evening. Or else do a day trip somewhere together and then our own thing for dinner that evening. Our ds was an only child for a long time so we always loved him to have company on holidays.

StealthPolarBear · 07/02/2012 22:57

Name the mner with an x in her name who is a midwife

Who's the naughty one at mnhq, who comes onto threads to delete them but then gets sucked in and ends up joining in?

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 07/02/2012 23:01

Holidays with friends are fine, as long as you are doing something - eg. skiing. and eating out all the time.

I would imagine that lolling around in a villa or similar and trying to share catering etc would be a nightmare.

Original poster

veryworried29 · 07/02/2012 23:08

Spb:

AtYourCervix

Olivia is always game for a laugh but I've noticed Helen can get sidetracked and sucked in too .

Thanks for suggestions. I note that going on holiday with friends is either a love it or hate it thing!

OP posts:

Original poster

veryworried29 · 07/02/2012 23:11

Alibaba - forget skiing and villas but think camping, in the UK, with children who don't necessarily see eye to eye and a husband who couldn't be more reluctant.

OP posts:

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