To think the carer of this girl with learning disabilities needs telling!

[mummy2stan]

I take my son to a activity centre a couple of times a week and there is a young woman in there all the time who is clearly mentally handicapped, whilst I have no problem at all with this I do have one with the so called carers that are with her. Two weeks ago whilst my 18 month old son was sat in a high chair having his lunch, the girl came over started pinching his cheek and saying BOO really loudly and in his face, my son is a shy boy and isn't good with strangers anyway so at first he just stared and then after about 5 BOOS started to cry, I smiled politely at the carer who was stood with the girl saying ......gently.... Gently now.... And she did nothing to stop her until he was crying his heart out at which she then pulled the girl away. And then yesterday I watched as the girl followed a 2 year old around saying ... You've been naughty .... You've been naughty... Till the 2 year old got to her mother clearly upset, then the girl proceeded to try to pick her up, pulling her away from her mother, and all the while the carer is stood beside her saying nothing!!!! Now. Whilst I understand this girl may well have the mental age of 5 she is intact at least 20 yrs old and I don't think she should be allowed to behave this way towards other children. If she knows no wrong in it, then the carers should stop it before it makes other children cry! Why should we accept it because she's disabled? I feel I may have to speak to the manager if she approaches my son again because I take him there so he can interact with other children, not be pestered and scared by another adult. Once again my problem is not with the girl as such, more the people who are supposed to be watching her. Am I wrong to complain if she upsets him?

Couldn't actually see much of a problem with the OP, perhaps an old-fashioned choice of word but was very obviously not meant to be offensive.

It's a statement you have taken out of context. If I take myself off to the park and try to play with the kiddies they will think I am a weirdo and will naturally reject me as a potential friend because I am an adult. They see adults as adults regardless of intellectual capacity, religion, colour, creed etc.. children want to play with others their own age.
Children are also taught to fear adult strangers so any adult who seems over friendly will be viewed with suspicion.

So which one of you clever people can tell me the date that Mentally Handicapped became offensive?

Could you also tell me when Learning Disabilities / Special Needs / Additional needs fall out of favour with the more "right on" among you.

It wasn't so long ago that Spastic was a correct term for physical ...handicap? I don't quite know what to say.

Unless you're at the sharp end the language doesn't necessarily filter through.

My Mother has always taught SN to children and adults but her job description changes so bloody often because somebody somewhere gets offended by a term which has been used for a few years.

It also seems ridiculous to ignore the op's concerns and focus on her language.

This thread had made me sad. On the one hand the OP is being told to just interact with the woman with SN like she would with anyone else - on the other she's being shouted down for accidentally using an offensive term. If people can't not know things without getting an earful, is it any wonder people like the OP are nervous about situations they have no experience of - and hence avoid people they could perhaps learn something from?

I got to mentally handicapped and switched off, sorry :(

I don't think it's being right on.

I've just been to a meeting where a company lost some business because they used the wrong terms. The person making the decision wasn't personally affected by disability, he just felt strongly about which terms were acceptable.

Language does matter (and can lose you business if you use the wrong ones). It makes sense to educate yourself and to keep up to date.

Yes people can make mistakes, we all make mistakes in our language, but I never quite understand the 'well you have no right being offended' response that seems to spring up when people object to certain terms. Why not just apologise and not use the term again. Why defend your right to be ignorant?

I don't know why everyone is hung up on the terminology, when there is so much else about the OP's attitude to be at.

The title of the thread is AIBU the carer of this X needs telling. So, OP, tell the carer, or keep your ill-informed, judgey, PFB nastiness to yourself. Simple.

I haven't read all the posts, however why don't you have a word with the carers, work with them on what is acceptable for you and what you don't want the young lady to do. After all we are supposed to be more intergrated and accepting. It may be that the carer was doing what was best for the lady, by staying calm, keeping a distance and watching. Maybe you could of removed your child with an excuse given before he was too upset. By doing this the lady still gets to interact and it's on your terms iyswim. By telling the manager of the activity centre you may be jeapordising the only social setting the lady may accept.

This entire thread is one hot mess.

Bobbledunk, why on earth should the woman not have access to activities she enjoys just because other people who are absolutely clueless think it's inappropriate?

I've worked with a lot of adults with SN, some of them loved the cinema, some going to the pub, some sports, some the theatre and some enjoyed softplay.

Each and every one had a different personality and different interests. They shouldn't be denied the opportunity to access the activities they love just because you think they shouldn't.

Btw, most children are much more accepting of adults with SN than the majority of adults I've met. It's ignorant people like you who instill fear of people who are slightly different in kids.

worst terms to use for disabilities

Why would a child be scared of someone with SN? Would they be scared of another adult? The person who said that we teach our dc to be scared of strangers obviously isn't teaching their dc 'stranger danger' in the correct way. My dc have never been scared of strangers - they know how to keep themselves safe. Well, DS1 does. DD is still a work in progress, but that's due to her autism. DS2 isn't scared of strangers - they just don't appear on his radar at all!

NONE of my dc would be scared of the person the OP was sharing the soft-play area with. Not even DS3. If the lady was behaving inappropriately, I would gently show her that he laughs if you play peekaboo with him, and doesn't like it when she pinches his cheeks. I would talk to her, and ask her if she likes babies, what is her favourite bit of soft play, just generally chat to her. And if she was still hurting my baby, I would lift him from the highchair, and speak to her carer about possibly increasing the amount of supervision she gives. It's REALLY not that difficult...

Each and every one had a different personality and different interests. They shouldn't be denied the opportunity to access the activities they love just because you think they shouldn't.

Hear! Hear!

My daughter (18) is also high functioning autistic. She queued for approximately 3 hours to get her face painted at the shopping centre during children's week because they kept saying the young children had to go first and sending her to the back of the queue. When she finally got to the front she was turned away because she was too old. She cried when she got home.

Am unprofessionally offended by bobbledunk's post

My DD can't interact with other children her own age, should she therefore be locked away or only allowed to associate with other kids with SN? When she is an adult will she be too.loud and scary so I should keep her away from children? Will you refer to her as.an 'SN adult' who can only enjoy.activities.in segregated centres? Or should she not be allowed.on the bus, like somecharmer of a poster said earlier. Words almost fail me.

Maybe the kids won't think she is scary, just that she is a 'weirdo'. That's OK then.

huntycat puts it well - it's about ensuring everyone's safety - the lady's carer should be responsible for that though.

The levels of ignorance and insensitivity on this thread are absolutely mind boggling!

Is this 2012 or have I morphed into a whole parallel universe where it's still the 1960's?

How about just bringing your kids up not to bat a fucking eye when they're around people with a disability? I work in a resource centre for people with learning, physical and sensory disabilities which has a cafe attached. My kids hang out in there quite regularly and have NEVER been frightened. In fact they're no different with the clients in there than they are with adult family friends, only they get scooted around in power wheelchairs now and again which is fab fun for a 5 year old.

oh so parents and people who actually live with disability say it is offensive, mn hq call it offensive and you say it isn't

Altinkum..real people with personal.experience and not just professional knowledge were offended by the term, so who are you to tell the OP that it is not offensive and to ignore them.