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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want to go on holiday with friends?

54 replies

veryworried29 · 07/02/2012 21:32

Oh dear, lovely and enthusiastic friend has invited us to go on holiday with them.

Really don't want to.

Advice on how to say thanks but no thanks?

(Am veteran of 5+ years. If anyone thinks I'm trolling due to namechange, feel free to ask a Mnet general knowledge question)

OP posts:

StealthPolarBear · 07/02/2012 23:13

Ok op, as you were :)

ViviPru · 07/02/2012 23:13

A husband who couldn't be more reluctant.

There you go. Right there^^. Blame him. I do would.

exoticfruits · 08/02/2012 07:42

I would imagine that lolling around in a villa or similar and trying to share catering etc would be a nightmare.

I have done this very successfully, but you have to be very careful who you choose.It worked mainly because the children all amused themselves so well-they were all young and no one had high expectations. I agree that it is easier to ski and eat out-I have done that too.
It isn't something to be persuaded into-if you have doubts don't.

MairyHinge · 08/02/2012 08:26

No,no,no,no,no,no,no.
Went away with another family we were all friends,shared a house,nightmare. She moaned constantly about her dodgy bed,sat on her fat arse all night expecting everyone else to fetch her a beer, her tablets more food tv remote.
We'd already said we would do our own thing during the day,and every second away from her was like relief from severe toothache.
You honestly never really know someone til you've lived with them for a week!
And if you oh is reluctant,you will spend the week trying to persuade him what fun you're having when actually you're really pissed off and wish you'd never bothered!
NOT WORTH IT

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 08/02/2012 14:25

Bloody hell, definitely not then.

You all have to want to do it for it to work.

Don't blame your DH though, that will just create a) bad feeling, and b) the idea that if it wasn't for him you would love to really and perhaps you could persuade him over time!

Also, I think that 'we are doing X would you like to come along' isn't the way to do things, because the inviters will feel like they are in charge which is a recipe for disaster.

miaowmix · 08/02/2012 14:33

We go every year with friends, renting adjoining villas (they own their villa), it works fantastically well. I can't see why it's a problem unless you aren't especially sociable, although camping would probably test the limits of any friendship imo.

messymammy · 08/02/2012 14:45

I was thinkning about doing it this year, having talked about it last year but never happened...hmmm, mabe I'll think again, though we have both said it is a great idea (while very drunk)

Pixieonthemoor · 08/02/2012 14:59

Oooh GreyGardens you absolutely have the right idea. Sharing a house = misery and conflict. Holidaying together but with separate accomodation = ability to get away, not be under each others feet, be as messy or not, as you wish. It is perfect!!

Also, I find that going away with people who are friends but not very very good friends is better as you still have to be nice to each other and have not reached that level of closeness where you can argue.

dreamingofsun · 08/02/2012 15:32

veryworried - camping is the one type of holiday that does actually work really well as a group for us. we've also done a cottage holiday which was a disaster. could you go for just part of the week? if the kids don't get on though you are missing one of the main benefits - ie kids always have someone else to play with at the campsite.

is this your main holiday - in which case there's more pressure for it to work - we do this as a second hol which makes the whole thing more laid back.

we have always found that having separate tents gives more flexibility to do your own thing during the day and then chill out during the evening by the barbecue together during the evening, whilst all the kids go off and play

maamalady · 08/02/2012 16:04

Wow, I'm clearly in the minority! I love going away with friends - spent a fortnight in Florida in January with five friends and DH, we all had a brilliant time. I can see how children might make things more difficult, but I can't see why spending time with your friends is anything other than brilliant?

dreamingofsun · 08/02/2012 16:17

we have 1 lovely set who take at least half the day getting ready - so you waste the whole morning waiting for them which we find a bit stressful. we have another set who insisted we visited all the places they wanted to the whole time, eat all the food i provided and didn't buy any themselves (despite us paying for the holiday cottage). sometimes it can be a bit stressful if one set of kids is allowed to do things and another set not.

miaowmix · 08/02/2012 18:48

Pixie It does work really well - kids play together, grown-ups share child-care and hang out at each other's villa's/terraces in the evenings - we maybe eat out only once or twice a week.
This is actually my best friend, we've been going on holiday since our teens!
Camping is only for the brave though imo.

DublinMammy · 08/02/2012 18:56

Have been on hols with good friends and their son (same age as mine) and it was great - we all pitched in, cooked together, took turns bathing, shopping, minded each others' kids so each couple could go out once each and got a babysitter a couple of nights - I get on very well with both her and her DH, my DH gets on very well with both of them and the kids play well. No problem.

