Are you scared of Social Workers?

[JugsyMalone]

I watched something on TV last night about social workers. I thought they were perfectly reasonable people trying to do a hard job. However, there was this nagging voice in my head saying "if they saw the house right now...." Laundry overflowing (far too much school uniform, a one use towel habit in the house and the dog's muddy paws in winter), mucky carpet (dog/winter/hoover needs replaced), we are all messy people and the toilet seat is broken, again. I desperately need to redecorate.

We sometimes have takeaways or good M&S ready meals and I smoke fags now and then in the garden. Sometimes I get pissed on a Friday with my mates. Sometimes their kids and mine are upstairs playing on xbox and eating chocolate and pizza whilst we get pissed and do kaeroke (sp?) dowstairs. I also hate getting up early on the weekend and let the kids watch (slightly) over age films, with me.

I have had 2 contacts with SWs ever, one to get DS2 into a special nursery (years ago). They were really kind and nice. Another (even more years ago) to get help with points to get a council house due to poor living conditions in a horrible flat, again really helpful.

But an unscheduled visit? OMG - have done laundry and kitchen and hoovering after watching TV.

I know IABU but wondered if anyone else felt this way?

*torturing myself with applying for reespite, get rid of the nosey SW.

I'm feeling OK now.I've asled myself why i felt paranoid and there is no reason other than the tv programme, my past failure and this thread,

I get a little on edge when I see posts like this or programmes on tv about social services and children etc.
I cant really pinpoint why because I dont think I am a BAD parent and yet I know I could be better at the same time and I worry what the cut off for being good vs bad is as you hear so many people saying that social services have hounded them for really minor things.
For example - I have a mental block when it comes to my sons book bag, he just started reception and for some reason I keep forgetting to take it in. Or my house is often messy and cluttered although not to the point of rubbish being around etc or having no dishes to eat off, oh and my son keeps telling people he hasnt had breakfats even though he has it every day!

GoingFor you didn't fail. You asked for help. I worked for SS and that is a success so pat yourself on the back.

Dirty, people often say they have been hounded for small things. IME that is rarely the case. Either they are in denial about the issues or lying or SS are still investigating. Since SWs can't comment people can say what they like to the Daily Fail.

Thanks MrsTerry I really appreciate your acknowledgment of my experience. :)

makes me feel lots more confident. x

I worked as a Social Work Assistant (Social worker's dogsbody) and was asked to consider training as a social worker. I've seen the job and what it entails. I wouldn't have done it for all the tea in China.

It is an impossible job, dammed if you do, dammed if you don't.

If a Social Worker investigates a complaint of abuse/neglect and it turns out it is baseless then they are 'interfering busybodies meddling in other people's business.' Don't intervene and something terrible happens and the Greek Chorus of 'where were Social Services?'

In the majority of cases, I genuinely don't understand where the fear comes from, Children's Services have neither the time, the inclination or the energy to start knocking door to door to see when the last time your coffee table saw some Mr Sheen or if your kids are eating Organic butternut squash.

The process to remove a child from their parent's care is long, complex and will not happen unless something is going seriously awry -far beyond a pile of washing - and is even then used as a last resort. There are also so many checks and counter balances in the system along with rights to appeal all the way down the line.

Spero Thu 02-Feb-12 10:43:23

"Cory, the situation you worry about is far from unusual: doctors can be arrogant shit heads who don't like to back down and sometimes they get the bit between the teeth and are very very wrong. But I still maintain it would be extremely difficult to sustain deliberate and malicious lies in a contested hearing."

I see what you mean and that is a very reassuring thought.

(though not sure why doctors are fair game and can be called arrogant shitheads if sw's cannot- could we not agree that maybe doctors, too, have stressful jobs and may make mistakes out of too much pressure?)

What I do is lacking is an awareness of the damage that can be done to a family even if a case is thrown out or even if it never comes to court.

I am categorically not saying that should be a reason not to bring cases. But I am wondering if maybe there should be a support and winding up strategy afterwards to help families get closure. Just an awareness on the part of the professionals would go a long way.

We have nothing to complain about because we still have our dd and have never even had to fight our case in court. But 8 years later we still have to deal with dd every day: she has developed an anxiety disorder and is incapable of managing a normal school day with her medical condition because she does not trust the adults in charge enough to tell them when she is in pain; it has got her into too much trouble in the past.

The doctors, EWOs etc who caused that have no idea that this has happened: they have long since walked out of our lives. As far as they are concerned we have nothing to complain about because the situation was resolved= no longer on their caseload.

We are the ones left dealing with the vomiting, self-harming, school refusal, hyperventilating etc etc.

This could equally well be a situation arising from SW involvement.

What is worthwhile stressing is that nobody asked afterwards "are you ok?"

We went to a family therapy session the other week and the therapist asked dh "So you were suspected of sexual abuse? How did you deal with that?" Dh looked absolutely stunned at the thought that after 8 years somebody was actually aware that this might have been a problem for him, that somebody wondered how he'd felt.

It always riles me to see SWs who seem to think that if you get to keep your child/if they had reasonable grounds to intervene, then the family can't possibly have come to any harm through the actual intervention.

In that respect, doctors are sometimes less arrogant: the surgeon who operated on dd's knee was aware that there would be side-effects from the anaesthetics and pain from the wound and that there was a risk of infection: he was able to offer her recognition of those effects at the same time as being adamant that the operation was necessary. He didn't take dd's difficulties with the wound as a slur on his professional judgment or mutter "damned if you do, damned if you don't".

