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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report DH's workmate for benefit fraud?

133 replies

BadDayAtTheOrifice · 02/02/2012 14:27

My DH has imparted some information to me which I now wish he hadn't because I now have some internal conflict issues going on.
He's worked with on and off with this guy (sub-contractors) for a couple of years and have become good friends. He lives with his girlfriend of 12 years and they have 3 kids, 11, 6 and 1. Last week DH tells me that his GF is on full lone parent benefits- they haven't declared that that they live together, and yet this bloke is on a decent (although not great) wage.
DH doesn't want to do anything because he's a friend. I feel I'm in a awkward position. Could you tell me what you would do in this position?

OP posts:
TotemPole · 03/02/2012 01:35

Laquitar, the benefit I was thinking of is HB. If you have two parents and a adult working child, then I would have thought that the working child is expected to pay a portion of the rent.

I suppose they could pretend to live with friends rent free.

You're right, if the other member's of the household circumstances change and they have to claim benefits then it could be tricky.

Maybe some agree to it and don't realise what they are taking part in.

mirai · 03/02/2012 01:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

samandi · 03/02/2012 06:34

I'd report it in a couple of months, like another poster suggested. What they are doing is illegal and morally wrong IMO. But as the above poster says, they probably won't do anything.

MistyMountainHop · 03/02/2012 15:30

i am sorry but thats gotta be bullshit re the solicitor with several kids still living in the house while she claimed benefits Hmm

Eglu · 03/02/2012 15:33

I would report it without hesitation.

OTheHugeManatee · 03/02/2012 15:46

I think what they are doing is wrong, and I'm baffled at the idea that Dave Hartnett's sweetheart deals with Vodafone and suchlike (which are also wrong) represent some kind of justification for fiddling the system.

I'm not sure if I could bring myself to shop them though.

bobbledunk · 03/02/2012 17:41

Mind your own business. Karma's a bitch.

elinorbellowed · 03/02/2012 17:50

I hate these threads. Nasty nasty mean-spirited tattle-tales. Mind your own fucking business. How will your life suddenly be any easier if these people claim a bit less? It won't. Your life will get easier if upper-rate tax-payers paid more. Stay on your perfect high horse and leave this family alone.

TiaMariaandDietCoke · 03/02/2012 18:03

If you saw someone shoplifting, would you turn a blind eye? I don't see the difference personally. taking something that isn't yours/ that you're not entitled to is theft in my book

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 03/02/2012 19:51

Mean spirited Tattle tales? Hmm

What a pathetic thing to say.

Since when has telling the truth been worse than lying and cheating to commit fraud?

shagmundfreud · 03/02/2012 20:06

"If you saw someone shoplifting, would you turn a blind eye? I don't see the difference personally. taking something that isn't yours/ that you're not entitled to is theft in my book"

Good people who are honest in every other possible way sometimes dishonestly claim benefits for several reasons:

  • because the cost of living in the UK is incredibly high and managing on a low income is very, very difficult. It's true that if you can't afford it you should go without holidays, family outings, new clothes, and after school activities for your children, but when that's the reality of your life it's hard to bear and is very depressing, especially if you work hard in a low paid, unfulfilling job.
  • because many women are in fragile relationships with their partners which makes relying on them financially very worrying and actually in many cases puts the family at risk of conflict.
  • because many people are in employment which is insecure, are living on the breadline, and have no savings to fall back on should they lose their work and if there is a delay in receiving benefits.

Benefits represent security for many people. For many people it's the only secure and reliable income they'll ever have, such are the poor terms many low paid workers are employed under.

In other words - it's not like shoplifting. It's wrong, but it's understandable.

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 03/02/2012 20:12

No, it's not understandable at all.

Shoplifting so that you have something to feed your children that day is understandable.

Budgeting badly and knowingly going out of your way to take something you neither need, nor have a right to, is not understandable. No matter what type of bollocks sob story you want to attach to it.

shagmundfreud · 03/02/2012 20:29

"Budgeting badly and knowingly going out of your way to take something you neither need, nor have a right to, is not understandable. "

How do you know someone who claims benefits as well as working is 'budgeting badly'?

It's very, very hard for families in work to live on a low income in the medium and long term, particularly if the work in question is temporary or unstable. People run up debts - a washing machine breaks down, you're the victim of crime, who knows.

My next door neighbours were robbed of EVERYTHING valuable they had during a break in. They had no insurance because they simply couldn't afford the premiums.

I know other families where separations have resulted in one partner going terribly into debt while trying to claim benefits.

I understand how people get themselves into this situation.

