to be frustrated when parents on playdates do nothing but play with the DC?

[Susiewho]

Or should I say dominate and interrupt their play?

I have a couple of friends who do this and it's annoying. Our DCs (around three/four years old) get together at each others' houses to play, but the other mums are all "Ooo, what shall we find to play with next? Play doh? Shall we make a den?" etc. They immediately get right on the floor playing.

Yes, when it's just you and your DC, cool. BUT when they're there to play with each other, can't we just let them get on play? I've noticed that one little girl in particular clams up a mum's in charge of the playing.

Also, please have a conversation with me, not just a few words punctuated with "Ooo, shall we have a look at this book, dear DC" type phrases?

Clearly I'm too dull to bother with and the prospect of building a Lego car with a three year old is more entertaining than chatting to me. Probably.

yanbu. I wish that mums like that would piss off back home and make their dens, lego models, play food picnics etc. there and not come round to my house and show off and make me feel like shit. I always want to offer them a lemonade or a teddybear shaped biscuit so they can integrate all the more with the children. Idiots.

lequeen im with you and sometimes over playing can cause children to be nervous as if they are not playing properly thats why mummy is doing it ,

I went to a 'playdate' like that once, it was weird.

Yeah, they're showing off! "Ooh, look at me, I'm such a fun parent! The kids love me"

X posted with LeQueen

I know someone who does this. I feel a bit sorry for her, she works in child services and seems to think she should be providing a completely stimulating environment for her DC at all times. She apologises for DC watching a bit of Cbeebies after preschool for winding down FFS. I think such parents may not be showing off so much as being frightened of being judged by other parents because they maybe lack confidence in their own parenting skills. Maybe it needs someone to say 'Do you know what, they would have more fun and interact more by being left to play together so why don't we have a cup of tea and you can impress me with your vast range of biscuits instead!'.

I agree that it's not good for DC to have their play so directed. Nothing's better than a young child's imagination!

Growlithe, interesting. One of my friend's is (well, was before she had her own DC) a nanny. I wonder if she feels like a walking advert.

I also get annoyed with helicopter parents
The ones that will sit and have tea but are constantly getting up to check on what their DC are doing! FGS let them play, they're fine! You can't have a proper conversation with them because they're constantly interupting to say "little Johnny don't snatch off little Jane! Don't do that, put that there" etc

FFS, until one of them cries or comes telling tales just let them be!

Yanbu unless their child has psychopathic tendencies and can make a weapon out of a teddy bear they should let them get on with it. Kids job is to make a mess and have fun, parents job is to drink coffee, eat cake and intervene if permanent damage to house or kids seems imminent.

I agree. I reckon they are showing off and when they are on their own with their dc they ignore them and MN! :o Surely the one time it is ok to ignore your dc and have a chat and a cuppa is when the children are occupied with each other and each others toys. I have a friend who I can never finish the end of a sentence with as she constantly interupts to attend to her little darling's needs. Our dc are nearly 5, so it is not as if they can't play together for a bit. Irritating.

It's really frigging sad that mothers would slag other mothers off for playing with their children. What's wrong with that?

Agree with the poster who said that putting in a little bit of effort upfront whilst "at a friends for a play or tea" (AAFFAPOT) can make said AAFFAPOT go much more smoothly.

Fine if you have a child who is perfectly socially well adjusted, but most three year olds are still learning. And need a bit of guidance sometimes.

But then I quite like my kids, and quite like kids generally.

YANBU! When I go to friends houses for 'playdates' I will yell up the stairs once every 30 mins or so to check all is ok and that's about it. And I am very hands on with the play at home/hardly any tv/lots of worthy craft bollocks etc. If I tried to join in when dd was playing with friends she would likely tell me to go away I think.

It does depend so much on the child.
Dd1 woul play happily on her own if she knew the house/other children very well. If she didn't, I'd usually sit on the floor at her level and try and get her joining in. Yes, even at 3,4 or 5 she needed that encouragement. I would try and sneak away if she got playing, but it didn't always happen.
Dd2 would have thought I was an embarrassment for staying let alone joining in.
Ds was a hitter so I would have joined in because I knew that if I was down with them I could almost always see his frustration building up and would be able to stop it if I was with them.

With dd1 and ds you would have probably thought I was just joining in from my choice. Particularly if you'd seen dd1 at one of her best friend houses, she could look totally confident. And I was almost always successful at keeping ds contained and pleasant to play with, but it would take some work on my part. Actually I found it quite frustrating not being able to join in, but you probably wouldn't have realised it.

Not sure what your last really quite chippy sentence was about Schmee, are you implying that we don't like our kids or kids generally? I find it quite 'frigging sad' that a mother would say that about other mothers FWIW.

I agree with Suepurblybilt. Well said.

YANBU. I am very choosy with the mums I meet up with during the day. Luckily have found 5 I really like who have pleasant socialised children who play beautifully with my two. Therefore we sit and have coffee the DC (3 year olds) play imaginative games in the play room job done. I find if you hover they get inhibited they always scuttle off to another room.

These are the type of mums who I find a bit humourless - the sort of hatchet faced people who would enforce comic relief activities on colleagues in the workplace.

I agree, SuePurblybilt.

Schmee, it's sad if a parent who likes children won't let their child learn through playing with other children. Sad that they feel they need to direct everything and control the play. Play and friendship is for children; coffee and gossip is for adults!

Well put DeWe.

Surely the whole point of a playdate (yes, grim word, but useful shorthand...) is for the kids to play together and the mums to drink tea/eat cake?! And yes, at different ages/different types of kids you need to be more/less hands on, but why would you want to come over to another mum's house and just spend the whole time playing with your own child - can't you do that at home?

FWIW I've 'run' a playgroup at my house since oldest DC was 3 weeks old (going out of my mind....) and now, at nearly 5, the oldest kids play really nicely -go- -crazy- -thinking- -of- -new- -and- -inventive- -wickedness- and we sit and cuddle with younger DC and talk hot gossip about the new Good Vibrations that's just opened up in town...

Bugger strike-though thing didn't work!

I had a friend who kept doing this, but at soft play places when we met up supposedly to have a coffee whilst the DC played. Her DC would interrupt constantly but instead of telling them to wait she would start talking to them, come back to me to chat, then be interrupted again within seconds and we'd keep forgetting what we were talking about. She would also constantly go off and play with her DC on the equipment and I would be sitting there twiddling my thumbs as my DC have always been happy to go and play unsupervised.

I stopped meeting up with her in the end as there was no point as we never got to talk or spend any time together there. She was quite an insecure, show-offy type of person, and very much a loud parent so I guess this was a demonstration of her being a wonderful mum

Luckily this has never happened to me but if it did happen at my house I'd let her entertain the kids like an unpaid nanny and go off to get some chores done (or whatever). If it happened at their house I'd make me excuses and leave, never to return!!! It does strike me as a bizarre behaviour so I would probably not want to leave my child alone with them either.
And I think it is showing off due to deep self confidence issues!!

I think I may have the same friend as you Hexagonal! I my friend's kids (nearly 5 and 8) are old enough to learn not to keep interrupting and demanding attention. She doesn't seem to agree!