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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

parenting boys is different to all girls or mixed siblings

110 replies

captainbarnacle · 30/01/2012 10:15

(and not that old 'boys are like puppies' theory)

My dad and stepmum were down at the weekend. She is mum to DD1, DS1, DD2 (in their 30s) and I have 3DS (aged 5, 3 and 7m). My Dad was talking about how 'good' my sister and I were when we were small, and I was saying how young brothers seem (anecdotally) to be quite different to female siblings in terms of noise, boisterousness and generally Hard Work.

My stepmum (I have a lot of time for her) piped up that her three didnt behave 'like that' and - of course - she had a boy.

I stated that of course not all girls and boys are the same, but having 2 boys close in age has more of a fighting and noise effect than one boy sandwiched between girls. Then I thought I was just being over defensive, and STFU.

Am I wrong? Should I be expecting more from my two? They dont cause too much hassle - just dont sit still or eat all their food or sit quietly and do as they are told (no breaking toys or drawing on walls or climbing on furniture etc). They wrestle and answer back (but I deal with it). Or was SM looking back 30yrs with rosetinted glasses on and forgetting the enormity of 3 under 5s?

OP posts:
PocPoc · 30/01/2012 10:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Snowboarder · 30/01/2012 10:21

Defo rose tinted specs I'd say.

grubbalo · 30/01/2012 10:24

I grew up with 1 brother and 1 sister. I now have 2 sons. I always say to people it's strange as I thought that because I had a brother, I'd know what boys would be like. But I now realise I didn't - I didn't ever know how 2 brothers can behave. Mine are close in age too, and yes they play fight constantly (and occasionally properly fight). It's wearing! I have a feeling my DM could have been the same, but luckily her best friend had boys and has said to her a lot of times that brothers can just be like that.

Anyway, I agree!

QuacksForDoughnuts · 30/01/2012 10:24

Girls can be just as fighty and noisy if given the chance - but if her children are all in their 30s that might muffle things...

Fleurdebleurgh · 30/01/2012 10:26

I have 3 and 5 year old boys.

They dont fight (even playfully) at all and are inseperable. All games they play at home they play together.

They are fookin loud though.....

ChunkyPickle · 30/01/2012 10:26

Rose-tinted - just like our children are all toilet trained/talking/walking/dressing themselves/knowing no means no etc later than we did when we were kids.... People forget and re-write history in their heads.

TheParanoidAndroid · 30/01/2012 10:26

My 3 boys have never scarred each other or fought with weapons like my brother and I did.

Give them time though.

cory · 30/01/2012 10:35

boys are individuals. My brothers didn't fight; the boys nextdoor fight constantly despite the supposedly softening influence of their sister (whome they adore).

the problem with grandparents is they think they know all children because they have known a handful of children.

this was brought home to me when dd was newborn and I was proudly showing off the poncho dh had knitted to take her home in

-oh what a shame, said my mother, babies can't wear that sort of thing because they get so upset when things go over their head

I felt dreadful for dh who had put so much loving effort into his poncho, but felt that my mother must know, having brought up 4 of her own+ the extra experience of 3 grandchildren and several nieces, nephews etc

neither of my children ever objected to the poncho, which was worn until it nearly fell to pieces

msbuggywinkle · 30/01/2012 10:39

I have three DDs, plenty of playfighting, lots of jumping from the highest places they can find and the noise is horrendous sometimes. They spend very little time 'colouring in quietly' as the stereotype would have it.

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 30/01/2012 10:58

Rose tinted specs I would say.

When I think back to when my two boys were a baby and a toddler, or a toddler and a preschooler, of course I remember the lovely bits more than anything else. I think about how much I enjoyed doing pre school stuff with the, going to various classes, leisurely coffee mornings and the like. I don't automatically think of the times when I had the struggle to get the toddler to eat with a baby attached to my boob, or the chaos of getting them both dressed and out in the mornings, or the times when I'd try and get the toddler to nap so I could have a little time reading or whatever with the older one. I know those little thigs that were difficult happened, but they are nowhere near my overriding memory.

I think everyone does a little bit of that, remembering the best bits instead of the hardest.

Your stepmom is just doing the same.

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 30/01/2012 10:59

Stepmom?? No! no! No! I am not American, but auto correct is.

STEPMUM!

TroublesomeEx · 30/01/2012 11:03

Rose-tinted specs, OP, I'm afraid. Take them off!!

I have one of each. They are both well behaved, delightful children and when they do have me tearing my hair out, it's probably small fry compared to some people's experiences. They both squabble, they both 'playfight', they're both loud, they're both quiet, they both draw and colour.

However, without a doubt everyday of parenting my son has been easier than parenting my daughter.

When she is good, she is very, very good...

He's never been a jot of bother.

losttheflickumdickumagain · 30/01/2012 11:05

I think she was rose tinting too.

All children are different. I've got ds1 (5) ds2 (3) and dd (11 months). The boys went through a fighting stage, now not so much. My friend has 2 dd's, (5+3 also), and I need paracetamols every time I leave their house Grin.

