To think the carer of this girl with learning disabilities needs telling!

[mummy2stan]

I take my son to a activity centre a couple of times a week and there is a young woman in there all the time who is clearly mentally handicapped, whilst I have no problem at all with this I do have one with the so called carers that are with her. Two weeks ago whilst my 18 month old son was sat in a high chair having his lunch, the girl came over started pinching his cheek and saying BOO really loudly and in his face, my son is a shy boy and isn't good with strangers anyway so at first he just stared and then after about 5 BOOS started to cry, I smiled politely at the carer who was stood with the girl saying ......gently.... Gently now.... And she did nothing to stop her until he was crying his heart out at which she then pulled the girl away. And then yesterday I watched as the girl followed a 2 year old around saying ... You've been naughty .... You've been naughty... Till the 2 year old got to her mother clearly upset, then the girl proceeded to try to pick her up, pulling her away from her mother, and all the while the carer is stood beside her saying nothing!!!! Now. Whilst I understand this girl may well have the mental age of 5 she is intact at least 20 yrs old and I don't think she should be allowed to behave this way towards other children. If she knows no wrong in it, then the carers should stop it before it makes other children cry! Why should we accept it because she's disabled? I feel I may have to speak to the manager if she approaches my son again because I take him there so he can interact with other children, not be pestered and scared by another adult. Once again my problem is not with the girl as such, more the people who are supposed to be watching her. Am I wrong to complain if she upsets him?

I put lady as actually it conveys respect actually. I quite like being called a lady myself!

Er chas isn't it usual to talk to someone who comes over to talk to your child?

Or do you shout GO AWAY at everyone who comes over to engage your child because they like babies. The person with LD's was behaving inappropriate but she was just trying to play with the baby, so an appropriate response is to talk to her.

Dear god.

Actually

For those who want some clarification on what is meant by learning disabilities....

People with learning disabilities have significant and widespread difficulty in learning and understanding. They will have had this difficulty since childhood. The term ?learning disabilities? does not include specific learning difficulties such as dyslexia, specific social/communication difficulties such as Asperger?s syndrome or significant and widespread difficulty in learning and understanding that are acquired in later life. People with learning disabilities are more likely to have autism than people who do not have learning disabilities. Find out more.

See this site for further information www.improvinghealthandlives.org.uk/

ohanotherone - you must be very young. I'd hug anyone who called me a girl...

The young woman should not have been at the play centre. Probably bored 'carers' having a coffee and catch up.

saintly if you feel like it yes...but not if you don't...and talking to someone isn't the same as teaching them to engage is it? Of course I don't shout at everyone who chats...but I certainly don't sit and teach them how to interact either.

ohanotherone not to some people it doesn't...plenty of women don't like the connotations of the term.

YANBU

I must be unusual then because if someone comes over to talk to my child then I (or they) would reply.

I don't think you actually have to 'teach' them, I don't think anyone is expecting you to run a lesson, just reply to them as you would anyone. It takes what? Ten seconds.

So chas what if it was a child, my DD loves babies as do a lot of her friends. If a 5 year old came up and was interacting with your baby but inadvertently upset him would you not intervene by showing them a more appropriate way to engage?

coccyx the young woman might really like the playcentre though...she should be able to enjoy it but her carer obvoiusly needs to be a better carer and to read the signals.

I was on the bus once and a woman got on with her carer and I had DD in her buggy and the carer said "Keep her away from X because she can suddenly lash out and has been known to hit people and especially babies."

And whilst I appreciated the warning I dd think...Well should she be on the frigging bus then??

ALL people should have the right to enjoy society and it's amenities but not if they are going to be a risk to others. nd if they are only sometimes a risk then carers need to be vigilant.

Saintly My comments about teaching were in direct response to a poster who said the OP should engage with the young woman and teach her the best way to interact....