Until recently, I would have regarded those who are suspicious of Social Workers as having something to hide. Through a very unpleasant experience involving my disabled child, I realise that SW can and do lie to cover up their own mistakes, whatever the cost to the family.

One thing that could really make the system a lot more transparent would be to record meetings, rather than allow the social worker to make 'notes' (not even minutes), while chairing the meeting at the same time.

I agree wholeheartedly with that, bakelitebelle.

And did you know that if you have had previous involvement as a family from the CP team of SW's, at least in my county, then the children with disabilities team cannot take your case on, even if it is a decade down the line? Which means that if you had CP involvement when your eldest was a baby due to their undiagnosed SN, and/or an awful upbringing for yourself, you got to keep your dc and had your case closed, then 10 years later you can't go to the children with disabilities team and ask for help in getting respite or services for SN? They HAVE to refer you back to the CP team, who have no specialist knowledge of disabilities, and often cannot access the same funding, OR respite care.

What this means is that although SS have NO problems with my current childrearing abilities, I cannot get ANY help with my 2 dc with SN from the children with disabilities team. Who were VERY apologetic, and felt awful, but their hands were tied by red tape. They referred my famly to the CP team, as they were the only team 'allowed' to take on my case. CP SW came out, did one visit, told me that they couldn't help me because I wasn't abusive OR neglectful, and they closed the case. Leaving my family with NO support for my two dc with SN, even though I am ALSO coping with a disability myself. How is THAT fair or right?

However - the CP SW did tell me that if I became abusive or neglectful, or if I continued to ask for support (as it would be evidence of me 'not coping' ) they would have no hesitation in removing my dc due to their previous involvement. Over a decade ago. When all I wanted was either somne respite care, or some help for my dc with SN. Rather than HELP me, they would take the dc away. Despite acknowledging that there is not a problem with the way in which I care for my dc or meet their needs.

I would support recording of meetings, it would certainly help reassure people that what they said was accurately reported.

Cory, I am not singling out doctors as arrogant shitheads. I have met SW who were as bad and also parents. I think doctors often display a certain type of arrogance because they are so used to deference and being told how fantastic they are. Certainly the worst and most aggressive cross examinations I have had are with doctors. It is difficult because they have to explain their specialisms at a level I can understand which they often find frustrating. But if I can't understand what they are talking about, chances are neither did the parents.

I am sorry to hear you and your family have been left with such a terrible legacy.

I do agree that bit is a problem that some SW takenthe attitude that they are there to protect the children and anyone and anything else is just subsidiary to that. I have to keep reminding some that the parents can't be simply disregarded, they remain important to the children whatever is found against them.

Like I said before, some compassion and humility goes a long way. But I don't think SW are particularly deficient in those qualities. Child protection investigations are stressful for all involved and there is no after care for those in your position. Its a sad situation and again, I think only more money is the cure, to pay for better support.

HuntyCat what about the ombudsman? I really think you ought to try to take it further. If you have unmet need, that is not right and should be dealt with.

BTW, a lot SWs would LOVE to have a minute taker in meetings. It would be great for them but money money money. It is very hard to look at people when they are upset and have to look away to take notes. I hated it.

I dont trust them one bit i failed a parenting assessment to get custody of my niece on the grounds that i usedto fight at school as a child and that i was at the time of the assessment pregnant really upset my niece has now been adopted and i could have given her a stable upbringing and never ending love

If the meting is any form of conference and there isn't a minute taker, your LA is breaking guidelines. Independant Reviewing Officers 'chair' Looked After Child meetings and sometimes CP reviews, they were to be drafted in for the whole process and are awarded to that child's case.

Your solicisitor should be picking these things up. The role of the IRO was extended last year, so it has come in within 3 years. Most other more informal meetings are conducted with a Family Support Worker. A parenting assessment should be done by at least two seperate people and others will sit in on a contact,such as in the case of 'theone'.

All i can say is there seems to be lots of LA's that are underperforming ,although we know that of some inner London LA's that definately are and are picked upom regulary.

Essex are far from great too...

EVERYONE SHOULD BE SCARED IF A SOCIAL WORKED TURNED UP AT THEIR DOOR.

If I'd had that generalising attitude, thisisreallife, I would never have accessed the support our SWs gave us against the people who were trying to demonise us. There would have been noone to challenge the HTs view that a child who was frequently absent must be badly parented.

The truth is, people are human beings, they are different, some are professional, some less so, some empathetic, some less so. Unless you actually speak to them and listen to what they have to say, you don't know who is going to help and who is going to hinder. One profession does not contain all the good ones and another profession all the evil ones.

Zombie thread walking

Fuck, really, thisisreallife?

I've got one coming for dinner on Sunday, maybe we should pack up and leave now. Of course, the children will be devastated not to see their grandmother.

I wouldnt be scared, because in my experience they are a useless powerless waste of time.

Its not the SW fault, they have too many cases, not enough staff and no time, and are only interested in the most severe CP cases, and even then only if the abuser is still about in the childs life.

As a foster carer, I have social services turning up at my door fairly regularly. We have our own dedicated social worker.

They've never been anything other than kind and professional towards us. SMS are better than others, some have had strange ideas, but on the whole I'm not scared of them

I'm not scared of social workers but some social workers scare me. The levels of incompetence, disinterest and/or downright nastiness of a significant minority I have heard of or experienced professionally has given me cause to believe the system is not fit for purpose, sadly.

yes lisaro the ones I have had the misfortune to be involved in have been useless, one wrote a completely factually incorrect report, and sent it to numerous people, then sent her apology direct to myself, leaving her pile of shite to stand.