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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Idiot Husband

130 replies

coffecoffe · 05/02/2012 19:43

Just caught my husband watching porn in the living room infront of me and my 3 year old. I'm raving but he told me to get a grip.

what do you guys think????

OP posts:
poinsetta · 05/02/2012 21:31

I must be a complete prude but I would be gobsmacked if a partner wanted to watch porn with me in the room (unless mutually agreed beforehand) never mind in front of a child. It is wierd to even want to. Same goes for having sex with a child up and about, really wierd if you ask me.

Scrumpy132 · 05/02/2012 21:32

Sorry
www.workingtogetheronline.co.uk/glossary/sex_abuse.html

AprilSkies · 05/02/2012 21:39

Still don't get it... He didn't just click on a link sent to him? He searched it out and watched it in the same room as your dc and you? Please clarify.

Original poster
coffecoffe · 05/02/2012 22:54

It was on his search engine and he just searched on it. hes just corrected me on what the website was aswell so im now sleeping on the sofa in tears!!

OP posts:
AlbertoFrog · 05/02/2012 23:07

I find it tasteless that anyone would think of sex or porn or whatever when there is a child nearby who could see or hear said sex or porn.

But even if they don't have a problem with it themselves, to then disrespect you when you pull them up on it? I think your 'D'H has to be made to realise that his behaviour isn't acceptable and that he's upset you.

An apology and a promise not to do it again would go a long way here.

Head to bed OP and make him sleep on the sofa.

tallwivglasses · 05/02/2012 23:08

Oh coffe Sad

Has he always been such a pathetic, disrespectful arsehole or is this a new thing?

slowburner · 05/02/2012 23:22

Er. He should be on the sofa.

And if I caught my DH watching porn I'd be pissed, if i was told tip get a grip I would be beyond angry, but if I caught him (or anyone else) watching porn with my child in the room I would be concerned for my child's safety and it would be a deal breaker in the relationship.

Original poster
coffecoffe · 05/02/2012 23:23

He used to be when we first got together fell pregnant left him. was sweet for a few years then got back together got married 3 weeks ago. i cant make him go on sofa he will just scream at me as hes at work at 8 and i dont work

OP posts:
YuleingFanjo · 05/02/2012 23:25

he sounds lovely.

Original poster
coffecoffe · 05/02/2012 23:26

He wudnt go on sofa. im in tears thinking about it and how selfish he is and how he thinks he owns me now were married and he can do what he like

OP posts:
taxiforme · 05/02/2012 23:33

Sweet Jesus, you got married three weeks ago. He is using porn and screaming at you.

Have you anyone, anyone.. who can support you and chat through this with you? Have YOU anywhere to go tonight with your child? I would try and find some local support through an organisation like Woman's Aid or CAB.

mrscumberbatch · 05/02/2012 23:45

Can you live like this?? I sure as hell couldn't. Get out! While you can!!!!

runningwilde · 05/02/2012 23:58

You poor lady. Sorry but he is a sick fucking cunt. Disgusting.

Agree with TSC about the other thread too, I can't get it out of my head tbh and still feel urgh every time I think about it.

Coffee - you need to leave this sick fucker - sorry x

Original poster
coffecoffe · 06/02/2012 00:01

I now thats what a friend said. i have nowhere to go. im in bits hes a prick and theres nothing i can do about it he knows hes trapped me

OP posts:
mrscumberbatch · 06/02/2012 00:05

Have you spoken to anyone in your family about this? Woman's aid? Start making progress asap. You owe it to yourself and your dc.

Original poster
coffecoffe · 06/02/2012 00:09

I cant fault him with our ds hes a brilliant dad. just sees me as a piece of shit. i suffer from depression and he knows this and plays on it and pushes me down every second

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 06/02/2012 00:12

He isn't a brilliant dad if he exposes his DS to porn and treats his mother like a piece of shit. Your DS needs you safe and well more than he needs your H.

You need toget a nights slep and start tosort this out in the morning.

Birdsgottafly · 06/02/2012 00:13

Sorry for typos.

Original poster
coffecoffe · 06/02/2012 00:16

I want my bed im so tired so i cant be dealing with the argument will just ignore him tomorrow and crack on i have no choice

OP posts:
taxiforme · 06/02/2012 00:20

Yes I agree. If you are in no immediate danger. Get some sleep.

There is always a way, you just need to find it.

Chat to your GP, too about this turn of events- I assume you are being treated for the depression. They will have some signposting for other help.

Original poster
coffecoffe · 06/02/2012 00:26

yeah ive tried i only get it when things get really bad. i feel horrible but i just dont want too sleep next too him knowing how peacefully hes sleeping when he knows what hes done. plus we just got a boxer puppy today and shes upstairs i feel sorry for her her to

OP posts:
inatrance · 06/02/2012 00:27

Coffecoffe, I know it feels like you are trapped, but you CAN get out of this, you just need to gather support around and start planning. Can you contact any friends, relatives that you can talk to? Ring Women's Aid, get help.

He is NOT a good dad. Good Dads don't watch porn in the same room as their children or scream at their child's mother.

The way he treats you is abusive. You deserve better. Make plans, get out.

Original poster
coffecoffe · 06/02/2012 00:34

I would fell bad on my ds, he loves him so much thats whats getting me down i wud if it wasnt for ds.

OP posts:
Original poster
coffecoffe · 06/02/2012 00:36

He said i would just bitch about it too my friends then get over it!! its really upsetting me the prick

OP posts:
minimisschief · 06/02/2012 00:46

yet people didnt have a problem with having sex with a child asleep next to them in bed or in a cot in the room the other day in a thread. Because the general consensus was well they are asleep so why does it matter.

People need to calm down. it isn't abuse. The child couldnt even see his laptop screen and even if a 3 year old caught a glimpse he probably wouldnt care or notice.

i've watched violent 18 horror films on a laptop while a toddler was pottering about in the background a few times. he couldnt see or hear it. Is that abuse too?