@ChasTitty. Spastic is an example of meaning drift. IIRC, it used to be a entirely technical medical word with a precise definition - just like "cerebral palsy" today. But then people with a bad attitude started using it as an insult - and it spread - and by the time I was a kid I was using "spastic" as an insult meaning "stupid, not cool" and was mortified when somebody explained that, intially, it had described cerebral palsy.

"Moron" and "cretin" were also first used as precise medical terms, I think.

I wouldn't be surprised if in time "autistic" also went down the same road - I've heard it used here to mean "stubborn, unlistening" (as in "This is an autistic decision by the government" by an opposition leader who means that the government should take more heed of popular opposition.)

Gramercy, You are a fine girl!!!!!

It was Boys comment on the previous page.

Oh the irony. The OP is told to interact with the girl/ woman/ lady as she would with anybody else, whilst being told she is wrong/ vile/ outdated/ patronising/ etc etc by a group of posters who can't agree among themselves - ie should a 20 year old have been there (patronising?) or does she have every right to be there (inclusion?).

It's the fear of 'getting it wrong' that makes so many people come over all David Brent when dealing with people with SN.

Lesson - stay away from the whole subject unless you are fully up to date and conversant with what is expected from you. Which will vary depending on who you ask.

Kladdakka
Who ( officially) makes these terms 'outdated' anyway?

The people on the receiving end who are hurt by them.

I didn't mean go though the nursery nurse NVQ, Chas, simply "no, he doesn't like that, but he does like clapping games" or whatever.

kirsty language development is interesting....people lightly say "Oh I might be a bit Aspergersy" and similar...but it's almost in a way...a positive thing in that case...as it means more and more people are understanding various issues. But obviously...not in cases where people with Cerebral Palsy are used to descrbe someone in a negative way.

I said she could try engaging with the young woman. I didn't mean run a lesson. I just meant talk to her as she would anyone else. She would (inadvertently) be teaching her how to interact (although I doubt she would personally be responsible for any major change in behaviours ) by providing a good model.

Same way you'd talk to a five year old being a bit inappropriate in their interaction.

It's not rocket science it's just politeness and regular social interaction. I don't know why it's suddenly different or too much effort just because the other person happens to have SLD's.

Agree with that, ChasTittyBeltUp. I was a bit surprised/shocked at the post further up the thread where a girl blows raspberries on the necks of unsuspecting passers-by. I have to say that whilst the initial response was astonishment, I'd not like it one bit and certainly wouldn't find it funny, I'd probably be angry at having my personal space encroached upon. I'm just using it as an example.

Everybody in society has to live within rules and boundaries. That's what society is.

Again boys...it's nerve wracking for newer parents though. If someone they don't know...and who clearly isn't NT approaches their child then they WILL feel unsure. It might be unfriendly...it might even be unkind...but at what point does one ignore instincts and engage with an adult who may be unpredictable and more...encourage them to engage with your child?

I think the real issue here is one I often think about. Which is why is caring for an adult with learning difficulties paid so appallingly and open to anyone without qualifications? I often see carers with their charges in the park or in the GP's surgery. I often don't like the way the carers interact (or don't interact) with the people they are 'caring' for. Adults with special needs need proper care, not just some other adult paid the minimum wage who meets their mates in the park for a coffee and leaves them to their own devices at community centres.

One particular instance has really stuck in my mind. I was waiting for the GP one day and there was an older man with learning difficulties with a young woman, clearly his carer. He started telling her in a very loud voice how he'd been abused as a child and that was when all his problems started. Instead of discreetly changing the subject or having a quiet reassuring word with him to calm him as he was clearly upset, she completely ignored him. I felt so appalled on his behalf that she wasn't protecting his dignity or privacy.

That's it Lying some people are fine about sudden contact...I'm most certainly not and I HATE being touched by strangers. A little boy...only about 4 or 5 once pinched my arse in M&S and I span round with a look of hatred and agression..then saw this little fella like this and his Mum looking at me with horror!

I was embarrased at my reaction but I'm just nervous. I sort of smiiled and said whoops!