To think the carer of this girl with learning disabilities needs telling!

[mummy2stan]

I take my son to a activity centre a couple of times a week and there is a young woman in there all the time who is clearly mentally handicapped, whilst I have no problem at all with this I do have one with the so called carers that are with her. Two weeks ago whilst my 18 month old son was sat in a high chair having his lunch, the girl came over started pinching his cheek and saying BOO really loudly and in his face, my son is a shy boy and isn't good with strangers anyway so at first he just stared and then after about 5 BOOS started to cry, I smiled politely at the carer who was stood with the girl saying ......gently.... Gently now.... And she did nothing to stop her until he was crying his heart out at which she then pulled the girl away. And then yesterday I watched as the girl followed a 2 year old around saying ... You've been naughty .... You've been naughty... Till the 2 year old got to her mother clearly upset, then the girl proceeded to try to pick her up, pulling her away from her mother, and all the while the carer is stood beside her saying nothing!!!! Now. Whilst I understand this girl may well have the mental age of 5 she is intact at least 20 yrs old and I don't think she should be allowed to behave this way towards other children. If she knows no wrong in it, then the carers should stop it before it makes other children cry! Why should we accept it because she's disabled? I feel I may have to speak to the manager if she approaches my son again because I take him there so he can interact with other children, not be pestered and scared by another adult. Once again my problem is not with the girl as such, more the people who are supposed to be watching her. Am I wrong to complain if she upsets him?

Fanjo [hug]

HuntyCat [hug] it's terrifying isn't it :(

Hugs aplenty for anyone who needs one after reading this bloody horrible thread - and actually, the OP wasn't the most offensive by a long shot :( Some people need to take a long hard look at their vile attitudes.

It wasn't just the outdated language used in the OP it was the tone of it.

I take my son to a activity centre a couple of times a week and there is a young woman in there all the time who is clearly mentally handicapped, whilst I have no problem at all with this

So the Op goes 'a couple of times a week' and the 'young woman' happens to be there both times, but is 'there all the time'

whilst I have no problem with this FFS - how wonderfully kind of her

The tone is just bloody awful, language aside.

Or am I meant to now patronise you and treat you differently?..Zzz

[hugs] chipping :)

why did you let it get to the stage where you child was upset? I agree the carer should step in.

'mentally handicapped' 1990 wants its lingo back..

anyway, I think the carer was wrong not to intervene.

Oh we are all so pc on here.

I feel ill, have the home tutor in the morning, and between the 2 of us need to engage my DS who has special needs for at least 30 mins, then I get to specd the rest of the day entertaining DS can I have a hug??

Good, happy for ya

devientenigma - of course you can :) [hug]

Perhaphs we should both go and get some sleep - far more productive than arguing with idiots on line :(

I hope you feel a bit better in the morning and DS has a 'co-operative' day!

Reading this thread makes me realise I need to stay clear from people with obvious LD because someone somewhere will take offence at whatever is said or done.

If you could get your heads together and write a guidance book for us mere mortals it would be helpful. But of course you'd have to agree between yourselves what is acceptable and what is patronising and that's never going to happen.

Ok, you do that

Actually, I think it's pretty easy to figure out that

1. You don't use language that people may find offensive. Stick to SN/LD as these are what are generally accepted by everyone.

1. Don't talk to a person with SN like they're a piece of shit.

1. Don't be patronising.

1. If you meet a person with SN whilst going about your everyday life, smile like you would if you were passing any other stranger. If appropriate, talk to them, just as you'd talk to anyone else in that situation.

It's not fucking rocket science.

No wonder my life is a PITA when I'm with my DS going by some of the rubbish spouted on this thread.

"This adult is making babies cry because her behaviour is scary for them. This behavour is inappropriate. It is hateful disablism to recognise this, those evil prejudiced babies and their vile mothers who don't delight in adult sized strangers charging toward them."

Jesus,this post bought tears to my eyes, is this really the way people think?!

Nailak, when I'm at toddler groups with ds, i usually bring up his issues, to avoid awkwardness, but tbh, I was taken aback the other day when we got into a lift and a complete stranger looked at us and said, 'what's wrong with him?'!

PocPoc, I think it is less the way you were acting with the man you were talking about, and more the way you are talking about it on here.

Hazey, I doubt many people feel like that really, and if they do they are not worth your tears :)

PocPoc, if you don't get it you just don't get it. So no point engaging in discussion with you I feel.

I think you might have misunderstood my point about talking to someone with LD's 'like you'd talk to a five year old'. I didn't mean necessarily using the same tone - although sometimes that's appropriate, and using the same sort of language would probably be appropriate. I just meant that if you saw a 5 year old behaving inappropriately you would take into account their age, and rather than calling the manager would deal with it directly with the child or their parent/carer. In the same way if you come across someone with LD's behaving inappropriately it is a human, sane and pleasant, reasonable response to deal with it directly with the individual or their parent/carer rather than involve letter writing and the manager.

It's really just about recognising that people with LD's are human, and that you can apply normal rules of social interaction - whilst - as a reasonable human being yourself, allowing some leeway for their disability.

There are of course some cases where it might be appropriate to involve management - but i don't think there are that many. The majority of carers are attentive - and in the case described above it would be more appropriate to complain to the managers of the carer, rather than the play centre if you had concerns. If it's just a case of someone being a bit over enthusiastic in wanting to interact with a baby there is an awful lot you can do without any need to involve management to get the person banned or whatever. DS3 used to attend a child care setting where someone with LD's (an adult) visited, he adored her. It's generally lack of exposure that makes children scared, (if they are, I find in ds1's case a lot of young children are interested rather than scared, he often ends up with a little army of kids padding round after him asking me questions) and as an adult you can do a lot of reassure your child if they are concerned by unusual behaviour.

Hazey, next time someone says that to you, reply with 'well, his biggest problem seems to be rude and intrusive people judging that there is something wrong with him, but other than that he is fine and a happy little boy. Thanks for asking. What's wrong with you?'

i have been with a friend with a ds with sn in the park, when another mum has more or less come up and starting interrogating her about his condition and treatment etc...she may have just been interested and wanting to raise her awareness but it was done in a very blunt manner that i found weird, so i understand the point "why would you ask?"

However i would say that if my kids turned up somewhere on crutches / arm in sling/ eye patch / bandaged on head or if they are crying / lying on the floor kicking their legs / running away from me etc then it would be totally normal for others to ask me whats wrong, and try and engage the child to help me out, express sympathy etc,

but if a child has visible sn, is it inappropriate to comment on any physical or behavioural stuff? like when my ds started to walk i got congratulations and people commented on it, if it was a child with delayed development would it be inappropriate?

I feel put off from interacting with families i meet with children with sn because of ths thread. its like you cant just have a normal conversation as you have to plan every single word you say to make sure it doesnt cause offense,

Trouble is Nailak, for every ten people who ask, five will be genuinely interested and the others will either tell you that your children's condition was caused by you, you should not have been allowed to have kids (even if no prenatal tets exist for teh child's condition) and that your choices are stealing their taxes. if youa re really lucky you might get a nutter rant or a sustained campaign against your children- both mine have been campaign victims, once a petition and once a strnage direct action thinga gsint ds3 having a TA

I think all those people berating the OP for using insensitive language or expressing herself offensively should bear in mind that not everybody who posts on Mumsnet is super-literate or versed in the nuances of correct terminology. She was simply expressing her opinion honestly.

It is rather ironic that people who are getting het up on behalf of people with learning difficulties are unwilling to cut the OP some slack just because she's slightly less articulate than they are.