To think the carer of this girl with learning disabilities needs telling!

[mummy2stan]

I take my son to a activity centre a couple of times a week and there is a young woman in there all the time who is clearly mentally handicapped, whilst I have no problem at all with this I do have one with the so called carers that are with her. Two weeks ago whilst my 18 month old son was sat in a high chair having his lunch, the girl came over started pinching his cheek and saying BOO really loudly and in his face, my son is a shy boy and isn't good with strangers anyway so at first he just stared and then after about 5 BOOS started to cry, I smiled politely at the carer who was stood with the girl saying ......gently.... Gently now.... And she did nothing to stop her until he was crying his heart out at which she then pulled the girl away. And then yesterday I watched as the girl followed a 2 year old around saying ... You've been naughty .... You've been naughty... Till the 2 year old got to her mother clearly upset, then the girl proceeded to try to pick her up, pulling her away from her mother, and all the while the carer is stood beside her saying nothing!!!! Now. Whilst I understand this girl may well have the mental age of 5 she is intact at least 20 yrs old and I don't think she should be allowed to behave this way towards other children. If she knows no wrong in it, then the carers should stop it before it makes other children cry! Why should we accept it because she's disabled? I feel I may have to speak to the manager if she approaches my son again because I take him there so he can interact with other children, not be pestered and scared by another adult. Once again my problem is not with the girl as such, more the people who are supposed to be watching her. Am I wrong to complain if she upsets him?

Yes pinkoloberal makes a good point. It's suggested on here that we're huffy difficult people but the reality is (for us at least) that every single time we step outside our front door we get something. It might be tutting, it might just be staring, it might be a fuck off (thankfully rare), it might be someone shouting (more often at ds1 than me these days but as he can't speak I have to get involved), it might be a comment overheard 'oh look Mavis there's another one' - yep had that. It can be exhausting. Taking ds2 and ds3 out we just go out, we do our stuff, we don't have to negotiate other people.

In a decade of parenting ds2 and ds3 I have had to deal with an idiotic comment once. Once in ten years. When I go out with ds1 it it every single time. So yes fuses can be short. However, if people are genuinely interested and being friendly (and I get it a lot at the moment as ds1 surfs, so a lot of people ask me about that when they see him) I am more than happy to chat to them about him- I enjoy it, they're nice people and we're chatting in the way I chat to say other dog owners when I walk the dog. It improves the day. But my patience for people being shitty is pretty limited these days.

i just said I didnt want to engage with you PocPoc, so no need to make the passive aggressive "leave me alone" digs, to try to make me look bad

I am not even willing to make excuses for why i get annoyed at people, it isn't because I get a hard time with DD.

Am just not a "huffy difficult person" in general, and have not even been "driven to it"..I think the rude posters who get enormously offended if you challenge anything they have said and go on and on and on about it, are the huffy difficult ones tbh, not me.

If I had a 5 year old and someone behaved this way to him SN/LD or not I would complain to the carer, complain to hte manager and if nothing was done complain to the police too - assaulting little children is just not on!

Beertricks, it's fine, I just didn't like it in the context here as it seemed to dehumanise the woman. But I actually just made a remark about the word which was then seized on and blown out of all proportion into a big huge deal, as is the case when I post about SN stuff on here.

Assault?? FFS. :head in hands:

The parents of SN children I know seem nice, reasonable, ordinary people. I know their life is frequently a struggle, I know they have challenges above and beyond those of us without their problems.

On MN (and the whole internet, come to that) you encounter extremes. Extreme breastfeeders, extreme G&T parents, extreme MIL haters, extreme PFB parents and extreme SN parents. All these groups are off-putting, and are not very representative.

I honestly can't imagine most parents of SN children biting your head off if perchance you accidentally use the wrong terminology.

Beertricks - you are so right..if you challenge things certain people get ENORMOUSLY huffy and spend rather a LOT OF TIME telling you that you are the huffy one, gets wearing.

but, gramercy, I am not an extreme SN parent in any way, and actually laugh at your assumption that I am, just because some people wanted to engage in an online argument with me.

thank you for replies, i think i am getting it, i seriously didnt think people in general are that ignorant, to point and comment.

pinko they didnt want him to have a ta? really? wth not? and what was the petition about? that is really unbelievable,

the mum i mentioned in the childrens centre, i aske dher if she didnt mind me asking about her dd, and she told me that she doesnt mind but sometimes people ask in a taunting manner. her english wasnt great so i wasnt sure exactly what she meant.

am actually laughing at the thought that I am an "extreme SN parent"..whatever that is..people that know me on here IRL will also laugh at the idea.

My conclusion is..people don't like to think that something they have said might be wrong so they lay into the person who was offended rather than questioning their own behaviour.

yes "assault" is a terrible way to put it.

but, I will not challenge that..as, by virtue of having a DD with SN, I will be accused of being "huffy", "touchy" and an "extreme SN parent" whatever the feck that is.

I think the term "extreme SN parent" is just another way of excluding you from society tbh, like bullying.

So, will leave it to others to object to terms like "assault" being used here.

although I will privately think that the people using it are arseholes

And thank god for you and people like you BeerTricks

All I think of when reading this tread is that as a parent of a child who has SN, I will never, ever come onto this forum to ask advice. I would honestly be too scared of saying the wrong thing and totally unable to cope with the vitriol that would result.
Thanks for that.

oh more passive aggressivity

My god pinko... what bastards:(

The op and what some others say makes them sound like they have the cheery and engaging social skills of your average warthog. How have you lived so long without managing to talk to all sorts of people and families, without picking up a few strategies for managing interactions with the general public.

hey, your loss NCIS

In general, anyone who asks about my DS will get a polite reply. I am happy to talk about his SN if it's necessary, I don't particularly like "what's wrong with him" but if someone asks me that and they are being genuine and friendly then I will explain that nothing is wrong with him but he does have ASD and severe GDD.

Everyone I know with a relative/friend with SN or in the SN field is a reasonable person who is happy to accept that no everyone in the world is completely clued up about disability issues. They will explain things/educate people/have a conversation if people are polite and are trying to be understanding, just like I do. When someone (a complete stranger) takes it upon themselves to hit my DS because he's not acting in a way that they deem acceptable (yes that actually happened) or call him derogatory names, I will pounce. Wouldn't you if someone was acting that way to your DC?

The term 'Service User' is fine, I referrred to the people I worked with when I was in advocacy as my Service users, because they were. I would not refer to someone who I met in public as a service user because they are a person out in society just as I would be. It's an easy disctinction.

Fanjo, I don't think you realise how hurtful and unpleasant you sound.