to be frustrated when parents on playdates do nothing but play with the DC?

[Susiewho]

Or should I say dominate and interrupt their play?

I have a couple of friends who do this and it's annoying. Our DCs (around three/four years old) get together at each others' houses to play, but the other mums are all "Ooo, what shall we find to play with next? Play doh? Shall we make a den?" etc. They immediately get right on the floor playing.

Yes, when it's just you and your DC, cool. BUT when they're there to play with each other, can't we just let them get on play? I've noticed that one little girl in particular clams up a mum's in charge of the playing.

Also, please have a conversation with me, not just a few words punctuated with "Ooo, shall we have a look at this book, dear DC" type phrases?

Clearly I'm too dull to bother with and the prospect of building a Lego car with a three year old is more entertaining than chatting to me. Probably.

It's frustrating isn't it MrsBeakman? I even expect my 2 year old to amuse himself for short periods of time if I have a friend round for coffee, because it defeats the object of meeting up with friends if you get no chatting time doesn't it

Aside from anything else it's fucking rude to ignore the host imo.

I think it's very telling that the people on here who say they DO get down and play with their DCs say they do it 'because s/he needs a little help' or 'because if I don't s/he gets all shy'...

Has it not occured to you that they 'need help' and 'get shy' because they have not been given the chance to develop their independence, and that they will continue to behave in that way while ever you continue to 'supervise' what they do!

It seems to me that the helecopter parents are only teaching their children to interupt, and to seek adults whenever they have any difficulites rather than find their own solutions and solve their own problems.

In our house, kids are used to hearing me say 'What's wrong, has your leg dropped off?' whenever they come near me when I've got a friend round!

Susiewho I couldn't agree more and it's truly exasperating when the DCs are primary age.
As a SAHM I wanted coffee and chat and DD1 need to practice having to be sociable and play. Given half a chance she'd wander off on her own.
DF's DD and her could rub along perfectly reasonably and both benefited from having to do so.
DF is a bit over protective and kept having to organise activities for them. They were old enough to learn a great deal more organising themselves.

Well said amistillsexy

YANBU I'd rather spend a 'playdate' chatting with the other parent!

YANBU.

And I rarely play with mine at home either, so I am probably going straight to hell.

I do activities and reading and restrict telly etc but I do not do crawl around on the floor playing. That is why I had two of the buggers - so they could do that with each other. And they do it very nicely too

YABU. I quite like playing with my DS. I've had looks and comments from other mothers and I really don't care. I'm not a fan of playdates for this very reason. I purposefully take him to softplay whenever I can and frankly, I actively discourage my fellow mum friends from coming along. I see DS for approximately 15 minutes a day during the week (and don't get every weekend with him either), so figure that I want to see as much as possible of him whenever I can.

There will one day come a time when he'll tell me to fuck off nothing will embarrass him more than his overgrown toddler-mum, but until then, keep your coffee and "adult chat" - I'd swap it around anytime for one more go with a squealing DS on a swirly-wirly slide or role-playing with Lego characters or building multi-level Brio train tracks

or they could enjoy playing with the kids. when my sons friend comes round i sit on the floor and join in with their games. its fun and alot more enjoyable than listening to the mundane twitter of adults. Nothing to do with showing off.

what are they even meant to be showing off?

It's fine if you like playing with your child, but the whole point of having other children round to play is so that they learn to interact with other children. It's very important, IMO.

YANBU the one mummy friend I had did this and I thought I was weird for not wanting to. She was really boring and self important, we don't see each other anymore. Ooh it felt nice typing that.

MiniMisschief, if you don't enjoy the mundane twitter of adults then why not just invite the children round without their parents?

I play with my children but sometimes adult play with children is too structured. It's often, "shall we do this/let's get this out" whereas letting them do their own thing, as children, helps them to be more creative, I think. I think that always having an adult to play with makes them reliant on being told what to do, which is frustrating if you are in a situation where you can't play with them eg. Doing housework.

I have a friend whose DC are 9 and 7 and she runs around playing tig etc. with them when we are out whilst I sit on my own. I've always felt somehow inadequate, but not inadequate enough to play tig myself! I'm with Maryz on the purpose of having other people's kids around!

Amaris I am slightly amused at the thought of that in my head, it must be quite awkward and embarrassing?

Well, how often do you get the chance to sit by yourself quietly and think? So there are some good things about it, but if only I'd done my pelvic floor exercises, maybe I would be more up for running around . This thread has made me feel less like a boring spoil sport though!

Ha! Maybe when this happens it could be a reminder for the pelvic floor muscle exercise, then everyone is getting a workout. I guess if you know what's going to happen you're not let down by the lack of adult conversation so it is easier.

I think I got so pissed off upset because I was hoping for a new friendship rather than a freaky child impersonating wannabe nursery teacher.

Suggest that instead of having 'playdates' you take turns having each other's DC. She can then play when it is her turn and you can let them get on with it, without interruption.

I think it's lovely for parents to play with their children, but I totally agree about taking over and not letting children be independent at all. A couple of the mums at the groups I go to are like this - the poor children are mithered constantly and they have no fun. Plus the child never gets to interact with other children, which is surely the whole point of going to a group?

I thank my mum for introducing the concept of " benign neglect" to me.

So no, I often left my kids to play alone, whilst I sat in the kitchen for a cup of tea and a chat, occasionally listening or loking of everything was o.k.

I only know 1 mum who parents as the mums in the OP, but it is a pfb ivf baby, now 3. She still gets mashed up food, spoonfed to her. I can never talk much to the mum as we have to constantly read to her DD, or interact, she won't play alone. I then just get on with MN....

Sorry to interject, but ivf being brought into it is a bit unreasonable. I have three and can drink tea for Britain on playdates.

You are right, was just trying to paint a picture.

Apologies

No problem

I agree, I am not sure why being an 'IVF' baby is relevant to anything post conception?

I really enjoy playing with DC, but am well aware that a balance is needed and don't think I am guilty of doing this too much.

I don't play with DC at the expense of socialising with friends, nor do I interfere on 'playdates'.

Seems to be an undertone here that parents who enjoy spending time playing with DC are stifling their development or socially inadequate. I agree that it's best to leave them to it on playdates provided there are no settling or other issues. But really there is nothing wrong with playing together sometimes.

Missed apology, sorry .