Pandygirl · 03/02/2012 20:46

Benefit fraud is wrong, as is copyright theft, buying cigarettes from a mate who got them tax free and straight forward shop-lifting. I'd "sneak" on anyone doing it, without a second thought.
But I'd be really pissed if someone reported me for speeding, which is my illegal activity of choice.
We all do things wrong, but we should all accept the consequences (I have a speed awareness course in the next few weeks - serves me right)

TiaMariaandDietCoke · 03/02/2012 21:10

Shagmund, I'm not saying i don't sympathise with someone whos finding it hard to make ends meet, (been there) but I'm afraid i don't get the logic of benefit fraud being ok in those circumstances, any more than (for example) shoplifting would be. so one peraon steals the groceries to feed the kids, another steals tje money by benefit fraud , uses it to buy groceries to feed the kids....

i can understand why someone might do it, buti still don't think either is ok

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 03/02/2012 21:16

Shagmund, that stuff happens to people who don't commit benefit fraud too you know. Having to put up with regular life crap and the worries and stresses that come with it does not make it ok to steal. Otherwise we would all be doing it.

I can't believe you are trying to justify it and that you actually seem to believe the rubbish you are spouting.

I have debt. I don't have insurance. Would you mind mugging a few old ladies for me please because I could do with a few of life's extra luxuries. You don't have to physically hurt them. Just steal their money. It's understandable after all.

TiaMariaandDietCoke · 03/02/2012 21:19

Sorry shagmund, i meant to add- I'm not suggesting you are saying it is ok. You referred to it being understandable, not 'ok', so apologies if my post reads wrong in that way. its been a long day! Blush

CalmaLlamaDown · 03/02/2012 21:34

Do you think op will come back and update us or was she a shitstirrer?

Original poster
BadDayAtTheOrifice · 03/02/2012 22:50

Thank you all for your input. I haven't updated because I am still on the fence. Lame I know, but I see both sides of the arguement, and I think I'm just going to mull over it a bit for now. If I were to report, I think I'd leave it a little while anyway as to not make it too obvious as to who may have done it. I have a lot to consider. Thanks again.

OP posts:
thecook · 04/02/2012 03:44

I think you should mind your own business. I am currently in receipt of JSA. Last summer I was summoned to an interview with the Fraud Investigation dept at a local office. I was so terrified in the run-up to the interview despite I knowing that I had done nothing wrong. On entering the interview I caught sight of copies of my bank statements going right back to when I first made my claim. They had obtained them without my permission. After an hour of intense questioning about transactions on the statements, I lost my temper. Some utter cunt (I suspect an ex boyfriend whose advances I had spurned) had informed the DWP I was working as a prostitute which is totally unfounded. I was asked about a £25 transaction in IKEA (a box of crockery) and a monthly direct debit to Nuffield (gym,I don't have Sky!). Anyway, my benefit was suspended whilst I was being investigated. I only got it reinstated when I found a specialist solicitor to help me. Legal Aid of course! I ain't paying! They got in touch in December demanding my mortgage statement for 2011. I only got it last week. When signing on this week I was told my JSA has been suspended again. Oh well. I will be ringing solicitor on Monday morning, traisping up his office and signing the Legal Aid forms again. So how much has this cost the tax payer. I found the whole episode intrusive. So to any would be grasses out there do think before you destroy someones life.

thecook · 04/02/2012 03:55

Actually I am quite glad someone is making money out of the whole affair. It is one big FUCK YOU to the whole system. Oh and I got my solicitor to demand a written transcript of the interview. I thought it would be entertaining for the typist! I can't wait to ring my solicitor on Monday. Of course having my benefits sanctioned means I haven't got the money to photocopy the mortgage statements cos my JSA has been stopped! So he can do it for me. And I am sure the bugger will charging more than 10p a page. Pmsl.

thegirlwiththehairylegs · 04/02/2012 06:52

OP, I think as a few posters have said up-thread. You really should mind your own business, karma is a bitch and what goes around, comes around. You don't even know the full story. Is it really worth having these people investigated when you don't even know the full story? You are basing this on hearsay really aren't you? Someone could say something about you one day and someone else could hear about it and decide to 'grass you up' for something. And you would then be thinking to yourself 'Blimey, what did I do to deserve that?'

Just leave it alone. Your DH will probably know it's you if you do decide to report anyway, how would he feel about his wife doing that to his friend?

MistyMountainHop · 04/02/2012 08:17

thecook thats disgraceful whats happened to you. i had a similar thing a few years ago when dh's nutter of an ex wife decided to grass on me when i hadn't even done anything, was a nightmare and so embarassing

hope karma comes back and bites the arse of the fucker who has reported you tenfold!! :(

(and LOL @ the solicitor making money off the twats! )

hope it gets sorted x

renaldo · 04/02/2012 08:28

Op report them. Do the right thing. Benefit fraud takes money from those who really deserve it.

gettingeasier · 04/02/2012 08:48

Its annoying to know they are doing that but you cant report them because of your DH, it will be obvious to him and if the mate found out...These things have a habit of growing and you will wish you had never started it.