The relationship section of MN makes my blood boil.

[aaaaaaaaargh]

I will never set virtual foot in there again. I have imprints on my forehead of the keyboard from where I have been banging my head against it. It makes no SENSE!!! I have a jaw like Jacob Marley. There are so many threads like this:

OP: The other day I was a miserable cow, kids were stressing me. He came home to a complete shithole and then proceeded to clean up. I could sense he was a bit miffed at the state of the house so I told him to cook his own fucking dinner. He wanted to tell me about a problem with work, but I was pissed off and told him I wasn't interested, tell someone who gives a shit. He then shouted that I didn't give a toss about him and stomped upstairs. I can't live like this anymore.

Reply: He cleaned up?? How controlling is he? He then tried to make you listen to his work problems? What about YOUR problems?

Reply: He's emotionally abusive, but you know this don't you.

Reply: Definitely controlling, he doesn't care about what you want. He wanted to make you clean up and listen to his problems. Why the fuck are you cooking his dinner?

Reply: He shouted at you? This is abusive behaviour. You don't have to put up with this, you need to really think about how to proceed. Has he shouted before? This isn't normal.

Reply: Well actually, you weren't too pleasant to him. Perhaps you should look at YOUR behaviour.

Reply (to above poster): Great support there, this woman lives with an emotional abuser. Don't speak if you haven't got anything constructive to say. Don't listen to that poster OP.

Etc, etc....

I know that a lot of people in seriously abusive or violent situations have been helped in this section, and that that is an extremely good thing, before you point that out to me.

But some of the replies on other threads!!! Madness.

ifeelloved - the sort of people who worry about men sitting next to unaccompanied minors on planes and male nursery worked changing nappies are the hysterical 'lynch the paedo' brigade.

In fact, I suspect that if you were to round up a mob of hysterical 'lynch the paedo' types, the vast majority of them would positively rush to disassociate themselves with that nutcase feminist lot.

......and curiously enough I've noticed, are exactly the sort of people who think that men can't control their sexual urges and therefore can only be expected to use porn to excess and co-erce their female partners into having sex against their will.

Exactly.

Feminists give men the credit they entirely deserve. Or at least all the men I know deserve.

It's women who make excuses for men - and lump them into one homogenous 'men will be men' lot - that don't give them that credit, and instead portray them as weak and somehow unable...

Maybe because that is how they were brought up to think...

Where I have said anything about feminists slating men?

All I have said is that the op has a point. There are some posters who shout leave the bastard at every given opportunity. In the same way that there are posters who say that mil are evil and want to take your children from you (obviously an exaggeration there )

It is grating and annoying.

to aaaaaargh

I agree with you that what some posters (and they may be a tiny minority, I don't know) say in relationships is madness. I don't think saying that negates or diminishes in any way all the amazing help many many people give and receive there either.

Blu I think what you wrote in your posts is all brilliant

Posters aren't just responding to you ifeelloved. Other posters mentioned feminists. From your posts it seems you're saying that you don't like men being demonised. Neither do I, but I've never seen a thread like the pastiche in the OP or one where mildly irritating but understandable behaviour on the part of a man, was called 'abuse' by hordes of posters, as is being suggested by the OP.

On the other hand, I do see abusive behaviour being downgraded by some posters as 'just men being men'.....

Fair enough hatty, I obviously misunderstood, some of the comments seemed to be directed at me

Well I saw a thread recently where a poster was calling the husband in the OP a "cunt" and lots of women were telling the OP to "leave the bastard/cunt/arsehole". I will never think that this is acceptable, and it upsets me that on the strength of 2 or 3 paragraph people feel they have the right to make those judgement calls. I don't think it's helpful or empowering to the OP at all, for reasons pointed out by previous posters. When I read that thread it felt to me like certain posters were bullying the OP, which is exactly what she appeared to be struggling to deal with with her husband.

bigsquiz

it doesnt matter whether you think it is acceptable, upsetting,helpful or empowering. It matters whether the OP did. As an observer, who is not involved and is maybe not experiencing any emotional problems you (not you I mean 'one') would read it a different way. Its only from a 'priveleged' POV you can start taking exception with language used on a lot of the Relationship threads

(I AM opposed to the use of 'cunt' or 'twat' as an insult, but its pretty much irrelevant what I think of those words in this context)

The Relationship board is a VERY different place to AIBU. It IS about supporting the OPs

bejeezus
I stand corrected

It doesn't matter what you think is upsetting, it only matters what the OP did?

Er?

I really hope you meant something other than the ends justify the means. Bullying is as bullying does, and waving the flag of the sisterhood doesn't make it ok.

why is it disrespectful to link to some of the many such imaginary threads, or even just three or four examples would do

Ok Mitchier, I give in...

Misandry:

1. would it actually be completely unreasonable to nurture a little hatred of men-in-general-with-a-few-exceptions though, given that most horrible things in the world are usually their fault?

1. If men don't want to be hated why do they give us so much ammunition?

1. I actually do think it would be a good idea to thin out the male population by culling about 95%. Just to see if it helps.

More misandry:

nice

However, I wouldn't go to relationships for help if I needed it though after some of the stuff I've read there bejeezus If the OP's find it helpful, that's great, and that IS what matters. I wouldn't want to be told what I should do, or have my OH called names, regardless of what he said/did...

But OP that thread you have just linked to to illustrate "more misandry" is on AIBU, not Relationships.

I haven't read the linked thread yet, but if your problem is with the Relationships board, as per your OP then why have you linked to an AIBU thread? If you are using it as an argument to point out that there is misandry on MN then fine; but it doesn't support your original argument that the posters on Relationships are a bunch of man-hating vipers sometimes don't advice that you agree with.

The flaming penis thread is uncomfortable reading, actually. Especially when 'reasons' for the woman's actions are invented.

Ok. I have a problem with misandry on the relationships board, and on MN. I did say that halfway through this thread.

Halfway through the thread was a long time ago, OP

Just want to point out re. the relationships thread link. This is NOT, absolutely NOT a criticism of the OP on that thread. It is a criticism of some of the replies.

men commit most violent crime, here in the UK and globally, both as individuals to other individuals and collectively on a very large scale - war, genocide

do you prefer to pretend otherwise op?

#men commit most violent crime, here in the UK and globally, both as individuals to other individuals and collectively on a very large scale - war, genocide

do you prefer to pretend otherwise op?

Nice bit of sidestepping there. Want to comment on my links/examples?

(that was a response to some quotes I think you are attributing to me?)

I haven't attributed anything to anyone.