MrsHeffley · 30/01/2012 11:10

I agree.I think having more than 1 boy is very different to just having 1.

I have twin boys and 1 dd.The boys are like cubs,what is it with all that rolling around, leaping on each other stuff they do?Confused

It's quite a loud house as there is only a year between them and dd ie a delicate little flower she is not!!!!!

BarbarianMum · 30/01/2012 11:16

I have 2 boys close in age. They don't fight/argue more than I would consider 'normal' b/w any 2 siblings, nor are they particularly noisy. They absolutely, definitely need daily opportunities to burn off energy and that may be more typical of boys, but I know some pretty energetic little girls too.

CoffeeDog · 30/01/2012 11:42

I have 3

1 5yr old DD - she is a happy little thing and from very young had a fantastic imagination and would play zoo's/cars/sylvainan families for ages on her own, as well as sit and draw/write for hours. Never did much damage not really wrote on walls made mess etc.

Then i had DT boys who are now 3. One cried more than the other both were far winger than their sister the boys seem to have a huge competitive streak - always have to be first or the winner. Most 'activities' we do drawing/playdough/paintng/baking etc have to be cut short as they cant behave themselves. they take on avarage about 10 seconds to tonardo a room and as long as it takes me to empty washing machine to flood the bathroom whilst drawing all over the house with 'bath pens'

Love them all the same though - they are all snuggerly after bath and in pj's

IKilledIgglePiggle · 30/01/2012 11:48

I have two DS's two years apart, they can behave like wild animals if left to their own devices, mine don't sit still and a small argument can turn into a wrestling match, it's like having a pair of chimps......but they are close, loving, funny and intelligent ( if I do say so myself) and my 10yo is turning into quite the young man ( when he's not doin his Kevin the teenager impression)

I also have a baby DD, I am of course expecting her to be quiet, obedient and cute Wink

MrsHeffley · 30/01/2012 11:51

Dream on Ikilled,she'll be taught by the masters of destruction.Grin

Beckyboo4 · 30/01/2012 11:51

I have 3 daughters and a 1 son and I have either forgotten how naughty my girls were when they were little or I have a very very naughty son.

Last week he ripped my beautiful Laura Ashley wallpaper off the wall which has been up for 1 month, chucked my fav necklace down the toilet, spread the whole contents of the fish food all over my daughters bedroom which I had just spent hours cleaning & drawn a beautiful picture on my daughters bed and cream carpet with felt tip pen. I call him my lovable rogue xx

I just keep thinking it must be a boy thing (better than the other option which is my parenting has declined severly)

BarbarianMum · 30/01/2012 12:01

Seriously, Becky? Shock That sounds not at all lovable tbh (although I'm sure he is). The amount of damage you're describing is not typical of boys (I'd have no house left if it was) - are you sure you're not giving him an easy ride cause he's your littley?

sunshineandbooks · 30/01/2012 12:12

Definitely agree with the rose-tinted specs thing.

The primary difference between children is personality. That's always going to have more of an effect than gender. Research shows that people treat children differently according to their gender, even when they're trying actively not to. Along with the fact that girls' toys are, in general, much more passive while boys' toys, in general, encourage much more activity and rough and tumble, it's unsurprising that boys and girls behave differently. It's just not as hardwired as people think.

But I think the truth lies in the fact that she's simply forgotten how demanding those early years are. I have to remind myself how hard the baby stage was and that was only four years ago!

ragged · 30/01/2012 12:25

I have 3 boys & one girl, middle boy is a royal PITA. Pugnacious, to say the very least. As it happens, my girl & one of the boys are very "well behaved". I would have such a different view of parenting but for my particular combination of personalities, or if I'd just had some of DC. So yes, yanbu, the combination, the multiplicity, makes huge difference. I can take any one DC out and expect excellent behaviour, but put any combination together & things deteriorate.

Thank goodness MIL is frank about what hard work her boys were, how she was complimented on their great behaviour when out & about, but she knew she'd earnt those accolades.

I am convinced that having 3 brothers, especially the very boisterous brother, has made DD extra tough, though. She is fierce when it comes to standing up for herself :).

entropygirl · 30/01/2012 12:31

If we treated baby boys and baby girls the same (same clothes, same toys, same play activities) then they would have the same range of personalities and activities when older.

Every time you hear someone way 'oh boys will be boys' or other statements of that ilk, you are directly witnessing gender discrimination that will lead to behavioural differences later in childhood. If we stopped being stricter with girls than boys on wild behaviour or alternatively let girls run as wild as boys then this difference would disappear.

Beckyboo4 · 30/01/2012 12:31

BarbarianMum - Yep I think after having 3 girls having a boy completed our family and since there will be no more littleys my standards have slipped. He is only 2 years old and I do tell him off but it doesn't sink in just yet. Don't panic tho I am watching supernanny to help correct myself.

rainbow2000 · 30/01/2012 12:37

Ive 5 boys all different ages and to be honest i could kill them sometimes but overall they arent that bad.Ive nothing to go against as ive no girls and i was an cause she plays along to being the only girl. only child.
My cousin has 4 boys and 1 girl and she says the girl is worse

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