To think the carer of this girl with learning disabilities needs telling!

[mummy2stan]

I take my son to a activity centre a couple of times a week and there is a young woman in there all the time who is clearly mentally handicapped, whilst I have no problem at all with this I do have one with the so called carers that are with her. Two weeks ago whilst my 18 month old son was sat in a high chair having his lunch, the girl came over started pinching his cheek and saying BOO really loudly and in his face, my son is a shy boy and isn't good with strangers anyway so at first he just stared and then after about 5 BOOS started to cry, I smiled politely at the carer who was stood with the girl saying ......gently.... Gently now.... And she did nothing to stop her until he was crying his heart out at which she then pulled the girl away. And then yesterday I watched as the girl followed a 2 year old around saying ... You've been naughty .... You've been naughty... Till the 2 year old got to her mother clearly upset, then the girl proceeded to try to pick her up, pulling her away from her mother, and all the while the carer is stood beside her saying nothing!!!! Now. Whilst I understand this girl may well have the mental age of 5 she is intact at least 20 yrs old and I don't think she should be allowed to behave this way towards other children. If she knows no wrong in it, then the carers should stop it before it makes other children cry! Why should we accept it because she's disabled? I feel I may have to speak to the manager if she approaches my son again because I take him there so he can interact with other children, not be pestered and scared by another adult. Once again my problem is not with the girl as such, more the people who are supposed to be watching her. Am I wrong to complain if she upsets him?

neurologicaly typical

Squeakytoy - i think you are being deliberately obstinate and obtuse

@ValarMorghulis

MNHQ - you have altered the thread title thus displaying that you too agree that the terminology is offensive. Will this mean an increased awareness from you in the current fashion for disablist posts?

There seem to be a great many. I was called a "mong" recently on the boards.

Had one of the great many other "ist" names been thrown at me I am pretty sure the poster would have, at the very least, been waned about such language. Can we expect similar for those who use deliberately offensive terms for the disabled? I am not talking about the OP of this thread as i really do believe it was a case of naivety rather than rudeness. But there does seem to be a high number of posts that are deeply offensive in relation to disabilities

Hello. Posts that are disablist are already against our Talk Guidelines, ValarMorghulis. But, obviously, people do need to report them to us or we won't necessarily see them.

Incidentally, when we believe posters have posted something disablist in honest ignorance/naivety, we do drop them a line to let them know that the term they have used is regarded as disablist.

MissM

Yes, I agree with all of that.

But I guess the problem is that it becomes a vicious circle. This young roman is out with an apparently disinterested carer so the OP is anxious and defensive. She posts on here. People talk about how the young woman shouldn't be there, that the op was right not to speak to her and an argument about behaviour and language begins.
The idea of people with learning difficulties being unpredictable and a bit scary gets mentioned. The fact that the carer is a bit crap and the pay is rubbish is also mentioned. There is very little conversation about the young woman and how crap it is that she is clearly kept in the charge of a woman who seems not to care about her.

How many of us would now recommend to our dc that a career working with people with learning difficulties would be rewarding after reading this? How many of us with dc with learning difficulties are looking forward to our dc being cared for by others.

And so it goes.

wow well don mn hq for changing the title.

I apologise if this has come up in previous posts- I tried to read all but it made my eyes hurt..

Maybe I am way off the mark but why would a learning disabled woman of 20+ be taken to a child's activity centre? Regardless of her capabilities would it not be more appropriate for the woman to socialise with other adults (also with learning disabilities?) At the very least for the woman's dignity.

It has come up and been addressed.
To précis, my son is 15 and still enjoys using a swing and other play equipment.
If his mental age is about 5, this is not that surprising.
Given that his learning difficulties make many if not most adult forms of entertainment beyond his grasp, why should I deny him these occasionally.
Is dignity more important than his happiness?
Although tbh I can't see his playing being undignified given that his difficulties are obvious.

I genuinely don't see how 'mentally handicapped' is the phraseology of Satan and 'learning disabilities' is all lovely and inclusive and right on!
How do we know this young woman is less able to learn that we are? If you were going to change the thread title, why not change to 'special needs

My DS (7) has severe learning difficulties. He is non verbal and has a developmental delay. He has no difficulty learning, for example, to count, or to do maths, or many other things. He does have difficulty learning to talk. I'm not actually a big fan of the term 'learning difficulties' for that reason, but it is infinitely preferable to handicapped, which comes from the phrase cap in hand.

