Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be pretty upset that ds1 has been assessed as overweight and not to find any of the 'Top Tips' relevant to us?

371 replies

lecce · 31/01/2012 20:19

Ds1 (4.10) was weighed and measured at school and we received a letter today telling us he is on the 91st BMI centile and therefore is just into the overweight category.

Of course I am upset. I had no idea there was a problem. I suppose he does look a little more 'solid' than some children, indeed some children I see do look particularly tiny. Ds has no rolls of fat, no double chin and his tummy still sticks out a bit (only noticeable when naked) and you can see and feel his ribs.

The last time he was weighed and measured (about 2 years ago) he was on the 75th centile for height and the 50+ for weight - so longer than wide. However, now these seem to have swapped over and he isn't so tall but appears to be chunkier.

I have always considered his diet to be good. The booklet the NHS have sent is full of tips about cutting down on biscuits, crisps etc but we very rarely have these. We don't keep biscuits in the house, or crisps. He loves all fruit and mostly snacks on that or oat cakes but he doesn't snack a huge amount at all. We may put peanut butter on the oatcake, but spread it thinly. Puddings are fruit, alone or with Greek yoghurt. About once every six weeks or so we bake flapjacks or fruit muffins. We visit MacD's once every six weeks or so. Dh cooks all our meals from scratch - pasta sauces etc. I noticed today he'd put a little butter on the potatoes and carrots - should we not be doing that at all?

Among my friends, I am considered on the strict side regarding food but, in fact, nothing is off limits but it is limited, iyswim. His diet has a few 'naughty' things in it but is basically pretty good and very low on processed food. He only drinks water with the occassional glass of milk or carton drink when we are out - a couple of times a month.

He walks to school, goes to the playground for 30-40mins every day, has swimming lessons once a week, dance lesson once a week and uses his scooter, balance bike or legs Grin both days of the weekend pretty much without fail. He is not a total whirlwind, like some boys his age, but that is just his nature and he's certainly no couch potato either.

I just feel so down about this - like we have let him down. The letter is saying about how he is likely to suffer from health problems and be overweight as an adult and I could just cry. Yet looking through the tips, we already do pretty much everything they suggest. I really didn't think young children were supposed to follow a 'low-fat' diet, I though it was about balance but we've obviously got it wrong Sad.

Would love some suggestions from anyone about what we could do about this.

Btw, I am not overweight (slightly under) and dh is a little but he is ridiculously tall so hides it well! We all eat the same food, pretty much, though not the same portion sizes, obviously.

OP posts:
LineRunner · 01/02/2012 14:27

Just crazy, different. I hope he wasn't worried by that ridiculous assessment? If that had been my DS he'd have been bereft.

differentnametoposthere · 01/02/2012 14:29

Not at all Line - we roared with laughter and stuck the letter on the notice board so I could snigger at it every so often for months afterwards.

Grin
mothmagnet · 01/02/2012 14:38

This has been an excellent thread to read through, and timely for me as I'm stumped with what to do about my ds's weight at the moment.

He's 10, 7 stone and just under 5', so overweight according to the childrens' BMI calculator (though when I'd played around with it as seona suggested, if he grew another inch, he'd be healthy). He's been this weight since last Autumn. He eats healthily, walks and cycles and does sport.

He has visible fat around his tummy and front, enough so he'll wear a t shirt for swimming and I struggle to buy trousers for him. His weight has become a big issue, mainly because ExP, his dad is very worried and wondering why I seem to do nothing. I really am trying, though not as worried and would like him to be a bit slimmer for his own sake.
We visited the GP recently to ask and she said he was absolutely fine, that he was tall and not to underfeed him.

My questions are; should we do sit-ups or exercises like that? What effect does puberty have? (the BMI calculator said to take this into account and he is on the brink) And please don't flame me for this one, I'm serious; is a breakfast croissant and four evening crackers having a massive effect?

