to be frustrated when parents on playdates do nothing but play with the DC?

[Susiewho]

Or should I say dominate and interrupt their play?

I have a couple of friends who do this and it's annoying. Our DCs (around three/four years old) get together at each others' houses to play, but the other mums are all "Ooo, what shall we find to play with next? Play doh? Shall we make a den?" etc. They immediately get right on the floor playing.

Yes, when it's just you and your DC, cool. BUT when they're there to play with each other, can't we just let them get on play? I've noticed that one little girl in particular clams up a mum's in charge of the playing.

Also, please have a conversation with me, not just a few words punctuated with "Ooo, shall we have a look at this book, dear DC" type phrases?

Clearly I'm too dull to bother with and the prospect of building a Lego car with a three year old is more entertaining than chatting to me. Probably.

"Yanbu unless their child has psychopathic tendencies and can make a weapon out of a teddy bear they should let them get on with it. Kids job is to make a mess and have fun, parents job is to drink coffee, eat cake and intervene if permanent damage to house or kids seems imminent.
" rogersmellyonthetelly that so has potential to be quote of the day/material for a mumsnet book!

I go to a toddler group where all the mums sit on the floor in a circle with their DCs on their laps, it's in a bloody freezing church hall, I was the yesterday and my arse was freezing by 11 o'clock......there is just me and my friend who don't know where our our because we are busy chatting, it's the strangest set up I have ever encountered.

Bloody shitting I pad, that last post of mine makes no sense.

The other mum can do what she likes if she brings quality cakes with her, and plenty of them!! But seriously, all these posts have proved is that mums who claim their kids won't play alone, or need settling etc are in a catch 22 situation. My DS is autistic and I've always left him to it with his mates (autistic and non autistic) and he's got great social skills now.
Anyway children should want to play with other children, they are more fun than adults and an adult can't be like a child no matter how hard they try!

YABU. It's up to the individual parent to choose how to interact with their child. There's no right or wrong answer.

There is no right or wrong way to interact with your child but there is acceptable ways to behave socially imo.
If you only want to play with kids then stay at home and just invite your dcs friends over if you want to. Turning up to 'playdates' with your child or inviting kids plus parents and then ignoring the adults, as described in the op, is not on at all.

shmee, I love kids, but I couldn't eat a whole one.

BTW, I have never experienced what the OP describes, and I'm middle class. Perhaps it was invented more recently, along with baby-led weaning ("letting your child eat a banana, in my day").

Fair enough to intervene in "social-skills crises", but otherwise, let children be children together when they are together.

I agree entirely with LeQueen. You've said everything I wanted to say but couldn't quite put into words.

I have seen many threads on here discusssing mothers who sit chatting not noticing that their children are causing havoc and they are universally condemned by MNetters. Now the general consensus is that you should chat and ignore your child, so that they learn to socialise. So which is the right answer????

Wanders away baffled.

LeQueen- not necessarily. At someones house the children may have gone upstairs to play, they may have wondered into the bathroom and be chucking cosmetics all over the place (quietly ofcourse) if you are downstairs chatting you may be blissfully unaware, until the mother snubs you next time you see her because your child led her child astray and trashed her house and you just sat there chatting!!! You can't win.

Wanders away still baffled.

Ye Gods, YANBU! It's up there with the mummies who telephone you only to have a full conversation with their kids, lots of darling don't pack away the lego Eiffel Tower just yet, we want to show it to Daddy when he comes home' and darling mummy is just preparing your root vegetable bake and will serve it shortly, be a darling and go wash your hands now.

It's bloody rude and not remotely impressive. I eventually just said this is boring, gotta go.

DD often plays upstairs at friends houses. She knows that she is to play in her friends room only and not touch anyone elses stuff. If she did 'chuck cosmetics over the place' I would expect the parent to inform me and she would receive a suitable consequence and/or be told that if anything similar happened again she would have to play where I can see her.
I'm not going to hover in the doorway of her friends rooms on the off chance though.

This a v entertaining thread!!!

I always have the opposite experience at playdates - mums desperately trying to have an adult chat and ignoring kids as much as possible until it is so obvious something or someone is being damaged that a mum has to step in.

Intervention is then done as quickly as possible so we can go back to chatting again!!

I thought the whole point of a playdate is so your child/ren get to play with other children and you get to chat.

I thought the objective was for the children to meet up to play, not for the adults to have conversation and coffee... I would zoom off and expect any child-dropping-off-adult to do the same. I can then get on with my stuff whilst keeping a weather eye on proceedings... I don't particularly want to chat with parents on a 'playtime' thingie, sorry...

What ages does playtime range from? Perhaps that's the deciding factor?

Perfumed life I am so with you on the phone thing. One of my friends does that, just disappears off mid conversation when she's phoned me in the first place. I just put the phone down now.

God Schmee, you're some smug arse, do you realise? We all quite like our children too, what a bizarre stance to take

LeQueen is right. Children are often overstimulated and it is not good for anyone of any age to be hassled all the time.

YANBU! I am confused by this too. It's like the children are at nursery, the whole thing is so structured. "Let's take the craft stuff out", "Now let's clear up and read a story", "Now it's time for a biscuit and drink" etc. It's all so horribly boring, I'm sure the children think so too.

I thought the whole point was for the children to disappear upstairs (not if they're toddlers obviously, but say five and over) and trash the place play while the parents chat downstairs over coffee.

I think it depends on the kids and the situation . The kids that come round to play with DS are usually neighbours kids or kids of our friends, DS goes to nursery FT in another area so most of his playing is with a completely different set of kids. So when the kids that come round to play arrive they often aren't as immediately comfortable as someone he sees all the time so I will get down and play with them to 'warm up the situation' but then leave them to it otherwise they tend to stand there and stare at each other for ages. This doesn't happen with his good friends though they just get on with it.

I noticed this with a friends dc who was at local sure start nursery, they had amazing facilities, but from what I saw (picking dc up every day for months) the kids were never allowed to just play, there was always an adult there directing them. Funnily enough this kid never played with the other kids, but would be with the adults constantly asking for attention or for someone to play with them. Had no idea how to make dens or play make believe, dressing up yes, but not interacting with other kids in a game.