I haven't read the whole thread. I think that unfortunately it has become more focussed on the terminology that the OP uses rather than the issue at hand. I agree that the term 'mentally handicapped' is wrong but I think that the OP was being ignorant rather than deliberately offensive.

As a carer for people with learning disabilities (this is my preferred term I know others might prefer Additional needs/Special needs) I think that the carer is certainly in the wrong here. She is not meeting the needs of the woman she is caring for by not assisting her to interact appropriately with those around her. In a case like this I would definately intervene as the carer by encouraging the young woman to be gentle and if the parent of the child seems uncomfortable I would encourage the woman to move away and distract with another activity.

Well I'm not entering into any further discussion because I have no experience of any of this. twas just wondering.

Because it is a development-appropriate activity, Garlic. Because it is how she chooses to spend her leisure time. And why shouldn't she?

See above

You don't need any knowledge to be an expert on most mn threads Garlic

I hope you are not withdrawing because you read my post as huffy. It wasn't. I was just explaining. I would always try to get him through life unnoticed. But sometimes what he wants involves my having to shrug my shoulders and accept that people thinking it is odd is not the most important thing.

X-posts, Garlic.

'handicap' doesn't actually come from 'cap in hand', it was originally a game, and then was a sporting term (as in golf handicap, or handicaps in racing). It is still an outmoded term though.

No no, Pag I genuinely don't know much about this area at all. I don't want to put my size fours in it and upset someone. And also because this thread is angry in parts and I'm not in the mood!

If it's what your son wants then it's what he wants.

Fair enough.

Yes. It's what he wants sometimes. And then he has to accept that I want to go and look at lots and lots of shoes. We baffle each other.

I think it is very sad to read in the op that the carer/PA does not seem to be interacting with the young person.
there are a lot of really good carers out there, I know that the ones who work at dd's respite place, or youth scheme. love their jobs and go out of their way to interact with the young people.
as for a person of over 18(we don't know her age anymore than the op does, come to think of it we don't know her disability either , or that the person with her is her carer/PA) being at a play centre, imo there is no problem with that, as long as she has the support she needs.

As far as the playcentre goes, she might well just be there with family and younger family members. Plenty of adults with learning disabilities still live at home.

I was wondering why you didn't just kindly tell her not to pinch his cheeks and explain that it scares him when people shout in his face and show her how to talk to him instead of sitting there grinning like a bit of a looney.

The carer was not doing her job properly by allowing her to frighten children and invade people's space like that. I think it's cruel to take an adult woman to a kiddie play area where she will be rejected by little children who will naturally fear her because she is very big and loud and won't want to play with her because she is an adult. She should be enjoying time with other adults like herself doing things they can benefit from.

I often see a few ds adults with a carer each down at the local pub for lunch before going to do activities together that they enjoy like the cinema or swimming. They always seem to be having fun and I always bring the baby over for one of the girls because she loves cooing at her, nobody would ever see any of them as a risk because they would never be put in an inappropriate position. That is what this poor woman should be experiencing, not being dragged to soft play with no company where she is sent out to unwittingly annoy parents by scaring their babies.

bobbledunk, there is so much that is wrong with that post that I don't know where to start!

I genuinely don't see how 'mentally handicapped' is the phraseology of Satan and 'learning disabilities' is all lovely and inclusive and right on!

Interesting point.

I have known some people with physical disabilities to prefer the term 'cripple' as it refers specifically to the non-functioning of a limb/organ rather than the perceived impact it has on their lives and in that sense is more value-neutral.

He/she has a crippled leg' doesn't imply a judgement by society that they are less able or struggle in the way that terms like 'disability' or 'difficulties' does.

Obviously I wouldn't use it myself unless the person concerned specifically asked me to refer to them in those terms.

I don't know what is supposed to be offensive about my post. Yes little children tend to be scared of strange adults who are loud and in their face and like to play with others their own age.

This carer was neglectful and unprofessional.

This woman has the right to an adult peer group, proper activities with her peers and the right to learn how to properly function in society.

Stop looking for offense in everything. There is nothing wrong with anything I said. Of course everything is offensive to the professionally offended so there is nothing that can be said that isn't 'offensive', to such people. Pathetic.

I don't know what is supposed to be offensive about my post

Practically every ill-informed, badly thought out, idiotic word on it.