Also went with a single friend with no kids and it was a nightmare. She smoked, starting at 8am, grumbled about being woken up early (er, what did you expect, there is a 2 year old in the house I cannot gag him), demanded to choose the "best" room (although we were organising and paying more), hardly lifted a finger to help with cooking/ chores, didn't offer to help at all with the kids (I know, her hol too but why come with a family then not help at all?) and was a PAIN IN THE ARSE. She is an ex-friend now.

I suppose, in summary, it can go either way.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 08/02/2012 18:59

Evil without kids it is a totally different ball game, going on holiday with friends is brilliant under those circumstances.
Once you have kids then you are never on holiday in the same way, until they are older at least, because they still need feeding, dressing, putting to bed etc.
I am sure it gets massively easier once they are older, but it can be hard work with little ones.
Add friends to the mix with different routines, likes and dislikes with food, rules about behaviour etc etc...

exoticfruits · 08/02/2012 19:05

DS1 was an only DC until he was 8yrs and it was perfect for him-my main reason for doing it.

Lambzig · 08/02/2012 20:07

I think it depends on the people and how you are with going with the flow and whether you have compatible age/interests DCs. Last year we went on a villa holiday with one of DH's university friends and his wife and daughter (we have a DD about the same age). I was dreading it. I like DH's friend fine, but thought he was a bit 'too cool for school' and had only met him around 10 times in ten years. I met his wife once at her wedding and once when they came round for an hour (they lived a long way away).

I had all plans of how we had to have separate cars and had to go off and do our own thing and own meals and avoid them a bit. I moaned my head off to all of my closer friends for weeks and weeks and really didnt want to go.

Do you know what, it was a brilliant holiday. We didnt do one thing not as a group. Our DD's had compatible nap time, enjoyed playing together and we had lovely lazy beach days and sight seeing and meals out and barbecues. I was completely wrong and we and are planning to go away with them again this year.

I think you have to be very compatible or very lazy relaxed types to make it work and if you know you or they arent like that, dont touch it with a bargepole.

moonblushtomato · 08/02/2012 21:03

We've been on short breaks with friends which were all lovely but I have to agree with the majority here, spending your main holiday with anyone apart from your family would not be my cup of tea.

Also all the people I know who have done the big annual holiday abroad with friends have never done it again. Funny that

mrspepperpotty · 08/02/2012 22:20

So surprised to hear so many negative views here. We've been on holiday (abroad, main holiday, shared accommodation) several times with different friends and it's always worked out really well. The DCs play together, if one of you is doing something with the DCs (eg putting them to bed) then the other has company, you can exchange babysitting and have a meal out with your DH... it's all good!

maamalady · 09/02/2012 12:35

Agreed, Alibaba, but OP didn't mention DCs, so who knows what the situation is...

Eggrules · 09/02/2012 13:35

We have been on holiday many times with our friends and their children for 2 weeks. We were always very flexible and enjoyed spending time with their children. It had always been a success until the last time we went; which will be the last time we go away together.

First time away since DS was born and we went camping. Things that hadn't bothered us before became a major pain in the arse. Being in each others pockets was all too much. They arrived early and pitched their tent so our sheltered theirs and things went down hill from the off.

I would just be honest. You could say that you love being friends but are concerned about the children getting along and/or don't like camping. Arrange for them to come over to talk about their holiday when they get back.

Original poster

veryworried29 · 14/02/2012 11:44

Ok, sad update. Have told lovely friend and she has definitely got the arse with me .

OP posts:

TheParanoidAndroid · 14/02/2012 11:46

all the more reason not to go. She's not that lovely, is she?

Woodlands · 14/02/2012 11:51

eeek... we are going on holiday abroad this summer with three other couples, we have three toddlers between us... you guys are putting me off! We have had other group holidays before, though the last time there was only one child and that was a tiny baby. Hmm!

NorthernWreck · 14/02/2012 14:25

My friend asked me and ds if we want to go camping with her , her dh and dc's, and I thought needles/pins/eyes too.

I don't really like her dc's much, and we are very different parents.

I think I said something like "Er...yeah. Maybe. I'll have a think"
And then never mentioned it again.

I'm dead brave, me.

Greatdomestic · 14/02/2012 16:18

I've gone on hols with friends a few times and it was great - going again in a few weeks.

We take turns at cooking each night and are up front about what we like to do, as are they. As long as you can be straight with each other, then I think it can really work. We've done UK camping and hols abroad and both were excellent.

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