I really like aldiwhore's idea of nutritional advice through SW plans - I realise I'm not as clever as I'd thought about food and we both need reminding of what goes into things.

differentnametoposthere · 01/02/2012 14:48

SW for children is a really bad idea, children need different levels of fats and nutrients to adults.

If you took him to the doctor and the doctor said he was fine, then why are you worrying over a daft generic chart?

Please people - the charts are only a guide. If you know you aren't feeding your child crap, and they're only a little bit on the "wrong" side, chill out. Or go to your doctor if you're that worried.

But please for the love of the wee man, do not be putting kids on diets because of a shitty bollocking BMI chart that is not tailored to your child - if you think there's an issue, or if you're worried having got a letter like the OP has, go to the GP and talk to the GP and get personalised advice.

dandelionss · 01/02/2012 15:24

My DD2 is nearly 7.She is of a broad build I would say.she does at least6 hours of gymnastics a week -she has big muscles- muscular shoulders arms and a clear 6 pack.But she comes up as being on the 22nd centile for BMI.
So I really don't buy all these excuses about BMI.I think people have lost sight of what children SHOULD look like.they shouldn't look like a slim adult-they should be thinner than that.

belgo · 01/02/2012 15:39

dendanlionss- my dd1 is very similar - also has that six pack - comes from pilates/yoga type exercises as well as dancing. She certainly doesn't get it from me. She has always been very light - 10th percentile for weight- and above average height. I wouldn't know what her BMI is.

mummymeister · 01/02/2012 15:41

If your child has a healthy balanced diet does lots of running around and is happy then their weight does fluctuate. Just looked at a pic of DD2 at 3 and we used to call her sherpa tank girl! Now she is like a bean pole and i have trouble finding teeny tiny waisted trousers to fit her. Its all about the bigger picture - not a snap shot of how they are on any given day. i completely and utterly agree that no child should go on a diet. a healthy eating plan yes but for heavens sake don't make them diet.

dixiechick1975 · 01/02/2012 15:47

DD yr 1 has managed to avoid this.

Are only state school children are included?

Also wondered how they deal with kids with disabilities - alot of medical conditions affect weight/height.

I would have opted out for DD as she is weighed at every paediatrician apt.

She was born without her left arm below elbow. She is underweight on a crude height/weight bmi calc for obvious reasons!

mammanetta · 01/02/2012 15:50

oh lecce :( to feeling like you have let your son down...
I am sure you have NOT!
You seem to have it all covered to me and he seems like an active kid who eats well.
I could kill the person who came up with centile charts and body mass indeces etc...
It creates so much competition, confusion and is rarely if ever accurate in showing the whole picture.
This was even confirmed by a paediatrician to me!
I would ignore it entirely and just carry on as you have always done - you sound like great parents, so stuff the centile charts.

fluffywhitekittens · 01/02/2012 15:59

My dd is in the overweight bracket,not far off obese, she's 75th height and 91st (I think) weight.
She has sturdy legs and big wide feet, yes she has a bit of a tummy but otherwise healthy and active.
Also she only needs to grow a couple of cm or be a kg or so lighter to be "normal"
I do think it's daft to use bmi charts on such young children.
My Mum was a school nurse and is appalled that dd is classed as overweight, she said that when they assessed children they really only had to look at them ( in the good ol days Wink)
As others have said those who probably are fine get worried parents and those who really do feed their child crap and have potential problems ignore it.

Furball · 01/02/2012 16:02

similar was on the news last night

daily mail link

I think abit of common sense should be used by the person weighing if they want to use that system.

It all depends on frame size, height etc

Furball · 01/02/2012 16:14

If they are worried about healthy eating, then nutrition and cookery lessons should be compulsory from say year 3 every week. (not so many weeks per year from year 7)

Teaching children all about the different food groups, where food comes from, growing your own and cooking decent healthy meals, food from around the world etc etc is going to instil life long skills far more than sending notes home with their weight nonsense.

Surely the benefits would pay for themselves once the children start to filter into adult life.

MeltedChocolate · 01/02/2012 16:24

1/2 a doughnut is plenty for a 4 year old, why are you offering him more??

