Idiot Husband

[coffecoffe]

Just caught my husband watching porn in the living room infront of me and my 3 year old. I'm raving but he told me to get a grip.

what do you guys think????

For christs sake OP get some help and get rid of the twat, you can't live like this. Jeez.

I don't like him one bit. Don't hang on hoping the 'him' you fell in love with will come back.

It is child abuse and it matters not whether a child has seen images or not.

But it sounds as though he is abusive generally OP. This will get much worse if you stay. Leave and protect your children.

I don't understand. A couple of times on this thread, other threads have been mentioned. Along the lines of - well, on such and such a thread people thought...

but - so what? Other people who happen to use mumsnet saw a different thread and gave their opinion. Here, on a whole other thread, different people are giving their opinions - but because the opinions of these different people are somehow contradictory, this is being used as evidence of what? some wrongness? hypocrisy?

Opinions given on other threads would only mean something if it was the same people giving contradicting opinions on the same subject.

So I don't understand the references to other threads. Unless the stating of a view on mumsnet by one group must thereafter be the official mumsnet opinion held by all?

Why does what someone else said on some other thread mean that opinions given on different threads must be challenged 'because on X thread the opinion was...'

OP you need to think about what you want your life to be. Then plan from there, whether it includes your OH and if he can make changes.

I would then end this thread and start again in relationships, if you need support. All that is going to happen is the arguement whether porn should be watched with children in the room, is going to continue.

Which isn't the full issue and will cloud your other problems in your relationship.

I would just like to add that YANBU, watching a film is something that we do for lesuire. He really should be using porn as a lesuire persuit and why he would want to do that whilst you and your child are around, says more about a lack of respect and bounderies and wanting to be "the king in the castle".

Porn should only be used around fully consenting adults. There is never a reason it needs to be on around a child who is starting to make sense of their world.

OP I feel really for you.

I hope you find help and get away from him he is clearly toxic.

Don't stay for your DS's sake, he clearly is not a great dad and your DS needs a happy, healthy mum more than anything!

Put yourself and DS first and get out of there.

Good luck OP!

xx

You honestly think a 3yr old seeing porn is child abuse? WTF is wrong with some of you?
If it was an sex ed video, would that be child abuse?
I'd call starving and beating your child, abuse, not seeing two people having sex.

Child abuse? . Your DH was an idiot for watching porn whilst your DS was in the room. You should point out to him that even though your DS did not see it, he might have.

It is recognised as child abuse by all child protection agencies and is one of the factors in unreasonable behaviour petitions that is regarded as so serious that it can stand alone without having to list other examples of behaviour that no spouse could reasonably be expected to tolerate.

Watching porn on a laptop while the family is around is dumb, but child abuse? C'mon.

It's child abuse if you allow your child to watch porn. Given that your DS was about 3 foot away, it's not abuse per se but it is shockingly bad parenting.

Coffe - this man has no respect for you or your DS. He is not a good dad. Good dads don't watch porn while their children are in the room.

Yes of course it is child abuse to watch porn around children! As watching horror films is lazy parenting -
Ffs! Can't people WAIT to do these things when the children are in bed?! I have heard it all on here lately, people who can't wait to have sex so they do it whilst their child is around and playing, people watching porn or horror whilst their child is in the room... What the fuck is going on with people? What is going on in people's minds?! It is awful!

Your DS is only young Coffe, kids are resilient and he will be fine if you leave, I promise you. I waited till my DD was 5 till I left, but by then she had already witnessed far too much.

He says you'll bitch about him, because he wants to keep you quiet and not talk about what he's doing.

It doesn't matter anyway, HE is solely responsible for his actions and has no one to blame but himself.

Whatever people think the government and professional agencies define this as sexual abuse, and treat it like such if referred. After all, if he gets away with it once, who is to say he won't get blaise and take things further. And if the mother continues to let him get away with it and this comes to light, she will also be subject to the child protection process as she has failed to keep her child safe and has prioritised her partner's needs above her child's safety.

There is no "turning a blind eye" to this sort of thing, and those who are saying it is ok are wrong.

it's about context - there isn't, as some seem to think, an 'abuse' tick box. in this case i would dub it 'a bit stupid' rather than abuse

ah >so, having sex with your partner when u are near term 2 bring on the birth is ok, cos thats natural , note>i dont perhaps agree with the bloke but , are now going down the "all men are rapists /pedo route? goes 2 make coffee and wish i had not pressed post message button , but then it a forum !see ya soon

I actually find it hard to believe that some people on here think porn/sex in the same room as a child is ok and are even arguing that it is not abuse.

Tell that to some of the kids whose porn watching parents have got so sexually aroused the feel compelled to go that extra step and touch them up or rape them. Tell that to the kids who sexually abuse younger or even baby siblings after being exposed to pornography and have to go into care to protect the sibling.

For those who don't believe this is abuse, the definition of sexual abuse is below:

"Sexual abuse involves forcing or enticing a child or young person to take part in sexual activities, not necessarily involving a high level of violence, whether or not the child is aware of what is happening. The activities may involve physical contact, including assault by penetration (for example, rape or oral sex) or non-penetrative acts such as masturbation, kissing, rubbing and touching outside of clothing. They may also include non-contact activities, such as involving children in looking at, or in the production of, sexual images, watching sexual activities, encouraging children to behave in sexually inappropriate ways, or grooming a child in preparation for abuse (including via the internet). Sexual abuse is not solely perpetrated by adult males. Women can also commit acts of sexual abuse, as can other children."

Guidelines can be found here
www.education.gov.uk/publications/standard/publicationdetail/page1/DCSF-00305-2010

I'll second Hatty there.

Some parents I am involved with (who currently have all 7 of their children on the CP Register for Child Abuse) have had to have extensive work done with SS about their sexualised behaviour in front of their children - watching porn when your children are around (whether they see it or not), IS NOT what a parent should be doing and will raise some suspicions should SS be made aware of it. (This was one of many problems within the family).

And internet porn these days is rarely just "two people having sex" neutrino. It is likely to be at the "extreme" end of normal isn't it at the very least?

For heaven's sake, can't he just wait til you're out, or the kids are in bed?

Disgusting. Your DS could easily have seen it and your H knew that. Fucking twat.

yeuch! revolting man!

Leave the bastard I say!

Like I said Scrumpy - context