Apart from that it sounds like he does plenty of exercise and eats well.

duchesse · 01/02/2012 16:26

OP- I'd say in your DS's case that he may be about to grow tall suddenly. I always find with mine that they get wider then taller all of a sudden. If you're sure his diet and activity levels are fine, then that's the way he is.

You can tell an overweight child. I think that weighing them and measuring is a pretty blunt tool- it just lends pseudo-scientific credence to the letters they send out.

MeltedChocolate · 01/02/2012 16:26

I am always a bit sceptical about people saying their children aren't overweight when they have been told they are.

My friend was told his son was overweight and he was really upset and angry about it, but he just doesn't see that his son IS! I could never say it to him but his son is obviously overweight to look at and yet he can't see it.

differentnametoposthere · 01/02/2012 16:28

OK, Melted, well, please go and look on my profile at my clinically obese son .
(By the BMI measurements)

And then tell me I just wasn't seeing it.

MeltedChocolate · 01/02/2012 16:29

What I meant by that was try to look at your son with out mummy glasses on. Is he rounder? Do his hands still look chubby and baby like? etc etc

If not then forget the letter, just make sure you are trying to look from an outsider's point of view, ask your friends' honest opinions.

duchesse · 01/02/2012 16:29

mothmagnet- children seem to pork out at around 10-11, shortly before they grow a foot. Watch his foot size- it's my betting you'll soon be buying 3 pairs of shoes a year for him, and then suddenly he'll be taller than you. I agree it's not right for a 10yo to have rolls of tummy flab, but even this does fluctuate in the growing child.

differentnametoposthere · 01/02/2012 16:30

So, Melted, fair enough, Go on my profile and look at my son with your outsider's glasses on and tell me he was clinically obese.

catgirl1976 · 01/02/2012 16:31

I looked at differents son - he is a long way from obese

duchesse · 01/02/2012 16:31

Differentname- Grin. Yup, he's storing up health problems for the future, for sure. Hmm

OrangeRosePetals · 01/02/2012 16:31

I just wanted to add to the message that not all kids are the same. Some kids are going to be chunkier than others irrespective of their diet/exercise. Just as we have the same brains but different personalities, so our bodies do not function in identical ways. It is not just a case of calories in versus exercise taken.

I have a dd who is average height (134cm tall), but at 9 yrs old, only 22kg (about 3 stone 9, I think). To many people, her diet would not be considered good. I put stacks of butter on bread/toast/on veg/in mash, give her lumps of cheese as snacks, she drinks full-fat milk, and if it is a dinner she likes, like roast, she will eat the same size portion as me (ie 3 min yorkies, 4/5 roast potatoes etc).

I try to feed her up at every opportunity. Now, we don't have much in the way of crisps of cake in the house, but even so, her diet sounds much higher in calories than many of you on here. However, she is underweight and always has been. I have to take in all her clothes, and she looks like a string bean with no clothes on.

However, she is very healthy, very strong, very fit and very active. If we didn't put high calorie foods in her she would been dangerously underweight. She just doesn't store fat in the same way as, for example, her sister who we don't 'feed up' in the same way and who is a far more normal build.

Obviously being overweight is a cause for concern, but I sometimes read these threads and think - you have to look at the child as an individual and that BMI and centile charts while useful tools, don't always tell the whole story.

MeltedChocolate · 01/02/2012 16:32

Chill differentname. I didn't say it was always the case. My own son is HEAVY for his age, but he is also very tall. I was just saying really try and look. Double check. Be sure.

You're son looks rather handsome, and not all all obese.

belgo · 01/02/2012 16:32

differentnamnetoposthere TBH I thought we were talking about prepubescent child, as the child in the OP is under five. Your ds looks nearly an adult in that photo (and a very nice photo it is!)

I haven't seen any prepubescent children with muscles like that!

differentnametoposthere · 01/02/2012 16:33

That's my point cat and duchesse - aged 16 the government busy bodies sent me a letter that said he was obese. Clinically obese. Grin

My arse in parsley was he obese.